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struggling

i am sorry i havent been here and havent been as supportive as i normally would. i have been really busy but also my mental health has really gone downhill along with my physical health. i am in the middle of getting some tests to confirm whether i have a form of cancer or if it something else causing these symptoms/  i am struggling quite badly where im at the point that im struggling to even ask for help, see the point in seeking support or even wanting to ask now. its not really the way i wanted to come back and i know i dont deserve support esp for being so neglectful here but it would be much appreciated if i could have some support and help. 

scared01
scared01Posted 26-07-2019 08:18 PM

Comments (8 pages)

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 08-09-2019 07:27 PM
it is so far away @JanaG im glad family is coming but are keeping boundaries too. I told them to go and enjoy the time away even if im not out and about it shouldn't stop them from experiencing the area.they will be at the same hotel but in another room to me as ive decided to stay a night or 2 once im discharged.
I just made a one pot stew and im watching the pitch perfect series. im watching part 2 now.
 
 
 
 
 
JanaG
JanaGPosted 08-09-2019 07:38 PM

That's great @scared01 😄 Stew and pitch perfect sounds amazing. I am watching the old Charmed series at the moment.

 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 08-09-2019 07:57 PM
oh wow that's an old tv series @JanaG I have watched a few eps but didn't really catch onto it.
 
 
 
 
 
JanaG
JanaGPosted 08-09-2019 08:00 PM

Yes it is! Yeah, fair enough 🙂 Hope you're enjoying your evening!

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 08-09-2019 08:48 PM
its going ok @JanaG just put big fat liar on and having another cup of tea. think ill go for a shower afterwards. feeling pretty sticky after being at work all day
 
 
 
 
 
reach804
reach804Posted 14-09-2019 03:28 PM

hey @scared01, just checking in to see how you've been going in the last few days? 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 16-09-2019 05:36 PM
hey @reach804
I am super busy lately. with an upcoming operation I have so many things I need to arrange, organise, pay for and try to fit in appointments for myself and caree. so its been pretty crazy. theres only about 3 weeks left to go now. ill probably pop in and out still though when I can. itll quiten down after the surgery so will be able to be here more again.
its pretty overwhelming though trying to get everything sorted out
 
 
 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 18-09-2019 10:02 AM

@scared01 Sounds like you've been so busy. Good on you for managing an overwhelming time - I hope you have some down time before your operation Heart We will be here for you whenever you have time to jump on the forums. 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 18-09-2019 02:17 PM
thank you @Bre-RO
 
 
 
 
 
WheresMySquishy
WheresMySquishyPosted 18-09-2019 10:01 PM

You sound so busy @scared01. It sounds like there's a lot to prepare for the operation. I hope everything goes well. Heart

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 19-09-2019 09:20 AM
I am super busy atm @WheresMySquishy I still have quite a lot to do and since im getting pest controllers next week with a caree who is to put it simply 'a grub' I think while im cleaning one room hes making a mess in another and just goes round and round 😐😐😐 theres only about 2 weeks till the op so im trying to arrange nursing care, paying them and hotels as they need payments 14 days in advance meaning ive only got 5 days to get there to pay- which is 2 hours away.
. in between now and the op besides what ive already mentioned I also have to fit in appointments, a few tests to take with me, caree appointments, house cleaning, shopping and getting a few things to take with me, getting new tyres and a few other repairs I had booked in before I knew the op was changed to a closer date. its quite overwhelming!
 
 
 
 
 
WheresMySquishy
WheresMySquishyPosted 19-09-2019 08:52 PM

That sounds like a crazy amount of work @scared01. Smiley Sad
I'd like to know what would happen if someone without much money needs an operation like that. It sounds like a headache.
Your caree sounds a bit like my grandma. She makes a lot of messes that we're forever cleaning up too. I've been having a lot of problems with her recently. She seems to be getting paranoid about me leaving the house and wants me to stay with her all the time, which is hard because I'm also doing volunteer work outside of the house and visiting my sister in hospital. Someone from My Aged Care came and said that we can organise for respite, where someone can stay with her when we're out of the house, but we have to tell them when to come in advance. I would really love to be able to leave the house spontaneously, but it's hard.

