Re: How to talk safely about suicide on the forums

Thanks. 

I'm safe at the moment, i'm currently on school holidays but i'm terrified of school starting again (in 5 days). I'm a loner at school, no one likes me or wants to even sit next to me- idk this sounds so stupid, but i'm so sick of being alone. i'm a very akward person and terrible at making friends. I go to a small school where everyone knows each other and litteraly no one likes me or even bothers to talk to me. I eat my stupid lunch in the toilet. It's so digusting and unhygienic but i'd rather hide than sit infront of anyone on my own. At home sucks too, no one gives a damn about me. I'm sorry i talk about myself alot, i'm just gonna stop.

Hey @jasmine12345678 

How are you feeling today? I was just catching up on posts and can see you had a rough night. I really want to stress how important it is to talk about yourself. Verbalising your emotions and experiences is actually crucial to you being able to process feelings and grow as an individual. Please know that this is a safe space for you to talk about what's going on for you  

I remember struggling to fit in at school and it is such a difficult thing to go through. It's hard when you're going through it, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise it's there and one day school will be a distant memory. In the meantime, what could you do during lunch? Is there someone you can talk to at school about having a room to go to at least? 

You've also mentioned that nobody cares for you at home. Would you feel comfortable telling me more about that? Also just checking in with you because you mentioned wanting to die - your safety is the most important thing to us and we're happy to see you are safe. When you have the time give our guidelines a read to see more about how to talk about suicide safety on the forums, so we did edit your post. Do you have any helplines that you can call if you feel like that again?  

Hi @Bre-RO and @spacejam I'm feeling really crap from yesterday's fight with my parents. I usually love the weekend to get away from the troubles of school but this weekend has been really bad. I feel distant to everyone in my life. I feel like i'm a dissapointment for even feeling this way because I feel horrible that my parents have a depressed child- I don't want them to go through that. But I can't help it if i'm not happy and idk what to do about it. I wish i didn't have to put my parents through any of this shit but i do. I get easily annoyed and angry and i just lash out at everyone. 

At school i'm either in the toilet or the library. But my school has this stupid rule where only year 7-9 can enter during break 2 and 10-12 during break 1. so at break one i cry in the toilet stall. yay me. The teachers don't allow anyone during the classrooms during break- they're very strict about it and lock the doors every period. I just dont get why. 

And i dont want to call any helplines because i dont want my parents seeing that i'm contacting a life support. how embarrassing for them that they have me as a daughter. i'd rather email but sometimes they take long to reply and i just end up feeling worse about myself. 

I will not be going back to my old friends to fix ammends, especially after everything they put me through. and besides, i don't want to be hanging around those kinds of peeople. I haven't said any of this to them but i just don't want to hang out with them especially becuase of the way they treat people and how much shit talk comes out of their mouth. They judge everyone. i'm sorry but those aren't the kind of people i want to grow up with. no one likes me anymore now because i'm not riends with them. 

Hey @jasmine12345678 

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy your weekend and fought with your parents. It's so hard when you're feeling isolated from everyone and everything in your life. I'm sending you so much strength to face these challenges  

You've mentioned feeling like a disappointment because you're struggling with depression. I want you to know that you're not alone with this feeling. Getting help with depression can be scary - it's hard to tell your loved ones that you're struggling. Often we don't want to burden others with our pain. It's important to know that depression is a human experience that many many people go through at least once in their life. 

Depression also likes to tell us lies about ourselves and recovery. Reaching out for help with depression is kinda like having someone take care of you when you've got a flu. It's usually much easier to get better if you have someone there to check your temperature, make you hot soup and give you medication. I know it's much easier said than done, but if you can try to see that you are worthy of being cared for. There is no embarrassment or shame in what you are going through  

You sound like the type of person who has really strong values. Choosing not to be friends with a group that are judgemental says a lot about your character! Right now it might not feel like a positive because you're feeling lonely at school. One day I hope you see that you were actually really brave to remove yourself from that group. 

We are thinking of you and we are here for you

Thanks but idk about that. I'd really rather not be a burden, especially when they have so many things going on.

