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Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

For the past two or three weeks now I have been feeling very emotional with my thoughts taking control, it's quite exhausting and I stay up most the night as I cannot "shut off" and when I do I usually wake up at 1-3am not being able to go back to sleep for a couple hours. This is quite bad as I am still attending school and even worse as I'm doing work placement. Anyway I feel like I've had some sort of personality disorder as I get very attached to people (abandonment issues) even if I don't know them too well, also used to suffer with anger issues in the past and at times I can feel so energetic it even effects my speech. I'm pretty sure I've just been ignoring the issues in the past and let all my emotions and just everything build up untill recently it feels like everything has just collapsed at once all these emotions and thoughts running through my head is exhausting and I just put on a mask to hide everything from everyone

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

There are times where I find myself thinking that no one cares about me and feel so alone with no one replying or talking to me I feel almost like I don't matter to anyone at all. Almost as if I were to end it no one would notice my disappearance or miss my absence, but I won't cause I know the pain and suffering it causes to others. I continue on every day feeling exhausted every day because of little sleep, I can't decide if it's the distractions throughout the day that makes me forget about all this. When I am alone with my thoughts is when it happens

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hi @Pasta and welcome to ReachOut. Reaching out for support online is a really big step to take, and finding the words to write down how you feel is really brave- we are really grateful you have been so open and honest with us about how you are going right now Heart

 

It sounds like there has been a lot going on the last couple of weeks Heart Feeling alone is really hard, and I want you to know we are here to listen. Do you have a support network at the moment? Family, friends or professionals you talk to when the thoughts are overwhelming?

 

You have mentioned coping with some challenging thoughts, and also mention thinking about ending it. Have you been having thoughts of suicide? We appreciate you letting us know that you are safe, and want to do what we can to support you Heart When you talk about coping with your thoughts, are you able to elaborate a little bit more about what that means for you?

 

I am hearing how painful these last few weeks have been and I want you to know this community is here for you Heart If you ever feel like you need to speak to someone, Kids Helpline, Lifeline and eheadspace can be really helpful supports too Heart Check back in with us when you can

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Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

@Jess1-RO I have never really thought about suicide before, just thinking about self-harm makes me feel unwell. I can understand why people may think suicide is an option but my thoughts on it are it may stop you suffering but passes it onto family and loved ones, I vaguely remember some lyrics from a song saying "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I have been occasionally letting a friend know some of my thoughts at times but I don't want to make anyone else feeling hurt or bad for me, treat me differently because of this. I used to cope with this by listening to music and photography when alone but it doesn't seem to be having the same effect it used too. I find my self mostly fine through the day it's when I'm at home alone especially at night I have theses depressive states where I have irrational thoughts and emotions

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

I've yet to see a professional or be diagnosed but I'm quite certain something isn't right. I feel some what ashamed and scared to see a doctor about my issues just talking about it is quite a challenge. I also don't want to be profiled and put on medication as I don't think I need that

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hi @Pasta it sounds like you're dealing with so much at the moment. I can only imagine how difficult and how much strength you must have to keep showing up at school and your work placement when you've been feeling like that. I'm wondering what you are doing right now to be able to keep showing up for school and work?

 

Reaching out to see a doctor or counsellor for the first time can be really nerve wracking but it can be so helpful to talk to to someone about how you've been feeling. Do you have a GP or a counsellor at your school that you feel like you could trust or would feel comfortable talking about this with?

 

I'm also going to link this page here - it has heaps of info about getting help and what that process can be like for other young people. Feel free to check if out if you think this could be helpful for you Smiley Happy

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hi @May_, my mum and her partner are quite strict when it comes to my education so taking the day off isn't really that easy, I also don't want people to think of me differently, treat me differently because of this road block. I am unsure if my school even has a gp or councilor, even i


@May_ wrote:

Hi @Pasta it sounds like you're dealing with so much at the moment. I can only imagine how difficult and how much strength you must have to keep showing up at school and your work placement when you've been feeling like that. I'm wondering what you are doing right now to be able to keep showing up for school and work?

 

Reaching out to see a doctor or counsellor for the first time can be really nerve wracking but it can be so helpful to talk to to someone about how you've been feeling. Do you have a GP or a counsellor at your school that you feel like you could trust or would feel comfortable talking about this with?

 

I'm also going to link this page here - it has heaps of info about getting help and what that process can be like for other young people. Feel free to check if out if you think this could be helpful for you Smiley Happy



f there were I don't think I would talk to them about it, I find it quite difficult to trust people with these types of thoughts I have mainly keeping to myself rarely letting a friend know some of them.

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

Hey @Pasta I can definitely understand not wanting to feel like people are thinking of you or treating you differently. It's completely up to you if you want to chat to someone in your life or a professional about what's been going on for you. What do you think a friend, your mum or a counsellor might think if you told them about how you've been feeling?

You mentioned it was mostly at night that you've been experiencing the depressive states and difficult thoughts and feelings. Is there anything during the day that you think helps you to feel a little bit better?

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

@May_ I feel if I were to tell them they would always be concerned and worried about me and I don't think I would be able to handle that very well. Just all of a sudden they would care because I might have a disorder or something wrong with me. I think talking to others in general in person or through messages is a good distraction I guess, I get home and feel so isolated like I've gone offline, pretty sure I don't come across anyone's mind untill they actually see me and even then at times I feel like I'm not wanted there. Messages is partly what has caused all this to come up, this outbreak of emotions I guess.

Re: Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

@Pasta it sounds like you think your family or friends would be pretty understanding about what you've been going through but you wouldn't want them to feel worried about you? Does that sound like I'm on the right track?

It sounds like chatting with friends is a really good distraction for you and you don't feel as low when you're doing that at school or online. Would you be able to tell me a bit more about messages being partly the cause of how you've been feeling?