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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

I'm watching a tv show and one of the characters had an illness that had some very similar symptoms to what I have so I decided to look it up because I don't think I've had anyone get so close to describing those experiences.

When I finally get the right spelling into google I find out the disease is fictional.  Smiley Frustrated

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Tiny_leaf  That's frustrating but kind of funny at the same time. Smiley LOL
It should be a real illness. Maybe it is actually based on one.

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@WheresMySquishy I know!

How messed up is my body that I can develop a fictional illness?? Smiley Tongue

 

I think so too... 

And very, very loosely based on a few, but none of them match my symptoms in the way that the fictional one would have!! 

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

I self harmed today.

I'm safe rn and have a friend coming over soon.

I just feel really shitty.

Highlighted

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

Hey @Tiny_leaf.
I’m glad to hear that you’re safe after that.
Do you have any self care planned after sh-ing?

I’m here if you need to chat or distract yourself.

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx thank you. 

I've taken care of the physical side of stuff, and my friend was able to come over for a bit which helped.

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Tiny_leaf  I'm sorry that today was hard for you. Smiley Sad

I'm glad that you're safe and you got to spend time with a friend. Heart

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@WheresMySquishy thank you. Heart

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

So....

I nearly got a chance to go to headspace today; mum was going there with my brother so I asked if she could drive me there so I could have my own, completely separate walk in appointment. 

Apparently he needed space - so much of it that I wasn't even allowed to sit in the car on the way there.

He's currently in the other room, playing music too loudly and dancing and whistling and singing happily.

I'm feeling depressed and alone and have properly self harmed for the first time in over six months I think. I feel so hopeless and hurt.

I'm just not convinced it would've killed him for mum to bring me to an appointment that happened to be at the same place as his own.

Definitely not to the extent that I get refused one of the rare opportunities I get to actually sort shit out rather than just googling it.

 

The worst part is he just had to ask for the counselling (if he even had to ask at all) while I've been getting maybe half the amount of sleep I need desperately trying to sort everything out, figuring what I need to self refer and what programs I'm eligible for and just... everything.

I've been fighting for that sort of opportunity for years, and he gets it in a month?

And as a result there's yet another hurdle I have to work through at 3 am.

 

He has the same parents, with the same income and the same free time as mine,

I don't understand why I have to work so, so hard, for something that my parents can give so easily to my brother.

 

It feels like he's taken one of my last options for recovery, the one that I've been working so hard for.

All I needed was a car ride. 

Re: New episode of illness (tw)

Hi @Tiny_leaf 

Thank you for sharing this and giving us some insight as to how you are feeling about the whole situation that happened yesterday with your family. I'm really sorry to hear that this lead you to self harm and I'm glad you are safe now and that you had a friend to come over and support you yesterday. It sounds like it would have been a great opportunity for you to receive counselling yesterday so its sad to hear that you didn't get that. The fact that you recognised what you needed in the moment and had the desire to work on how you felt at a deeper level with a counsellor rather than just googling the problems you were having shows you a lot of strength and agency in your recovery.

 

If you are in this position again where you really need a professional to talk to and are unable to get to Headspace would you feel comfortable calling a helpline? Kids Helpline 1800 301 615 or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 could be good places to call.

 

Feeling like you have had to work harder than your brother to receive the help you needed would be very frustrating so I can understand why you were feeling so upset. Its very admirable that you have kept fighting for the support you need.

 

Do let us know how you are feeling today, we are all here for you HeartHeartHeart