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TW: My life.

Hi, @AngelJoy here. I've decided to tell you a bit about my life.

 Every day is a pain, I get broken down and it takes ages for me to get back up. My brother calls me a winge, loser. My mum said i am weird, boring and that I need a personality. I am rather sensitive so I took it pretty bad. I am not allowed online, I pretty much can't do anything. All I do is sit at home doing schoolwork or listening to music, and patting my cat, Smiley. I have a lot of metal illnesses, I think. I don't actually fully know because I'm too afraid to ask my parents if I can see a counsellor or therapist or psychologist. But, I do have some ideas about what I might have. This includes anxiety, depression and dpd or bpd. But, I could have more I just don't really know all about it. I've been wanting to get help for a while now. But it is hard to get help when you can't go online, and are too afraid to talk to your parents. I don't have any friends, I have online friends though. And yes, I have to go online to talk to them. My best online friend actually understands me which is good. He's the one who said I might have dpd or bpd like him. He says I'm literally him, like a younger him even though I'm a female. Anyway, I feel like nothing inside a rather lot, and I don't really eat much anymore. Because of my metal illnesses it's hard to think straight. Like, my mind is all over the place as well as my emotions. I have a lot of bad thoughts, thoughts which you do not want to live with. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts. And they aren't nice. But I have to try keep going no matter how many times I get knocked down. I try my best for everything.

Ok, that is all for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this, bye.

AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 20-02-2021 10:15 AM
 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 22-02-2021 01:30 PM

I asked her 2 years ago. Please do not get my mum in trouble for not doing anything. 😞

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 23-02-2021 11:22 AM

Hi @AngelJoy , it's definitely not about getting anyone in trouble, we do just want to make sure that you can access the help and support you deserve Heart  I think I might have mentioned this before, but thought this info may be helpful for other people in the community as well - once you're 15 and over, you're able to get your own medicare card and can see a doctor by yourself if that's something you'd ever like to try . This article also has some super practical tips on how to get help for mental health. 

 

Sometimes it can feel weird asking for help, especially if it's not something that you really talk about in your family, but it really shows so much strength and courage. 

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 23-02-2021 12:20 PM

My sister is nearly 18 and she doesn't have her own Medicare card. My mum has all our names on the one card. I actually was going to ask last night if I could know more about it, so thank you.

I was also told that you could bulk bill so you don't have to pay, is that right? If so, is there a limit to how many times you can do that?

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 23-02-2021 01:57 PM

Hey @AngelJoy , 

 

Yep, some GP clinics bulk bill everyone, and some will often bulk bill young people under 16. Bulk billing means that Medicare pays for your whole appointment, so you don't need to pay a bill to see a GP - you just need a Medicare card. 

 

There's not a limit for how many times you can see a GP and be bulk billed 🙂 

 

A GP can also help you do a mental health care plan to see a psychologist - those sessions are limited. 

 

This article explains some more details about Medicare works and how to get your own card (for young people who are 15 or over). The steps for getting your card are pretty simple - you'll need either your birth certificate, passport or a driver's licence as ID, then it's 3 steps: 

 

1.  Fill out this form.

2. Bring it in to a Centrelink service centre, along with ID (your birth certificate, driver’s licence or learner’s permit, or passport).

3. Wait for Centrelink to mail you your card.

 

This page also has links to the forms so you can do it by mail if needed. 

 

I hope this helps a bit! If your sister is interested in having her own card, do you think that's something you could do together? 

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 23-02-2021 04:10 PM

I don't know, I'll have to ask my mum. But she'd ask why we need one, and she'll probably think it's weird why I'm asking for one. I don't really know.

 

Thank you for telling me all that.

 
 
 
 
 
Hannah-RO
Hannah-ROPosted 24-02-2021 02:16 PM

Hey @AngelJoy 

Thanks for asking these questions! Please let us know if you ever have any more and we'll do our best to answer them Heart 

Do you want to chat through what this conversation with your mum might look like? Totally up to you if you don't want to do this, just letting you know we're here to discuss things if you think that might be helpful Heart

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 10:10 AM
I give up, on everything, have a nice life everyone. Goodbye.
 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 13-03-2021 12:03 PM

Hey @AngelJoy, could you tell us a bit more about what's going on for you right now? I can see you're really struggling with today 💖

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:12 PM

😞 My best friend unfriended me on roblox, and he isn't taking to me. I think he hates me or thinks I'm a liar. 😭 I cried in the morning because of this, and I felt so terrible that I just wanted to kill myself. Because I love my best friend, I have a crush on him but I'll never win him over. No one understands how I feel and what I think, I feel like a bad person on the inside, someone with a black heart. Like, I'm nice and sweet on the outside but have a bitter heart. I don't mean to push everyone away, but I am doing it anyway. I have no control of myself anymore. I did self harm again the other day. That's twice that I've done self harm in my life. I want help but I'm too afraid to do so, I can't do anything alone yet I have to. It's hard, I have all these awful thoughts in my head, and I get angry so easily. 

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:17 PM

I'm all alone, I have no friends. I have been alone for 6 years, and I can never do what I want. I hate myself, and I don't like to say this but I hate everything, life, me, everything. There's no point. I have a broken heart and empty soul. I am never noticed, I'm always left out, I'm a ghost. 

