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Just upset

A day or two ago I managed to get into an argument with my family.

Of course my mum brought up my disabilities and medical appointments and how ungrateful I am and how much of a burden I am ect.

Now the stress from that had caused pretty much every symptom I have to flare up.

(Which of course means I need more help which means that mum gets more leverage for whenever we have an argument next which means that I'm scared to ask for the help that I need)

 

Anyway I'm getting more suicidal thoughts again and eating is hard and I'm eating the wrong amounts and everything is out of whack and I don't know what to do or what I need...

 

I'm not even sure what I'm hoping for writing this honestly.

 

Re: Just upset

That sounds so incredibly frustrating @Tiny_leaf, I can't imagine how hurt and betrayed you must feel right now. I know a lot of people who rely on the support of others due to their disability, can often struggle with feeling trapped by their relationship with their carer. I know that you sometimes work with a disability support service, is there anyone who you've met through that program that could give you advice/or share theri experience on this with you?

Re: Just upset

@Tiny_leaf That sounds like a tough experience. I can empathise with and have experienced feeling like a burden. Although I do not personally have a disability, I can see how tough that could be on you and your family. I hope that you can find someone that can provide you with some advice on what to do and more support. 

Re: Just upset

Hey @Tiny_leaf 

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, it's really not ok for anyone to say that to you and make you feel like a burden. You are a truly amazing human, your resilience and the thoughtful support you provide to others makes you such a valuable part of this community and we're so grateful you're here Heart

Are you feeling any better today?

 

Re: Just upset

No I'm not doing so great..

 

I was able to talk to one of my support workers who is also disabled and they kinda got how I felt.

It's nice having other disabled people to talk to but I still don't think it's fair that I get blamed for my disability, especially when I'm the one it affects most.

I'm tired of being told I'm selfish when I try to get what I need (like you know... regular meals or medical appointments. I don't think that's unreasonable.. is it?)

 

I'm just tired.. 

And to complicate trying to eat even further my body image issues are coming back and mum keeps talking about the sugar content and how healthy everything is which is like.. the best way into stressing me into not eating anything.

Re: Just upset

I am really glad that you're able to talk with your support worker and share experiences with them @Tiny_leaf

 

If you like I could post some resources around language and talking about food, weight, etc, that Eating Disorders Victoria have published? You could then share that with your family as a way to explain what's appropriate to talk about and what's not 

Re: Just upset

@Andrea-RO I've tried talking to mum about that.

Her responses are mostly the word "but".

You know health at every size and intuitive eating? I've been trying to go with them but it's like every single one of mum's opinions is the exact opposite..

Re: Just upset

Ahhhh that's so so frustrating, I think a lot of the time our parents can have really negative world views/hang ups that they see as being "normal" because they've believed them for so long, and can't step outside of themselves to see how big of an effect it has on not only themselves, but also the people around them. I'm not sure how well it would work, but it might even be worth shortly and politely stating your boundaries every time she mentions it. Even something like "I don't feel comfortable talking about this" or "I don't want to talk about this" might work to shift/stop the conversation 

Re: Just upset

I have school work. It is so boring. It is the least stimulating thing ever invented.

It feels like my brain is melting.

 

Like the feeling reminds me of the time I went for like 6 months on 4 hours of sleep per night while regularly going through repetitive traumatic events.

 

That is how my head feels after doing this.

Re: Just upset

Hey @Tiny_leaf looks like you had a late one last night, hope you've been able to sleep in this morning. Also, if you need to chat about the time you had no sleep and went through some trauma, I am here today to talk it out Heart