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Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @missep

Wow it's been just over a year since i wrote that. I wish i could say that thing are going great but there not, especially since the marriage equality vote is happening. It stirs up a lot of conversation at school. Although some people are supportive, Some people make it blatantly obvious that they are uncomfortable or disagree. I kinda got in a mini argument with my teacher in class when the issue of gender identity and sexuality got discussed. I just don't understand why people have these misconceptions about other people why can't people be more empathetic?

 

I also came very close to coming out to the rest of my friends, i even wrote a speech on my phone, planned a date where we would all be together. But on that night i just could get it out. i couldn't say anything. I kept thinking what would happen if they all knew? what would happen if this got out of our friend group and to my parents? To my homophobic classmates? I want to be ready, i want to be ready to face the repercussions but i can't. Right now i still have to speech saved on my phone and it's burning a hole into my conscience, i need to just rip off the bandaid. I don't know whether i should just send the speech to the group chat and just let it go or i should just casually tell them one by one when the time comes.

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @ILAUVEDEN,

Wow it really has been over a year since this post! Smiley Surprised I did a double-take to the date haha. 

I know, this marriage equality vote has stirred up a lot of conversation and controversy. For me personally it's made me really frustrated that there are still people who don't believe in same sex marriage Smiley Sad It makes me so sad. Why can't everyone just have the chance to love whoever they want right? 

I feel like understanding gender identity and sexuality is a new topic and so it seems to take older generations a bit of time to understand what it's about unfortunately Smiley Sad 

 

I think that since you came very close to telling your friends, that that's a big step in itself! What would make you feel more comfortable? To send the speech to the group chat or one by one? It's a very big decision isn't it! You're showing a lot of self-awareness though. Please keep us updated! 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hey @ILAUVEDEN, I'm sorry that things are tough at the moment with the vote. It sounds like you're being really brave, and considering all your options and potential outcomes. @missep has suggested some great questions to consider... particularly to focus on what would make you the most comfortable. At the end of the day, we want you to be safe and feel strong in your decisions! Keep us updated Smiley Happy Jess- RO 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @missep,

That's for understanding. I feel like since i got everything i wanted to say typed up, i might as well send it to them. I feel like i am better with my words when i write them down instead of saying them out loud. But i also want to be there to see their reaction, however, I'm not sure doing it at school is a good idea. I don't feel like there is nowhere we talk privately. But then again it is the only time where i see my friends. Another thing bothering me is that, I'm not sure if telling them will help,  I can't say things will change for the better, or for the worst. Keeping it to myself for so long has been kinda lonely, but i also feel safe. like as long as people don't know about me they have nothing against me. Telling my friends is like stripping nude in front of them, they know a new layer of me, they can choose to turn away and leave. 

 

I am willing to take the risk, i just searched up the date for national coming out day and it turns out it is the 11th of October which is exactly five days away. I really hope i can muster up the courage to do it.  

 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @ILAUVEDEN

Of course! We're always here to talk. It is tricky isn't it? I'm the same. Sometimes I am not so clear when I'm trying to say something in person rather than when I write something and I'm able to read it over. It's good you wrote everything down, I really think that's also a big step Smiley Happy 

That's true, being in a school environment is convenient to see your friends but there's a chance someone else might overhear or something like that. Please make sure that the environment is comfortable for you and that it's secure. 

Coming out is a very vulnerable situation. I really like the quote 'Sometimes the greatest reward in life comes from doing the thing that scares you the most'. I really truly feel as though true friends are the ones that will stick by you no matter what. This will also show you the value of friendship, otherwise it will be a big learning experience that will hopefully make you grow stronger!

Good luck for October the 11th! Please keep us updated. 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hey @ILAUVEDEN, I agree that writing things down can often be easier than saying them out loud.

October 11th is getting closer, how are you feeling about that?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @ILAUVEDEN!

I'm just checking in to see how everything went Smiley Happy 

 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

@missep

So... Yep, i came out to my friends two days ago and i have to admit i do feel so much lighter! The whole day on Wednesday i felt so jittery and i kept trying to tell them but i didn't know how to start or i just kept diverting it to something else. I was just about to back out when one of my friends insisted on asking me what it is i was trying to tell them. So i just thought that there is right or wrong way to come out. I told them to hold their breaths and i just said "So i'm Bisexual!"  They were all wide eyed and silent for a couple of seconds until we all burst out in laughter. Honestly it wasn't what i expected their reactions to be and i feel kinda stupid that i spent so much time worrying about it. Most of them were really supportive and told me it doesn't change how they see me. One of my friends even said "so i think i'm bisexual as well" and we just laughed even harder. Only two of my friends really gave me their opinion, One of them told me it might just be a phase and that i might just be overeacting. But i made it clear that it i have been thinking about it for a while and i knew i liked girls as well from a quite young age. I guess for some people it will take a while to actually grasp the idea that i'm queer but as long as they accept it and actually don't see me any differently, i am so glad i said it!  I found out that i wasn't alone and that i might have underestimated how much my friends care about me and how open minded they are.

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

Hi @ILAUVEDEN!

Oh my goodness if I could give you a mega high five I 100% would. 

That took an insane amount of courage and I am so happy that it was a positive experience Smiley Happy 

I'm also glad that you were able to stand up for your sexuality when one of your friends said it might be a phase, I thought that showed a lot of strength on your part Smiley Happy 

What you did would be an 'ice-breaker' for your other friends if they ever felt they were in a similar situation Smiley Happy 

Good on you! Smiley Very Happy 

Re: My life of Heartbreak and homophobia

@missep
Thank you so much for encouraging me!! XD