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TW: How do I deal with past abuse?

How do I deal with everything that has happened to me? It is really hard day to day. I was in an emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationship, which I have been out of for 8 months now. I was also sexually abused between the ages of 10 and 12. All I want it to forget everything but I never feel like I can. I don't feel safe anywhere I go, even in my own house. I know I am safe from the abuse now but I feel so vulnerable and unsafe. How do I get through all the emotions, memories and pain that I feel? Could someone who has gone through a similar thing and is in a more positive place let me know how they got there.

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hi @HarryPotterLover2991! Welcome to the forums! I hope that you can find them to be a source of support.

I'm sorry that you've been through so much trauma. No one should have to go through what you did. Smiley Sad Remember, what happened was not your fault. You did not deserve it in any way. You are still here. This shows that you are an amazingly brave and resilient person. I'm so glad you reached out to us on here. I think telling your story is so courageous. Heart

I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was in high school and can relate to what you said about not feeling as though you can forget what happened and not being safe in your own house. It can feel like your mind is still re-experiencing the trauma. I have never forgotten about what happened even though my symptoms have improved. This is probably a big thing for you now and will always be a part of you. But with time and the right treatment, it will become smaller. It took me a long time to feel safe again, but you will get there too eventually.

How would you feel about seeing a psychologist? They can help you work through the trauma and give you strategies to cope with the memories. Mine was really helpful. For a lot of people, myself included, what has eventually helped them is accepting and coming to terms with what happened rather than using strategies to avoid triggering the memories. This can consist of small steps and take a long time. This article has some additional suggestions which may be helpful too.

By the way - I love Harry Potter too! Smiley Tongue

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

@HarryPotterLover2991   I just found a few lists of additional helplines and services that you can contact for support, which could be another option.

Domestic violence support services
Sexual assault support services

Please don't feel as though you have to try these suggestions though. What you decide to do is your choice. Heart

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hey @HarryPotterLover2991 I know how your feeling, My twin and I were sexually, emotionally, physically and verbally abused by my biological mother for 9 years since I could remember... I have recently been having really vivid flashbacks and it’s really been throwing me off track with my school work and daily life I’m completely out of whack. I am only 17 ad I don’t know how to deal with the trauma of past abuse but I just want to let you know that you are not alone ☺️ Sending hugs your way 


Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hi @HarryPotterLover2991 


There have been some really courageous and supportive words shared by @Mrstweety5482 and @WheresMySquishy Heart 


I really feel for you and the pain you are feeling right now Heart We hope that this community can continue to be safe space for you to come to when you need to hear from other people who can relate to what you are feeling right now. What is your support system like at the moment? Do you have friends, family or a professional support network there for you when you need them?


Check out our community activities calendar for November 2019 here

Re: TW: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hey @HarryPotterLover2991 ... this may not be relevant but I hope it helps in some sort

for years, I felt responsible for the abuse me and my sister experienced, as my sister is disabled and more helpless than I am and was and I didn’t do anything to stop it from happening, so I felt responsible and like it was all my fault, I felt dirty and impure ... through talking to professionals about this (trust me it’s really hard) I learnt that it was not my fault at all and that I am not dirty, I am not impure but wounded and hurt by someone who is supposed to love me. And I am not defined by the things that people have done to me but I am defined by my bravery and strength to work through this. I believe you are very strong  even though you may not feel strong , trust me you are... and to reach out for help is really strong too! It took me ages to open up about it but I know that when I did I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and a huge sense of relief, idk if this will help you but it helped me to know that I am not defined by abuse but defined by my courage, strength and bravery for opening up about it. It still pains me when I think about it or when someone asks me about it I find it hard to talk about but it’s definitely easier than what it was when I hadn’t opened up ... I kinda went on with a bit of a tangent but I hope you are doing well today ☺️

Re: TW: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hey @HarryPotterLover2991

First of all, thanks for speaking up when you're not doing so well. That's what the forums are for and people on here are really supportive.  I haven't gone through physical abuse in the same way that you or @Mrstweety5482 have gone through, and I can only imagine how difficult that would have been for you both. I have been through a lot of verbal abuse, and have a very strained relationship with both of my parents. One of the best things I ever did was go to therapy. I am in such a healthier place than I was 2 years ago, or growing up. I have learned to set up boundaries with my family and make space for myself to feel better. I'm not sure if you see a psychologist or counsellor or if you feel ready to? Do you think you might like to talk to a professional about how you're feeling? RO has a lot of good info on this if you'd like to have a read.

“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hi sorry for super late reply but just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear you have experienced abuse too. I wish no one had to deal with that in their lives. I hope you are able to get back on track with your studies. Goodluck. I know how hard it can be. I finished high school last year and was doing year 12 whilst I was in my abusive relationship. I found it really difficult afterwards to graduate but in the end i got there. You will too.Smiley Happy

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Hi sorry for really late reply. I have some friends and family but i dont feel comfortable talking to them about this sort of thing. I see a counsellor every two weeks.

Re: How do I deal with past abuse?

Thank you very much for everything you have said. I have been working with a counsellor and slowly i am starting to come to terms with everything that has happened.. Thank you for your suggestions and kind words. I hope you are well.