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Re: TW trying to cope with too much

I understand your frustration it hurts being dismissed by people. I have tried it yes. Recently was the end of the uni semester and I had 4, 2000 word essays to write and 3 exams to study for as well as having to fly 5 hours back to my family home from uni to meet family I had never met from overseas and then after 4 days fly back and do my first exam 2 days later. I was sick during this time as well and had to clean my whole apartment and then had surgery the day after my last exam. All of this happened in the space of about 4 weeks. The 3 weeks before that I had all my other assessment due so I was already seriously sleep deprived and exhausted before the exam period started. I also had to do all my daily living stuff like shopping and washing and such all by myself during this time as well as other things that came up while sorting out a lot of admin stuff for next year.

 

I had had literally no time for eating properly and as I was very sick I was struggling even more but none of this could be put off or not done and I had to at least pass I was studying 8 hours or more per day and was playing catch up with sleep. It was hard and I cried a lot and broke down many times and thought I couldn’t do it but I had no other choice this was happening now and that is life. I just decided I had to do one thing at a time because if I thought about everything I would just cry again. So I made a list and did one thing at a time I put the things due first at the top and just worked and worked until it all got done. I passed my exams and now I have some time to take a break. 

 

I know it sucks and it hurts and it is too much and it feels like everything is about to fall apart but sometimes the only way out is through.... and it is ok to cry and it is ok to break down as long as you keep going. Half the time I spent crying while I was working it isn’t fun but you can work through things if it is what you really want. Sometimes you find strength inside you that you didn’t think you had. 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

@Tiny_leaf  In addition to the above I was also having to manage all my usual health problems and mental health problems which where really bad at the time and there is really a lot from then I don’t remember because I was having a lot of issues with trauma among other things. I am not trying to make it sound like I have it harder or anything like that I just mean everyone is constantly dealing with too much because that is the type of society we live in. I guess for some it is harder than others but sometimes you just have to try and work through things even if it isn’t a good time because that is how we have made it this far we adapt we find ways to work things out. I am sure you can do it but that doesn’t mean it will feel good. 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

@Eden1717 oh my gosh that sounds like a lot.. well done for getting through that though 

 

I'm not sure how I could apply that to my situation though because I don't so much have a list of tasks which are bothering me but a list of symptoms and issues.

And it's like to make progress on any of them I have to figure out which issue has to be solved and do something about it before I can even touch the ones that are stopping me from being able to do it 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

Thanks for sharing so much of your story and advice @Eden1717 Heart It sounds like you really persevered through all of that. Life can be so busy at times that it just feels non-stop. That is why it is important to catch a break when it is possible or do little things along the way to relieve the pressure. I really like how you said that we always find a way to work things out.. even if we feel stuck.

I am sorry that you feel unable to make any progress @Tiny_leaf. We hope that sharing your feelings here helps to relieve some of the stress that you feel from this. I know from other posts you've made that you are very intelligent, resourceful and innovative. I hope these qualities and skills can help you get through this or at least make it a little bit easier Heart

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

@Tiny_leaf  A list of issues can be like a list of tasks depending on how you approach it.... you can still break down the issues and see what you can do about them and sometimes it has a flow on effect..... but it would take time and the right environment. I don’t know what is right for you but sometimes the only way to change something is to do things differently and to look from another angle.... 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

Hi @Tiny_leaf ❤

 

Sorry it's taken me a while to respond, I've been trying to deal with some of my own emotions and experiences at the moment and have become quite overwhealmed during it all so needed to be a little selfish and try sort through some of my own stuff before I started reaching out to others on here and helping them. So I TOTALLY get the whole feeling overwhealmed thing!!! 

 

I've had a quick catch up read and am just wondering how you are feeling about things now? 

 

And I understand you feel you can't break up your situations and they are going to happen regardless, whether you like it or not and that's always tough and overwhealming in itself so I'm sorry to hear it. Would you feel comfortable sharing some of these with us? We might be able to help you out with some suggestions that way? Totally up to you but I think it could be helpful 😊

 

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any supports out there but I am SO GLAD to hear Reach Out is helping!! If it makes you feel any less alone, I can totally relate to that feeling. My only supports through my battles at the moment are RO and my psychologist. Speaking of which.. you asked where I found her? Surprisingly she is one of the psychs at my uni. I think she is just amazing and am so thankful to have her in my life which is why I really do encourage you to try and find the right fit for you! It's not easy. I saw one lady first and 100% didn't work for me but I guess I got extremely lucky the second time around. I've heard from alot of people through that you'll often go through a fair few before you find the one that really fits. And if it makes you feel any better, even when they are the right fit things are still really hard. It took me a couple sessions to realise my psych was the one for me and it's taken me over 6 months so far to even begin to open up to her. So just be open to the idea of finding someone and letting them help you. You don't have to be open to them, just be open in your heart to accept the help. That's what I found with me anyway and then I somehow landed myself an absolute blessing of a psych! 

