AMAA: Boundaries
We're excited to announce this month; two incredible guests will join us for another "Ask Me Almost Anything". Together we will be unpacking the topic of boundaries in relationships.
Personal boundaries are the rules and limits we decide are right for us.
They include things like:
- Saying no to catching up with a friend if you're not feeling up to it
- Sharing your pronouns with your family members
- Telling your partner what level of intimacy you are comfortable with
We all have different boundaries, and so do the people around us. But, of course, it's not always easy to navigate how to set boundaries, how to communicate them or what to do if you've crossed a boundary.
So, that is why we will be talking it out with our two guests:
Rashida is a Registered Psychologist in Sydney; Working in Private Practice and feeling honoured to work with the clients she does. With a special interest working with identity, culture and purpose.
A life-long love affair with wanting to understand people, their lives, experiences and worlds, and how it all intertwines and shows up in the way we behave led her down a path of traveling and living all over the world whilst studying Psychology. Passionate about advocating for destigmatizing mental illness and creating a more holistic approach to mental well-being.
Also a lover of nature, art, music, chai and sleep - all the great things in life
Akhil is a junior doctor and has a long-term relationship with ReachOut Australia as he joined the organisation as a youth ambassador in 2013 and went on to work as a research intern.
Akhil strongly believes in the equity of access to health information and services, and enjoys using data-driven approaches to help reach that goal. He is passionate about the not-for-profit sector, having founded his own mental health service for university students and worked at several other not-for-profit organisations dedicated to health improvement.
He loves playing tennis and doing pottery.
Get your questions in and we will be answering them LIVE on the 21st of July between 7pm - 9pm
Can't wait to see you all there!
Absolutely!! When I start to feel resentful towards a person/situation it's usually because I haven't been upholding my boundaries (not always) but most of the time 😅
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @WheresMySquishy Yes! Boundaries are usually very difficult to set for people who are used to a more passive style of communication or who have difficulties asserting themselves. If you're used to people pleasing or self-sacrificing behaviour (putting others in front of yourself) Putting in place a boundary can feel selfish, we can worry about whether it is the right move, we can worry about how the other person will react. This can all lead to us continuing to feel resentful or unhappy/ frustrated.
That's when we want to take a step back and re-assess.
So true! It can be so confusing when you are trying to do the right thing by yourself and end up feeling guilty/selfish.
It takes practice to feel comfy to set boundaries!
I love this question because I know I didn't realise how many different kinds of boundaries there are to consider.
What are the different kinds of boundaries?
I think the different kinds of boundaries are determined by the situation or relationships they are created within. e.g a boundary you may assert in a romantic relationship, may be very different to a boundary you put in place in the work place or within your family.
I think that is true @GuestPsychologist1. One of my colleagues was saying how they didn't like when their family hugged them, but they didn't mind giving hugs to friends for example. Boundaries can be determined by a lot of different factors.
@WheresMySquishy Exactly right. Boundaries are not concrete, and can look different from person to person.
You may have boundaries you put in place with only one member of your family or one friend out of a friendship group due to certain factors.
And boundaries can entail a lot of things; emotional, physical, time and more 🙂
I really love that point @WheresMySquishy! In my experience, I have had some people point this out to me.. e.g. 'Oh you do XYZ with them but not with me'.. and it is such a good example of boundaries being different for each individual relationship. Your boundaries don't have to apply widely if you don't want them to 😀
We're super lucky to have Rashida & Akhil with us tonight.
@GuestPsychologist1 & @Akhil-RO thank you so much for making the time this evening to chat about boundaries with us all.
We are going to get into our first question for the night!
What are boundaries?
I agree that having boundaries can be good for our health. I try to think of boundaries as a form of self-care.
I speak about this a lot with clients, and remind myself of this too. Self-care 101.
What are boundaries -
well by definition, a boundary is anything that marks a limit. Psychological limits define personal dignity. When we say, “You just crossed a line,” we are speaking about a psychological limit that marks the distinction between behaviour that does not cause emotional harm and behaviour that causes emotional harm.
Boundaries, are conscious and healthy ways to protect ourselves from emotional and occasionally physical harm or distress.
Can boundaries ever be detrimental to our wellbeing? 🤔 What if we have too many boundaries for instance?
You always ask interesting questions @Lost_Space_Explorer5 - I'd be keen to hear what @Akhil-RO and @GuestPsychologist1 think!
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 hmm this is a really interesting question.
I think at times we can put in place what we think are boundaries but it may be linked to something deeper such as a need for control.
This is when it can become unhealthy, as we all know there are certain aspects of life that are out of our control.
@GuestPsychologist1 Mm yeah that makes sense! So they might look like boundaries but they aren't? Or they're like boundaries taken to a level that hurts the individual?
I think the trick is to have healthy boundaries - this may take some time and adjustment. I can imagine it's common that some people may set quite rigid boundaries as a way to protect themselves.
Good question @Lost_Space_Explorer5! Due to some things I have been through in the past, I have a lot of boundaries and some people haven't understood that, so it's resulted in some conflict in some of my relationships.
Good on you for trusting your choices! It's not always easy to set boundaries and people around us don't always like it when we do.
@WheresMySquishy @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @Bre-RO2 Thanks for your honesty @WheresMySquishy - If we are asserting a boundary within a relationship it can be really difficult due to the reaction we may receive from the person on the receiving end. This can be one of the hardest parts of maintaing a boundary, it takes practice and may not feel great after we put it in place. However the benefits are often felt in the long-term.