Hi @jasmine12345678,

I am hearing how self aware you are, and how conscious you are of not impacting others. This really says to me how compassionate and kind you are  It is really hard to feel like we can reach out for the support and kindness that each person deserves when feeling like that experience may burden someone else- I want you to know that we don't feel like you are a burden In fact, what we see is a brave and courageous person for taking the step to reach out here. When you are ready to talk, we will be here to listen as will some of the other supports @Esperanza67 has referred to  It is also okay to take your time to work out who you can talk to- we are more than happy to talk this through with you 

@Jess1-RO @Esperanza67 I took your advice on reaching out to Lifeline and the lady was incredibly rude to me. I would tell her that I feel sad about something then she'd repeat herself numerous time saying "It seems as if you're sad" and "It looks like you unhappy" It's all she said. I contacted them for help, not for them to just state my emotions. It was bothering a bit and I asked her for some encouragement or atleast for her to tell me things will get better soon or anything just to make me feel better instead of it feeling like im talking to a robot. but all she said was "If you believed everything would be okay then you wouldn't be here, huh?" That talk was supposed to save my life and prevent me from ending it all but the lady was being so harsh. I really wasn't comfortable sharing my problems with a stranger without recieving help, so I ended the chat and cryed myself to sleep. I'll give KidsHelpLine a go but i'm scared it'll have the same outcome as Lifeline did. 

@jasmine12345678  I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with Lifeline. You must be going through a really difficult time.

I echo @Esperanza67's insights. I have also had some good experiences with Kids Helpline. You can also choose to talk to the same person again or have regular sessions.

There is also another service called eheadspace, but I personally haven't used them. They are not an urgent service like Kids Helpline and Lifeline, but you can email them or chat with them online if you don't want your parents finding out that you called them.

Hey @jasmine12345678, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I can hear the pain in your voice :(. You've mentioned that you'd rather email helplines rather than call them because you don't want your parents to find out that you've been calling them by phone, right? I was wondering if you have considered contacting helplines that offer online webchat supports like what Lifeline has here and Kids Helpline does also here? Since they're done online, you don't have to worry about your parents knowing. Plus, they reply a lot quicker than emails. What do you think of this? Sending hugs of support ❤️

Hey @jasmine12345678 

Don't be sorry about talking about yourself, reaching out and talking to us is really brave and we are to here to help in any way we can! I'm really sorry that you're terrified of going back to school soon, what you've written sounds really tough. It can be hard to try and make friends, especially when it feels like everyone has their cliques. I definitely felt like this when I had to move to a new city all by myself for school. 

Is there a counselor or teacher at school that you could talk to about how to try and make new friends? Or is there maybe someone in one of your classes that you have something in common with and maybe get to know a little bit better? You said that you're not happy at home, was there anything you wanted to talk about? 

I mean that's a reason why i've lost all my friends. i always go on about me me me and i'm a terrible listener- i can be so selfish sometimes ugh i hate that about myself, why can't i just shut up!? 

At my school the teachers don’t care about their students, only about their social status and wealth. I’ve tried talking to some teachers I trust, however they just want me out of the way so they can deal with their “real” work. They’d say or do anything to get it over and done with. In the end they’d feel good about themselves because they think they’ve helped me but actually I’d feel worse than I was because I now know there is no one who truely cares. 

Hey @jasmine12345678 have you thought about maybe reconnecting with your older friends? Maybe the next time you talk to them, try to ask them 3 questions that relates to them? I’m sure there are great qualities about you too, there’s even a thread in the Well-being section ‘3 things I like about myself’ that could maybe help. I post on there when I can, especially on the days when I’m not feeling the best and I find it helps me. 

You asked me about my move to a new city. It was definitely a really hard thing for me to do, since it was a new big city and I knew no one. I tend to be quite shy as well especially in social situations, so you’re not alone there. My way of coping with it was to always ask lots and lots of questions about the other persons. It helps take the pressure off me from talking and I can get to know the other person whilst keeping the conversation going. 

I’m sorry that you don’t feel supported by your teachers, but you’ll always have heaps of people to hang out and talk here at RO  

How has your week been? 

What happened when you moved? Can you tell me a bit about that if you're comfortabe with it?