That's so frustrating that your family keeps hassling you. Smiley Sad Reminds me of my family. I try to hide what I am doing when my family members come home because they keep asking annoying questions and demanding that I do stuff for them.
Would your family members understand if you tell them that you need space?

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 19-09-2019 09:15 PM
it really is a lot to do @WheresMySquishy the only reason im able to do it was cause I was successful in getting a loan. it mostly cause its out of area. if the operation was in my area I wouldn't need to do much as id be home within a day or 2 and not a huge amount of expenses etc.

it really is hard having to care for someone else, and when its not hard its super draining hey. im glad that you can get help at home though even if its not spontaneously. some help I guess is better than no help.,,

my family are demanding for sure and we don't really have the best relationship that's for sure. what bothers me besides those expectations etc is that I feel like they are spying on me, not like getting onto my accounts sort of thing. for example im cleaning out the house and selling some things but when something that doesn't have an obvious cause or something simple like clothing item, I get the hundred questions. tonight I advertised a piece of equipment that I said I would start using again and my sibling msgs me basically growling at me and asking why im selling it when I said I would use it etc. it really puts me on the spot when I don't have to answer them. just makes me upset.
 
 
 
 
 
Jess1-RO
Jess1-ROPosted 20-09-2019 12:21 PM

Hi @scared01,

 

Getting asked a million questions is really exhausting, and I am hearing that in your last post Heart From speaking to you over the last year and a half, I have come to know that you are such a strong and independent person who is carrying a lot of the responsibility of your family at the moment. Caring for others can make you a stronger and more resilient person- I definitely see both of these qualities. When you are making such big decisions for your family and their wellbeing, like planning their care when you are in hospital, the flipside of feeling interrogated for what you sell online must be really frustrating. 

 

When you are recovering from surgery, will you have some respite from your caring responsibilities in that time? I can see you got the loan to arrange care at home- so glad to hear this has come through for you Heart Are the hospital staff aware of your caring responsibilities? I'm wondering if there might be additional support for you while you are there as a young carer.

 

Thinking of you this week @scared01! When caring does become hard, or draining, you can always reach out to us here. We are here to listen and show you the compassion and love that you are giving to everyone else in your life right now Heart

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 20-09-2019 01:00 PM

hi @Jess1-RO  nice to see you Heart 

 

 

family can sometimes be so difficult. lately I struggle to even be around them without feeling exhausted now. but since I don't get reprieve its like im constantly drained from them.

 

ill have about 3 days away from family etc so that might help abit. ill be close but not close enough sort of things. the hospitals aware of everything from medical conditions, to family roles, to caring duties, even to my location being so far away. they cant do to much about it though esp since im out of area. 

 

 

ive had so really upsetting and hard news this morning at an appointment. its taking me a while to process it even though it was something I expected. I guess I didn't expect it to actually become my new reality and now will need treatments of some kind for the rest of my life. 

I know you've said im strong and resilient but im struggling to bounce back from this. 

 
 
 
 
 
WheresMySquishy
WheresMySquishyPosted 21-09-2019 08:21 PM

I'm so sorry about the bad news @scared01. That really is awful. You're right that it's unfair that you have deal with such heavy things at a young age when you should be in the prime of your life. Smiley Sad

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and your family doesn't make it any easier for you. I'm glad that you can at least have a bit of a break as you recover from your surgery.

It can be so hard to convince your caree that you need to do your own thing and that they need to cooperate with you. My grandma also tries to guilt-trip me into staying with her all day. She doesn't like anyone coming to the house who is not family and complained about the carer we've hired for her in the past. I'm not sure what the solution to that is but I'm hoping that she'll eventually get used to respite. Would your caree listen to the positives about having respite?

I agree with @Jess1-RO. You sound like such an independent and resilient person. You're such an inspiration to many of us on the forums. Heart

 
 
 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 20-09-2019 04:04 PM

Hey @scared01 

 

I'm sorry to read that you've received some upsetting news today, especially with everything you have going on already. I hope you're given the space you need to process the news and do something nice for yourself. 

 

With everything going on it sounds like you could really use some respite Heart  I wanted to link you in with this really awesome website that allows you to put in your location and search for the support you need. It's called AskIzzy - I did a quick search for you and it came up with a bunch of results. This here is one of them but I'd recommend exploring the site and seeing what service may be best for you. 