 

When you mention your illness is severe and long lasting do you mind sharing a little? Because I'm saddened to hear you don't feel supported and have lost the energy to ask for help. I can't imagine that would be easy. Hang in there because things will get better. I never thought they would and I thought I would be mentally I'll for my entire life but I finally feel like things might be starting to change after 10yrs of suffering. Or at least I'm hoping they are! And I have my psych to thank for most of it so please keep searching because the right one is out there for you, I promise! It might just take some time but don't give up!!!! ❤

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

@Eden1717 I think I understand..

I really don't have the right environment though which is half the problem... Smiley Sad

I'll try it though if I can. 

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Re: TW trying to cope with too much

@MB95 no need to apologise, stuff can go like that sometimes.

 

Stuff keeps happening and I'm kinda going backwards.

 

At the moment my list of stuff mostly includes making sure if eat and drink enough to function and avoiding becoming very suicidal, plus trying to get the NDIS to do its damn job so I can actually get support Smiley Frustrated

There's a lot more but I can't even think about that right now.

 

Almost everyone I've seen so far has been worse than useless. People keep telling me to trust my therapists and asking me what's the worst that could happen. And then won't listen when I try to tell them. 

It's difficult to be optimistic for me.

 

 

As for the severe and long lasting bit, I have a good list of issues. Prepare yourself because it's a lot:

 

Persistent depressive disorder - which is treatment resistant and tends to last at least ten years, but that's just because the studies only go that far. It probably lasts longer when it's combined with:

Psychotic depression - which is know for being a very severe depression 

Complex-PTSD - like PTSD but due to repeated events during an important developmental stage. Made more complex and difficult because it was largely caused by the psychotic depression and both the condition itself and the fact that psychosis can be traumatic is only just being recognized by psychology 

Social and general anxiety - just to make general functioning that little bit harder and mess with the few things my other disorders actually let happen

This is mixed with a history of being abused and discriminated against (and I didn't actually know why until last year - turns out I'm autistic), chronic pain malpractice from nearly every professional I've come into contact with and gender dysphoria. 

 

The few professionals who aren't already terrible don't know what to do with me and can't help anyway. My depression is treatment resistant. I get no periods of full remission so I've been depressed for a solid... four/ five years I think. 

 

So basically there's a lot going on, very little accessible help and not much chance of a full recovery even if there was help. 

 

I'm pretty sure this isn't going to get better anytime soon Smiley Sad

 

Also sorry for the very long post.. 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

I found trusting my psychologist to be one of the hardest things to do too. I think it's because it's only natural to be scared to be so vulnerable in the chance we might get hurt etc. And after more than 6 months I can finally say I think I've reached the stage where I trust my psych and am willing to open up. So it takes time. And it's a different time period for everyone so I've been learning on here. Do you mind if I ask why you're struggling to trust a psychologist @Tiny_leaf ? And what you think the worst is that could happen? I'd be willing to listen if you're willing to share 😊 

 

With your list of stuff I can see why you are getting overwhealmed. Do you mind if I share some suggestions with you? Because two things on your list are two things I also struggle with so please know you're not alone!

 

Regarding the eating and drinking, this is something I find I am always neglecting especially when I am stressed, depressed or just completely overwhealmed. So basically every moment of everyday 😂 I'm not great when it comes to this and should probably listen to my own advice here but it's important to set the time aside to eat healthy meals throughout the day because you'll notice a difference in your moods and energy if you do. I find that when I don't have the time to eat even just snacking on a muesli bar or something can help? It might even be wise to set yourself little alarms/reminders to go off throughout the day to eat at certain times until it becomes a habit? Same with drinking.. I am one of those people that cannot go anywhere without my waterbottle. It's more of an attachment issue now than anything but I find taking it with me every place I go encourages me to drink because I carry it in my hand and am forever taking sips of water because it's right there. 

 

As for avoiding becomming suicidal. I also struggle with this and find that having plans and coping strategies in place can sometimes help. I know that once you've reached a point there isn't a whole lot you can really do but I've slowly been working with my psychologist to notice some of my triggers and ways that I might be able to pull myself away and distract myself from those thoughts. I understand you're currently not seeing any supports but just wondering if you're aware of some of your triggers? And if previous psychs have ever worked with you around coping strategies? They don't always work but sometimes if you're able to jump on top of them early enough they can work wonders. 

 

With the NDIS if you don't mind me asking, what is it that you're seeking support for? 

 

I can definitely hear there is a lot going on for you and it must be exhausting juggling between the diagnoses at the same time!! I'm sorry to hear some of it is treatment resistant, I'm sure that wasn't an easy thing to accept.

 

I've got a random question for you though, if you didn't know any of those diagnoses existed would you feel and believe things would be able to get better? 

Re: TW trying to cope with too much

Hey @Tiny_leaf just catching up on this thread. I really related to what you said about there being a list of symptoms to manage and not knowing where to start. That in itself is really overwhelming but I think you've got a good approach. 

 

Making sure you're eating and drinking enough as well as keeping safe, takes a lot of effort and determination Heart When there is so much for you to think about, plan treatment for and accept, it can be hard to stay optimistic. That is really understandable - I hope that one day you're able to access support from a professional that will be useful for you. In the meantime know that you have our attention, support and genuine care Heart