Struggling with being Pansexual

@May_  I do find it ok to talk to my family, but they don’t understand much about it, I’m not sure if I wanna be in a world where my friends hate me bcuz I’m not straight, I know that I am Pansexual as every one of my relationships (that always fail) I fall in love with there personality, and I lose everyone I date bcuz I’m to annoying, that’s what one of my exes said, I’m crushing on someone, he’s a transgender, but he’s not available he’s taken😒

@Mcro I’m doing ok I guess, I got my lip pierced today, so I did something for myself, but it’s late at night that I struggle the most, I go to sleep with my depressing songs playing, I relate to them a lot, and I’ll check out those links now, I’m honestly struggling with where I fit in the world, and I just wanna give up, but my mum promoted me to come on here and ask if youse could help

Hey @Cheeseburger, so cool about the lip piercing! Did it hurt a lot? Great of your mum to prompt you to come on RO and chat. Our sexuality can be difficult for us and other people to understand, particularly when we are young and still learning about ourselves and still trying to figure everything out. People tend to like to put everyone in boxes but I think our sexuality is fluid and changes, wouldn't the world be a super boring place if we were all the same?!

Have you checked those links out, what did you think? 

Keep doing things for yourself over the weekend that make you happy, do you have anything planned? 

Hope today is a good day for you!!! 🙂 

@Mcro  It didn’t hurt at all, I didn’t even realise it was done, and it would be boring if the world was the same.

i have checked out the links, and they have helped me a little, and I do understand things a little better.

i haven’t got anything planned for the weekend, and hopefully I can get thru this struggle I’m having Rn, but it’s hard as I wanna find someone who understands.

and todays a good day for me, I went out for waffles this morning with a family friend, and enjoyed it, and then we went shopping and I brought 2 games for my PlayStation, but other then that, I’m still having weird thoughts....I’m trying to change that but it’s not working, I can’t stop thinking about things

Hey @Cheeseburger 

I'm glad to hear that you did something nice for yourself today, I'm sure that lip piercing looks smashing! Your mum also seems to be really supportive, wanting to help and understanding that there are other places to seek support.

It sucks that you feel like you want to give up. But there are lots of reasons to keep going. There are heaps of friends here who already love you for who you are and are willing to help and support you.

It's a shame your crush is unavailable but there will be heaps of others in the future as I have found in my experience.

I can kinda relate in a way.. I'm not straight either. A friend told me that I'm probably pan, same as you, and I went with it. But I don't bring it up because its confusing to a lot of people what pansexual is. There are also other aspects of me which even I think are a little messed up but I have a couple friends who love and support me no matter what and when they told me that I felt so much better. Sometimes I find it hard to feel like I fit too just because my family and my boyfriend are homophobic and often say that its just wrong to be anything other than straight which I know is not true but it still hurts coming from the people I love.

Anyway, I just want to say to keep standing tall. It's totally okay to be who you are and even to take time to figure it out and understand. You seem incredibly nice and not annoying at all, i don't know why your ex would say such a thing. Perhaps helping your family understand more about it can put them in a position to give more support? It's clear that they want to help you and that's great. I hope you feel alright and keep doing nice things for yourself. xx

@Ladybug thanks and my mum is really supportive, she helps me when I’m depressed, I try not to bring up my sexuality either but they ask me why I can’t jeep a guy anymore, I’ll try standing y’all, and I am nice but ppl just don’t see it, and my ex is jealous that I’m not huritng over him anymore, and yea I’m wanting support as I only just came out to them last year, I didn’t want them to see me differently, my family I mean

Hey @Cheeseburger, it is great that you enjoyed your day today. It is amazing that you also have your mum as a support for when you are feeling depressed. You mentioned your friends hating you because you are not straight, is there something that has made you think they would be unsupportive of your sexuality? QLife is available if you ever need to chat about your sexuality. They are a telephone service and have really amazing resources! 

@Taylor-RO well, I told them, that I was Pansexual, they were fine for a week and then they just suddenly stopped talking to me, one of my friends said that there parents don’t like them talking to someone who isn’t straight, and I came out to my parents last year that I wasn’t straight, it was hard to do but they support me, and they said as long as I’m happy they are, but my friends have went weird ever since I told them about me not being straight

@Taylor-RO my parents accept me for who I am, they wouldn’t care if I was a lesbian, but honestly I’m struggling with things Rn, and I have no one else besides my parents to talk to, it’s hurting as I need a friend to lean on, but I guess I never will have a friend, but that’s the story of my life with friends, they use and abuse me, but I knew I wasn’t straight for a few years just didn’t know how to tell my parents, I finally got the courage to tell them last year, and I was nervous as hell about it.

im never gonna find real friends, or happiness as the person I was crushing on, said that I was ugly and I should go hurt myself, I can’t find anyone anymore😭

@Taylor-RO I have tried explaining my sexuality to my friends but they don’t wanna hear it, they say I can msg them but when I do they don’t reply, honestly I’m starting to think I’m better of going back to having no one.