 

I thought I'd also pop the government page for Young Carers here - Just in case there's any information there you haven't yet come across. 

 

Lots of strength to you Heart 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 20-09-2019 06:09 PM
hey @Bre-RO
yeah its been really hard to try and process mixed in with being so tired but I also know I wont sleep tonight is making things abit of a mess here in my life and brain/body.

It would be nice to have respite however my caree also has to consent to it and when I mention anything like that or even if I show abit of emotions except happy. I get told I make him feel sick because im not happy and that hes becoming a burden or whatever other guilt trick he has. im linking in with young carers already, just not involved in their groups or anything else. they say to ring carers Australia or demetias aust or usually whatever site has the person condition ie alzheimers, diabetes etc.

ill have a look at the other sites though and see what happens.
right now all I feel like doing is hiding away.
 
 
 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 20-09-2019 10:40 PM

Hi @scared01 

 

Sounds like you're juggling a lot at the moment.  I am amazed at your strength and courage.  I know you said you may not get much sleep tonight, but I hope you can do something nice for yourself as you deserve it Heart

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 03-03-2020 10:15 AM
thanks @Andrea-RO
I honestly don't feel like going though. sometimes I wish they would just email me the results cause im in and out within 5 minutes anyway. takes me longer to get there and wait around then it does for me to see the gp.
 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 02-03-2020 11:02 PM

Hey @scared01! I'm glad to hear that you've been able to make some headway with your medical stuff! It'll be really good to be able to check in with your GP, not only about your contraception, but also to check out your ultrasounds. 

It also sounds like a really good idea to try and combine your therapies, regarding the osteo and massage therapist! you'll have to let us know how it goes

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 02-03-2020 08:00 PM
thank you @WheresMySquishy @Taylor-RO
I see my gp on Wednesday to review one of my ultrasounds (I have a contraceptive that needs to be looked at as I think its moved and causing some side effects) so im going to again speak to her. Im currently waiting on some xrays to come back though. Ive decided to go back to see my osteopath and give it another go and see if the osteo and massage therapist combined (separate appts but both therapies each week/fortnight sort of thing) might help abit more. The osteo said before any adjustments etc are done she likes to order scans and since ive not had any for about 2 yrs she has ordered some new ones. I see her soon so hopefully might provide some answers as to whats going on
 
 
 
 
 
WheresMySquishy
WheresMySquishyPosted 01-03-2020 06:11 PM

@scared01  I'm sorry they didn't take you seriously. 😞 I hope everything turns out fine.
I think it's frustrating when doctors decide that you don't look 'sick enough'. My urologist told me that because I am young, I didn't physically look or feel as sick as other patients. I actually walked half an hour to a job interview when I first had symptoms (it would have just been ten minutes of walking but I got lost Smiley LOL).
I have some other ideas if you still don't have any answers. You could bring a support person or advocate who can give an account of your symptoms to your next appointment. You could also explain the impact of the symptoms, or how long you've had them for. I found it helpful to mention that I couldn't sleep from the cramps I was having and they weren't responding to over the counter painkillers. It might also be worth asking if you can get a second opinion.

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 01-03-2020 03:30 PM
Hey @scared01,

It is great that you are remaining firm and exploring all avenues. It will rule out some other possibilities that may allow you to narrow your focus. It is a really challenging feeling to sit with especially if you feel like you are not being taken seriously. I can relate to what you mentioned about yourself - I have a high pain tolerance so often remind myself to be extra conscious of this. I wish you all the best with your scans, sending positive vibes Heart
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 29-02-2020 06:39 PM
hey @Andrea-RO
new music is always great! I love when I come across a few new songs (and then they get worn out on repeat 😏😂)

I tried being more firm with them but didn't have any luck, still get the 'theres nothing wrong' talk. im not sure if its because even when I was at my worst (mentally and/or physically) I still act like im fine and I even look fine so it makes it hard to show that I really am in pain etc.
Ive just had xrays done by my chiropractor and I get some results back on Monday, if nothing shows up on those xrays im going to again ask for some brain scans or something because that means I really have done everything and so have the other health professionals ive seen as well.

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