Tough time need somewhere to talk...

I dont know where to start. I am bisexual. I have been attracted to guys and girls since I was 12 years old. I am very passive and shy during my teenage years. I hid the fact from everyone and pursued girls.  I thought it was abnormal for me to be attracted to guys, so i keep it to myself all these years I am 53 now.... I never had any guy friends over the years. I did get married divorced and remarried.  I have been remarried for 6 years. I have been going to this mental health group since 2011. I made a guy friend there almost a  year ago... I will call him D.  .

It was great to have a guy friend, and to get out of the house and hangout with. I practically went over to his house everyday for many months he and his became pretty good friends until a old friend of his resurfaced.  The old friend was a homosexual... HIm and D grew up on the same street according to D.  WEll 3 was a crowd for me I backed off from D and he and his other friend started hanging around D more.

Our friendship started really struggled. I feel like I had lost him as a friend, and we had words and did not speak for 3 or 4 days. I broke the silence. I cried my eyes out for many days over the ending of this friendship. we have talked maybe a handful of times since then.   On occasion He would tell me he thought I was hiding something....I never told him I was bisexual. until several days ago. I told him over the phone. we didn't talk for several days then he calls me up asking if I had feelings for him.  I told him I was happy where I was at in my life for the most part that is true. BUt I think I like D a little more than I should...He told me he was happy where he is at. Everything is a mess. I love that guy. Im not in love with him but I miss spending time with him. A part of me wants to have a relationship with  a guy and its not a sex thing, even though I feel like I could be more affectionate with a guy in my life that was more than just a friend. I dont know where my friendship stands iwth D.  I stay at home most days occupied wth the computer.

Thanks for listening or reading this crap. maybe someone can shed some light on all this ctrazyness!!  i am very emotional and crying alot

Rtodd