And yea I’m ok from that comment, but late at night bcuz of everything I’ve been going through, it makes me think that their right, I don’t belong in the world

@May_  I slept today, bcuz when I’m sleeping I have no problems, and everyone likes me, but I can’t speak to some off my friends in person as they don’t live in the same country, but it’s been hard, I have only had one friend who hasn’t stopped talking to me, honestly with how I’m feeling I’m feeling that I should just do what they want and date guys only....😰 I’m missing my friends so much

and I stayed safe today thanks to one friend constantly telling me that he’ll miss me, but it’s hard as I only have him.....I just wanna find one person to accept me and so I can call my own, as I’m really sad that I can’t call someone my own😰😰😭😭

and I’m trying to be open but it’s hard sometimes, especially when all u want to do is give up, but I have been coming on here and talking about it, and it’s helping a bit, but late at night my depression starts to take over😰😰

@Cheeseburger  sleeping can be a great strategy. 

And hearing nice things from your friend can be really helpful too! 

It's really important for all of us to think about things we can do to stay safe by ourselves, as we dont' always have people around us. 

Sorry to hear that you've been feeling like giving up - apart from coming on here, what can you do when you feel that way? 

There is an article we have here with ideas , and a picture here with lots of ideas - perhaps you could choose one or two from these  to try?

@gina-RO I’m feeling a bit better lately, since my best friend told me something, but if, I didn’t have him, I probably wouldn’t get outta bed, bcuz now I’m being told I’m not Pansexual

He said that he needs me around for he laughs I give him, and he can’t lose another friend, and he said that if I left him he would be sad, and he said my family would be too, so I’m not leaving ima try and keep my head up and #staystrong

I'm so sorry to hear that your experience of being pansexual is being invalidated like that @Cheeseburger.  Your experience is your own, and you're allowed to feel however you do, no matter what other people say. Sending you lots of good vibes 🙂

I'm glad that you're trying to keep your head up. What might that look like, do you reckon? How can we support you in this? 🙂

@letitgo  I honestly don’t know, but on a better note i brought myself a Pansexual flag, and it’s on its way, I’ve been having a good day today, just about to sit down and watch Netflix, my favourite Show😊😊 honestly last night I didn’t have a bad night.

but this morning when I turned my phone on, it went bad but then it became good again, it was bad bcuz I have been getting a lot of haters, bcuz I’m not scared to admit what my sexuality is.

@Cheeseburger the flag sounds cool!
I'm sorry you've been getting hate from people 😞 you're brave to grapple with your sexuality the way that you have, and if they don't like it it's their problem, not yours Hope you're enjoying your Netflix, that sounds like lovely self-care xx

@ecla34  I feel like I’m starting to become more happier now, I think only reason I was depressed was bcuz of my negative friendships, bcuz since I got rid of them, I haven’t felt really sad, and it’s their problem their losing a good friend.

Honestly Rn I’m suppose to be sleeping but I woke up as I fell asleep with Netflix on lol, but I’m happy

Update: my happiness has been short, I’m feeling sad, and lonely and I feel like I’m lost in the world, I feel like I lost myself and I can’t seem to find myself again, im struggling majorly Rn, and I can’t seem to be able to talk to anyone.

my best friend he’s got school and work, I’m scared as I start working on Monday, I’m afraid that I’m gonna be told to take my lip piercing out, I don’t wanna do that as it’s something I’ve wanted for a while.

@TOM-RO  Ik every time I see my username I wanna get a McDonald’s cheeseburger too.

im safe tonight but I’m extremely upset and hurting badly, I WANT THIS PAIN TO END, but I’m strong and I’m gonna keep strong.

i can be happy but then something triggers my depression and I fall down again and back to being depressed.

abd u answered what kinda role it is when u mentioned McDonald’s, I’m looking forward to working there but I’m also scared as I haven’t worked for nearly 2 years😰😰 that’s wgats made me upset, and bcuz I found out a friend was only being my friend bcuz they felt ‘sorry for me’

Hey @Cheeseburger 

I'm glad to hear you're safe. You are right - you are strong. I love to hear you say that. Positive self talk can work wonders in terms of one's wellbeing you know  You are strong and you will get through tonight!! You've got this. 

Oh congratulations. McDonalds will look great on your resume. Fun fact about me - McDonalds was my first ever job! You know what this job means for you yeah? Lots of yummy, discounted, cheeseburgers are coming your way. 

I'm sorry to hear you heard that about your friend. All I can say is that, in my personal experience, things tend to become easier as you get older.