 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 13-03-2021 12:27 PM

That's an incredibly heartbreaking situation, and I can really understand why you're feeling so awful @AngelJoy. it would feel so scary and lonely to have your best friend not want to talk to you. Do you think you could patch things up with your best friend? Maybe they were having an off night but they'll be ready to talk things out with you later?

 

Is there anything we can do to help you feel a bit better right now? Maybe we can play some games on the games thread to help distract you from how you're feeling?

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:42 PM

I told my best friend that I am sorry if I hurt him. I don't know if he'll want to talk to me later, he goes through a lot. I'm not allowed online so I can't do that sorry. I feel exhausted. 😞 But not exhausted enough to stop me from making my yummy lunch! 😄

 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 13-03-2021 12:46 PM

I'm glad you're having such a nice lunch! What are you making?

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:48 PM

It's like having a pizza, but as a sandwich!!😁

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:54 PM

Oops, I mean lemon herb and garlic seasoning.

 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 13-03-2021 01:14 PM

oh that does sound yum! Very jealous

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 01:25 PM

Hehehehe. My best friend friended me again, but I don't know if he is ignoring me. I'll tell you if anything happens.

 
 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 13-03-2021 12:52 PM

It's got tomato paste, with some ham, wurst, cheese and some lemon grass spice. Yuuuuuuuuuuum! 

 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 20-02-2021 11:55 AM

I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through lately @AngelJoy. It sounds like things have been tough for you and that you are not getting much support from your family. So great that you have some good friends who have been supporting you through this though. It sounds like your family environment can be hurtful and upsetting at times, how do you cope with feeling that way? 


Sounds like it must be hard for you right now as you are considering seeing a professional for some more support but are too afraid to ask your parents. Are there any reasons that make you feel afraid to approach your parents for this extra support? 

 

You mentioned that you have thoughts of suicide, have you been having these thoughts lately? Are there any activities that you could do today that might help you feel a bit better? Smiley Happy

 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 20-02-2021 12:19 PM

And my body has just been aching lately even though I've done nothing. At 1 this morning I woke up then, and I couldn't go back to sleep. And my body was just aching, I turned over and my shoulder hurt, then my lower back hurt. It felt like I was gonna die to be honest, though that might sound a bit like nonsense. I sort of ache now still. And my breathing isn't that good, I have this, well I think I have this thing where when I breath in the muscle doesn't expand on the left side. So, then it starts to hurt, and it hurts more when I take deeper breaths. But, yeah. My body has been hurting all over for some reason.

 
 
 
A_Friend
A_FriendPosted 20-02-2021 02:46 PM

@AngelJoy I have had suicidal thoughts before and I can empathise with the struggle to tell your parents. Something that helped was videos like a message to the depressed, Listen to this when stressed/overwhelmed/depressed/etc and if you are feeling... watch this. This helped me to feel less alone and heard. @Sophia-RO has asked some great thought-provoking questions, im patiently awaiting your response to the latest questions.

 
 
 
 
AngelJoy
AngelJoyPosted 21-02-2021 08:51 AM

Nope, I am not going to act on the thoughts. I have a reason to be here, and lots of other people need me. I have helped people with their problems, and they always say that I am the bestest friend ever. The nicest person ever. There's this one girl on this game i play, her name is Sweet. And she is the happiest girl ever, she is so positive. She said she doesn't know what she would've done without me. I filled her spirit, I believed in her. I had faith in her, and treated her like a sister. Also, the pain in my body has gone. Yesterday, was just a day I had to suffer physically. But, today is a new day and I am not suffering physically. Sometimes I did say that I was gonna kill myself, but that was just nonsense. We all have a reason to be here, and these things happen for a reason. But, we just have to keep going, have to find that light in the darkness. That's what me and my best friend say.

 

@A_Friend I shall watch that video when I can. Thank you.

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 21-02-2021 08:51 PM
Hi @AngelJoy, I have been reading through your thread and I am sorry to hear about how incredibly tough things get for you Smiley Sad That must be so upsetting to deal with.

It is awesome that you have a friend who helps you through this and that you know that you have a reason to be here. You sound like a really helpful and caring friend - everyone must be so lucky to have your in their lives. Helping people is an incredibly special thing to do. I hope you have more days like today where you can see the light in the darkness Heart
 
 
 
 
 
A_Friend
A_FriendPosted 21-02-2021 10:49 AM

@AngelJoy I can really empathise with this mindset that your speaking of here. Having that mindset is really important, but I think even with the mindset you should not belittle your suicidal thoughts to nonsense because they show your strength to going even during tougher times.

 
 
 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 20-02-2021 02:07 PM
That sounds really hard @AngelJoy. It must have been quite scary when you woke up feeling sore and thought that you might die. The physical concerns that you talk about sound quite worrisome, it sounds like it would be a good idea for you to see a medical professional about some of these symptoms. I would encourage you to approach your parents and let them know about how your body has been feeling lately and asking them if you can see your GP.

Sorry to hear that you have been having suicidal thoughts lately, do you intend to act on these thoughts or are they just thoughts for now? Are you feeling safe right now?

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