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TW: My Story

Hi, i'm agender, 21 just have to say whoever reads this some stuff that i've written is disturbing. I was born as a boy. i was raised pretty much by my father for the first 10 years of my life as my mother was a cop 24/7 then studyed for a few years at night school to be a teacher, my relationship with her from age 10 til now isn't good and has been deteriorating more each year. Growing up with my dad around was horrible he did drugs, smoked/drank heavily, was always out at parties leaving me alone at home plus i was physically abused by him from age 6 to 15  for reasons that i still have no idea why even today which as a result left me with PTSD. I was diagnosed with mild Autism at the age of 3 from then til age 15 i had a countless number of speech therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. School whether if it was primary or high was very traumatic had hardly any friends (only 1) i was bullied heavily and physically abused by teachers and students. From age 10 til now my life's been a misery i did drugs from age 10 to 21. I was an alcoholic for a while, i decided at one point that i had to go to rehab which did wonders and i've been off drugs and alcohol since then. But after wrecking my brain with the drugs and alcohol over that long period of time i've noticed that i hulicinate, can't walk properly (straight) and that i always make quiet random noises and talk to myself without thinking it. I'm also suicidal my last attempt was last month as a result i lost my relationship with my second family as soon as i told them, i always call helplines when i feel suicidal. Just to finish it off i've now got no friends and don't talk to my family at all, if anyone reads this and relates to this story in any way and wants someone to talk to please chat to me here. who knows one of you could be my 1st friend that would make me so happy. 

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Re: TW: My Story

Hi @Agenderandproudofit,

It must have been really hard to get all of that off your chest. You have been through so much in your life and I am really sorry to hear about the abuse and struggles you have endured. Nobody deserves to experience that throughout their life. Understandably, it has had a really heart breaking impact on you. I can only imagine how distressing and traumatic your experiences have been so far. I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are travelling tonight?

You have also shown that you have a lot of strength to continue to seek support when things are tough. Making progress in rehab is such a massive achievement, though it must have been really challenging. It is also great to hear that you reach out to helplines when you are feeling suicidal. You have also talked to various health professionals to try and navigate what you are going through which can be exhausting at times. I am wondering if you have found any of their support helpful? Is there anyone who is currently supporting you?

 

We really hope you enjoy being apart of our community Heart


Just so you know, I am going to be sending through an email soon.

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Re: TW: My Story

I'm doing good i'm just listening to music as it always helps me mentally wise, i've had an unhappy experience with health professionals they didn't offer much support. There were some that got close to understanding me but unfortunately they left me

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Re: TW: My Story

I am sorry that you haven't had a good experience with health professionals @Agenderandproudofit. It can be challenging and time consuming to find the right therapist that you really click with. I know a lot of people have had to deal with their therapist moving or getting a new job which really sucks. It can be hard to lose such a special connection Heart I know you mentioned calling helplines. Do you know what you find helpful about helplines?

It is great to hear that music really helps you mentally wise. Do you want to share what type of music you like?

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Re: TW: My Story

@Taylor-RO Helplines at least understood me even if i didn't talk to them for long it was worth it calling them, i grew up listening to blues and folk for example John Lee Hooker and Bob Dylan. I only listen to Bob Dylan due to his catalogue being huge and that his music always has a message.

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Re: TW: My Story

Hi @Agenderandproudofit!

 

I'm always happy to make new friends here Smiley Happy

 

Does making the noises make you feel happy/ relieved? I'm autistic too and doing that is one of the ways I stim.

My autism also means that I've got bad hand eye coordination, I always walk into things...

 

Hallucinations can be really frightening...

I've had them too, so I'm here if you need to talk about them.

 

Oh, what are your pronouns by the way?

Mine are they/ them.

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Re: TW: My Story

@Tiny_leaf The noises doesn't really make me feel anything, before my brain messed up i wasn't making those noises. Personally since i've been agender for 2 months they/them as a pronoun never sounded right, when a old friend of mine started a conversation with her friend when i was tagged along she would say my name. Even though the use of my name was repetitive it sounded good to me as a pronoun

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Re: TW: My Story

Hey @Agenderandproudofit, I've just had to edit your name out of your post, as this is an anonymous forum we can't use names here. I understand that you use your name as your pronoun, would using your username work here on the forum as your pronoun?

Also nice to meet you! Keen to chat blues and Dylan with you sometime Smiley Very Happy

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Re: TW: My Story

@Hannah-RO Sure my username will work no problem on here as a pronoun Smiley Happy

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Re: TW: My Story

@Agenderandproudofit cool, I'll do that then!

 

Have you ever seen a doctor about what's happening with the noises or hallucinations?