cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Moved Post: the truth about me. I hate myself

Hello ReachOut. I'm back again but with very disappointing news.

I have betrayed my only friends.

Yes, I'm writing this letter as I am crying in my room. Here Is what happened:

 

I couldn't hold it anymore. I was tired from L and E annoying me, using me as a dictionary and a cheat sheet. So I did a horrible thing, and told a group that they didn't like, some of their personal information. I don't know what got into me, I really don't. I don't know why I did a thing as stupid as that. Sooner L's friends, including my boyfriend found out. I remember how we texted each other and he asked me why I did that. I told him that I didn't know, I told him that I know I was frustrated from L telling me things I didn't want to hear, and from my mother telling me that I hang around idiots. And this was his last response;

"Ok, fine, you said sorry. But I don't think 'we' could be a thing anymore "

It devastated me, as I realised what I've done. I was, and still am, crying every single day in my room since then. After two weeks time, his friend K texted me. I was reading it all... and... I realised, that this whole time I was the idiot. They haven't done anything wrong, I did! Like K sad, I'm the one who made a dent in their life. I'm so sorry those who are reading this, but I really am a terrible person. I hurt the ones around me, and I just got rid of the only friends I had. Reachout, please help me, I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm scared.

 

Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

Hi @NightNadder23

I'm so sorry you had to wait a while for a reply. That's on us.

 

I understand that you're angry at yourself for doing something you regret but please remember EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON makes mistakes. Everyone. Without exception.

 

The really big difference between you and many other people is that you have the wisdom to acknowledge you made a mistake and to accept that the responsibility is yours. That's very evolved of you. You deserve to take a moment to acknowledge yourself for being honest with yourself in a situation that many would not be. Lot's of people would just keep telling themselves they had every reason to behave the way they did and refuse to feel remorse.

 

The fact you're sorry is very meaningful.

 

As far as your friends go, do you think they will feel differently after some time has passed? Do they just need to see that you truly are sorry?

Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

Well, certainly not. They made it clear that they wont forgive me, and even if they do i would still try to stay away so i wouldnt cause anymore trouble. I understand its a hard thing to forgive something ive done, but they have done many mistakes, more than i did. And then they blame their guilt on me, and that makes me believe that it is always my fault. It is complicated to understand, but saying shortly sometimes its not just my fault. But i do acknowledge that in this situation its my problem

Re: Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

Hey @NightNadder23 so sorry about this rough time you've been going through with your mates, I have definitely made similar mistakes to yourself and it's not a nice feeling but absolutely know that we all make mistakes and we all at some time have isolated ourselves from others as a result. It sounds like they're pretty low energy people though, am I right or wrong?

I feel like you deserve to be around high energy people, and maybe it's an opportunity to make room for really good humans to come into your life... What do you think?

 

How are you feeling tonight about it all?

Re: Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

I'm not sure... In one hand I think they are good people, they are just complicated. on the other hand youre right, they are being too naggy. I don't know what to pick

Re: Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

Friendships can be very tricky @NightNadder23 and it does sound like you're not in the nicest of situations. Could you try to spend a bit less time with these people, to give you more time to meet some new friends?

Hang in there! 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Moved Post: Re: the truth about me. I hate myself

Thankyou for the advise @letitgo , I will make sure to do that. we have been texting each other on social media, and when I sad "If you hate me that much, then ill get out of your life. The memories we shared, these 2 years! I guess they don't matter to you anymore.", I deleted the chat but she kept texting, saying "Omg" "T.y.s.m." "that's the best thing you could've done" "Although it would've been better" "If you killed yourself". After that I just deleted Insta permanently, so they wont be able to text me anymore. I guess this is it, hey? I have to start from a new page, just like in year 6. When I wasn't liked, and I didn't have friends. Who knows, maybe its for the better?