This is not normal... or is it!?
Sometimes I start doing this weird thing where I just can’t wait for stuff without thinking “what if I’m dead by then!?”
Is this normal?
Do I need a psych evaluation???
Just to be clear, these are not suicidal tendencies or thoughts.
Instead of looking forward to things I worry I won’t make it, for whatever reason, hit by a bus, die in a car crash, have a heart attack, the world will blow up.
Here is an example:
”Let’s organise that for the 14th”
Me: “ok great!”
Me internally: “oh the 14th.... oh man that’s two weeks away. I don’t know if I can wait that long, I don’t know what’s going to happen between now and then, you know, that’s 14 days where something bad could happen to me or you know, I could get sick or be dead, I could be really sad something might happen to my family I don’t know what my life will look like in 14 days, I really hope I’m ok then, I can’t wait that long”
I seriously get inpatient waiting for things in case something bad happens to me in between now and the event.
what the!?
This isn’t an everyday thing, but I might go through like a few weeks of it at a time and then not again for months and months.
Comments
@Saltwaterdreamtime I'm not a very good judge of what counts as "normal" but I don't think you need an urgent psych evaluation or anything.
Like @Eden1717 said it can be anxiety, or if you've been thinking about death (not just suicidal thoughts but if someone you know has died or you've been really worried about covid) it might just be the pathway your brain's taking.
Is it bothering you, or is it just a thing that's happening?
It’s really bothering me because I don’t like that negative pathway my brain takes It starts off small things like this and then shit hits the fan and I’m not well
I can’t set a date or think ahead without these worries and that’s a concern
Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime I think it makes a lot of sense to question making plans when you're uncertain about the future happening. Especially during times of anxiety or sadness.
TW Personally I experience a similar thing but with I guess feeling hopeless? Like whenever I buy something or make plans I think well what's the point in doing that if I'm probably not going to be here? Like what a waste of resources or something haha
I guess the same would apply with anxiety about thinking something terrible was going to happen to you or your family, etc?
Yeah, like I just have no ability to wait anymore without thinking I won’t make it by then @Lost_Space_Explorer5
Mm yeah I get that @Saltwaterdreamtime... Time has just been going so slowly lately. Do you have much going on to keep yourself busy?
Aw.. have you been doing anything nice for yourself in your free time @Saltwaterdreamtime?
Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime it sounds like these thoughts are really troubling you, understandably. I have definitely experienced similar thoughts when I've been feeling overly anxious, and I've been learning about how we can be so exposed to shitty things in life that our brains sometimes take us to worst case scenarios to sort of protect us from the vulnerability of joy that could be fleeting. (Does that make any sense? Plz tell me if not!)
Something that has helped me is to both try and live in the moment with gratitude, and actively allow myself to look forward to things and share that with others. And I think how you post about your 3 Positives of the day is a great example of that 
what are you up to at home today after your eventful possum rescue this morning?
yeah totally, that does make sense and I am very anxious at the moment... @Hannah-RO
Just hanging at home, we are all home today so went out for a walk and coffee together which was nice! But yeah just chillin, heap of jobs to do around the house
@Saltwaterdreamtime that sucks..
Do you think it'd be worth talking to a professional about?
@Saltwaterdreamtime i mean idk if it is normal or not but that happens to me all the time like pretty much every time i do anything or make any kind of plans i dont think it is super weird or anything i think it just goes along with having anxiety, but if you are concerned maybe it is worth talking to someone about it.
Dunno
It comes up sometimes mostly when I feel crap and I don’t look forward to anything even though there are awesome things coming up in my life the excitement of looking forward to them is overshadowed by the negative
