When to give up...(tw)
I’m sorry for making so many posts lately, and for not being able to give much support to others atm. Thanks for being kind and listening to me 
The last few months I’ve been feeling super burnt out, exhausted, and sad. I feel so incredibly hopeless about my future. I feel so lonely, nights I cry because I so badly want someone to hug me or just touch me, but the thought of reaching out to others or trying to build a friendship is terrifying. The last couple of weeks, I’ve had urges to hurt myself pretty much every day. Reality feels warped and far away, replaced with an apocalyptic landscape where I cannot breathe. I can’t concentrate, I don’t care about even my favourite things, I feel sick, and all I want to do all day is sleep.
I’m safe right now and I have been working hard to force myself to do the everyday necessities like showering, eating, caring for my family, and going to class. As well I’ve been working hard to fight the self harm/suicide urges by using distractions, STOP and IMPROVE skills, and finding my wise mind. Sure, there are moments of relief, like lifting my head to breathe after being underwater. But lately I wonder, when do I just give in? I’m so very tired...when can I stop fighting?
Comments
But I want to say I second every reply posted here so far and you should be proud of yourself for fighting so hard because I've felt like what you've felt like and it sucks so keep doing what you're doing.
I had a really rough time about 4/5 years ago and I've struggled with depression on and off since then. I wouldn't say I'm struggling right now or anything but I'm still fighting. And I'm tired too. Occasionally, I don't try. I'll stay in bed and not shower and ignore messages. It might have won the battle that day but it hasn't won the war yet. I used to hate the saying 'it gets better' because for so long it felt like it never would and it just irritated me. But... it does get better. One day you won't have to try as hard and I truly believe that one day, for myself too, that you won't have to fight at all. And thats the day I keep going for.
Thanks for the message @smileandwave I hope things improve for you soon!
I feel really really really really really bad. I have to hold everything together and I don’t want to anymore! I’m so scared and sad. It’s not fair.
Hey @DruidChild, it sounds like you're having a tough night. 😞 Is there anything in particular that is causing you to feel so down?
Family stuff mostly @mrmusic, but also just feeling hopeless about life. I watched a movie with my family but I still feel really low. I also have to get a blood test tomorrow and I’m really anxious about that (I have a needle phobia and also get very anxious about being touched by doctors). I’m so tired of being alive.
Hey @DruidChild, I can really relate to this experience of wanting to give up. I know I've said this to you before, but I'll say it again - I'm really proud that you haven't given up. Despite all of what is being thrown at you constantly, you have continued to stay strong. And that is such an inspiring quality. The support you give others here on the forums is really amazing, and I just hope that you're able to give yourself the same compassion and love.
Good luck with your blood test tomorrow!
Hi @DruidChild! I'm sorry you're feeling this way. 
I have been really exhausted recently as well due to caring for my sister. I don't have the energy to go out much any more and don't feel like it anyway knowing that my sister is stuck at home unable to walk. I think it's really hard to care for our families as young people on top of everything else that we have to do in this stage of our lives such as going to class and starting a career. I just wanted to say that you're so resilient and strong. I'm glad that you're safe. I think @Hozzles made some really good points.
What helps me when I'm feeling exhausted is to find things to look forward to in the future. There are some apps you can download which count down the days of something you're anticipating.
Additionally, gradually exercising or walking can be really helpful for exhaustion, especially if you do a little bit more each day. I find that if I don't move around much, I get even more tired.
I hope you can feel better soon.
@Hozzles and @WheresMySquishy thank you so much for your thoughtful replies, I’m sorry that you’re both going through similar things right now.
I really appreciate the suggestions as well! I do walk a lot (I can’t drive so I have to walk everywhere lmao) but getting back into doing yoga might help. And I really like the idea of planning some self care to do for myself 🙂
Today I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve been through periods this dark before (and, with the nature of my illness, it’s something that will almost definitely happen again) but that I also have periods of calm and coping, so that’s something to look forward to.
Hi @DruidChild,
I just wanted to say you're absolutely not alone in this feeling. This post really hit home for me because all of what you're describing is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Some days are better than others but it's all really scary and I wish I could say I knew how to get out of this cycle. In the mean time, it's great you're working hard to fight those urges. I know how loud and strong they can be, sometimes.
It could be useful to remind yourself that rest is okay, sometimes. On days I can't do much else but lie in bed all day I try to be kind to myself, telling myself things like 'Hozzles, you've had some really rough experiences in the past, so of course it would be normal to be exhausted. It's okay to be exhausted. It's okay to just rest today. Tomorrow is a new day, but for now you have permission to rest'. Self care can be hard but it does help. Even little things like cooking dinner for myself, or planning something to look forward to (even if it's just 'I'm going to watch a movie later') can really help me.
Hang in there, you're so strong!
