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not feeling very good about myself

My chest has been pretty bad lately 😞 I tried drawing again today, used some crayons and felt like crying because I suck. Just feeling really stuck and it's not helping that it feels like there is a giant knot in the middle of my bloody chest. 

N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 23-09-2017 06:07 PM

Comments

 
redhead
redheadPosted 23-09-2017 06:11 PM
@N1ghtW1ng sorry your feeling stuck, does anything help with the knot in your chest.
Is there anything you wanted to talk about
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 23-09-2017 06:18 PM
Nothing's been helping unfortunately, I'm too lazy to do anything that might help.

@redhead I just wish I could be good at the things I love doing. I'm doing an art unit at the moment and am really enjoying doing all the art but when I try to do it at home I feel so upset with myself, same with when I write or play or anything I like doing. Weekends are the hardest because I have so much free time to do the things I love.
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 23-09-2017 06:22 PM
@N1ghtW1ng sorry to hear that.
Can you do the activities without judging yourself for them and enjoy the process rather than the finished product
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 23-09-2017 06:31 PM
I wish. I can't seem to find anything that I like to draw, or anything that I can. And I suck at writing, I can't think of a good enough plot for some characters. I just sit and watch shows or play games on my phone because I'm lonely and have no talent.
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 23-09-2017 06:35 PM
@N1ghtW1ng hugs.
(though I wouldn't say you have no talent. I like your drawings)
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 23-09-2017 06:37 PM
Thanks @redhead 🙂 I wish I believed it.
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 23-09-2017 06:39 PM
Could you try and do something else/something new. Or go outside your comfort zone @N1ghtW1ng
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 23-09-2017 06:41 PM
I want to ride horses again @redhead. And hike, but I'm not sure what else I could really do, I love drawing and music and writing so much even though it's so hard.
 
 
 
 
 
letitgo
letitgoPosted 23-09-2017 08:00 PM

I'd be interested to read your writing sometime too @N1ghtW1ng, as long as you were comfortable with it.

Have you ever read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert? There's some ideas in there about accepting the results of our own creative process as something special exactly as they are, and I've found that really helpful when I start judging my writing.

Would it be possible for you to get back into horse riding? 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 24-09-2017 10:49 AM

hi @N1ghtW1ng im sorry your feeling like this. i understand how hard it is when you feel stuck both physically and mentally

has something brought this on? a recent event maybe?

 

id love to read some of your stories too, and i love your art too. you sure have talant there.

maybe if you cant think of anything to add to your creative writing could you maybe try some poem writing about certian things or how your feeling?

i find when im stuck for words i turn to poem writing and sometimes that helps too.

 

can you try looking into horse riding again? i know near me there are 2 areas that i can go for trial riding rather than my own horses. maybe theres something near you that you could enrol into some lessons, or group trail riding?

 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 25-09-2017 09:45 AM
I'm feeling so destructive right now and I want to cry. I hate myself.
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 25-09-2017 10:09 AM
@N1ghtW1ng wanna talk.

And crying is ok, it's good to let it out.
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 25-09-2017 10:15 AM
I'm not really sure what happened to be honest @redhead. I just... went into a rage. Everything is just so messy and untidy and gross and I can't do it. I hate that destructive feeling, banging and throwing things, I tried to get onto KHL webchat but all those questions they ask... I just couldn't answer coherently and now I closed it because I miss where they tell you where you are in the queue and the estimated wait time because that was nice. Now it's just a guessing game and I don't like it one bit.

I'm just an unhelpable self-destructive freak.
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 25-09-2017 10:17 AM
That's pretty heavy @N1ghtW1ng
Is there anything you do that usually helps when your like this. Could you try the phones or is that too much.
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 25-09-2017 10:22 AM
I can't physically talk to anyone @redhead. The problem is, I can make myself feel better, I know how to pull myself out of that mood but I don't, I can't.
It's only 10:30 in the morning and I have a whole day left. I'm sick of being weird.

Thank you for chatting with me @redhead 🙂
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 25-09-2017 10:23 AM
@N1ghtW1ng what's one nice thing you can do for yourself today.
I totally get not being able to do it though. I'm kinda in the same boat.
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 25-09-2017 10:38 AM
I'm not sure @redhead, I made a list of things I would like done today and I've completed nothing. I'm feeling really restless. I might just find $5 and go buy these gluten free twisties from woolies across the road. They are really nice and are 2.50 each and that'll be my feel-better treat.
I am probably going to go out later this afternoon with my mum to buy a new comforter for my bed (because the quilt is too messy/"full"/whatever) and a comforter would be nicer for summer.

Yeah. I think I'll buy some of the twisties, try to finish vaccuming the rooms and watch a heap of Criminal Minds then later in the week (or today if I feel up to it) start some assignments.
 
 
 
 
 
lokifish
lokifishPosted 25-09-2017 03:51 PM

@N1ghtW1ng I totally get that feeling of knowing how to make yourself feel better but then still not doing it. How's the twisties/vacuuming/shopping going?

 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 26-09-2017 02:55 PM
@lokifish I got my twisties, sucked at vacuuming and went shopping today because Kmart has TANGLES!!!!!! :D:D:D They are these fidget things and they are fantastic. I got to try one for the first time when I went to the uni counsellor. I bought two, a blue and a purple one and some putty and it was stupid but I don't care. 😛
 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 26-09-2017 03:21 PM
@N1ghtW1ng tangles are so cool. I want one, now I know kmart has one I'm so going to plan a trip there.

And it's great you got your twisties and even if you sucked at vacuuming it's ok.
 
 
 
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 26-09-2017 03:28 PM

@redhead yeah and they're only $4!! 😄 the vacuum wasn't working well enough for me. 

 

@lokifish they are so cool!

 

Here's my blue oneIMG_0697.JPG

 

Each section doesn't move but it rotates and is fun. They're only junior though, so they're small but still great 

 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 26-09-2017 03:33 PM
@N1ghtW1ng you could join 2 together to make a big one
 
 
 
 
 
lokifish
lokifishPosted 26-09-2017 03:43 PM

Ooooh they look awesome! I love fiddling with those kinds of things when I'm really agitated. Gonna look for them next time I'm at the shops 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
redhead
redheadPosted 28-09-2017 01:40 PM

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@N1ghtW1ng look what I got today 

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