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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:15 PM
(adding to this) -- I think one of the first people I came out to was also gay, but they were rude to me because I hadn't always known ahah. So, there's things like that for example.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:18 PM
oh my god that's horrible @Hozzles 😢 I'm kind of afraid of something like that happening to me because I was pretty adament to a lot of people that I was straight 😅 ughh
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:21 PM
This was huge for me when I came out. I worried so much because people really wouldn't have thought I am gay. So I felt like I was bursting their perception of me 😅 which I was and it made me feel super awkward and weird.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:18 PM
Yep I have experienced this too. Or if you don't "look gay". It can be really disheartening to have that experience.
It doesn't happen overnight but in time the most important persons opinion on your identity is your own. It took me awhile to stop caring about whether people thought I looked too girly to be gay but it happened and it doesn't matter to me anymore.
Also, finding your people. The ones who support you no matter what make a huge difference
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:26 PM
It's really weird and annoying how people think they can judge someone's sexuality based on appearance. I once mentioned thinking about cutting my hair short and got the opposite of "you don't look gay", with them telling me that it is too much of a stereotype and that I'd look TOO gay.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:28 PM
Oh yeah, I remember when I was younger (before I came out to myself lol) I literally told the hair dresser once 'I want short hair, but don't make me look like a lesbian'. It's so bad!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:31 PM
Haha that's funny because apparently years before she had come out to herself or anything, my girlfriend's younger sister told her she dressed like a lesbian. 😂
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:25 PM
This!! Hahah, even still sometimes I feel bad for not adhering to every single Tiktok stereotype... but all it is really is who you love! It's not one-size-fits-all, and it doesn't have to look a certain way! Definitely, as with everything... go with what makes sense to you!!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:15 PM
I'm so glad someone said this. It is sad but a reality. I think having a combo of someone you know is part of the community/ally - and someone who is respectful, caring and open minded.
Looove the teaser questions as well.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:13 PM
Ugh @Hozzles that's so true, there is a lot of gatekeeping and discrimination 😞
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:07 PM
It feels unsafe for me to come out. What do I do?
This is a really tricky situation to be in. Coming out should be a personal decision, and if you want to come out but aren't sure how people would react, I would weigh up the pros and cons.
There are also lots of places where you can get support. There are some resources on Ask Izzy.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:56 PM
It feels unsafe for me to come out. What do I do?
You don't have to come out to anyone if you don't want to! If you're only out to a few people you really trust (even if they're online), than that's completely valid! Again, we are really lucky to live in a country that has a lot of rights/ equality in place.
As with any unsafe situation, make sure you are maintaining a support network and have a plan in place to take care of yourself in case of emergency. You're not alone! ❤️
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:04 PM
Agree with this - so important to maintain a support network in case of an emergency.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:47 PM
When do you know you're ready to come out?
I think I've told this story a lot before, but I was pretty much forced to come out. I just broke up with my ex and my mum wanted to know why I was so upset and suddenly not speaking to my 'friend' anymore. So yeah... probably not like that, haha.
Maybe once you spend time with community and knowing someone has your back if worst comes to worst. I know, a bit of a negative thought... but safety is very important!
But yes, echoing everyone else... whenever it feels right!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:25 PM
Very tricky @Hozzles! It makes it difficult if others are pushing for answers or not aware that it might be a sensitive topic or something that you don't want to talk about. I am sorry you had to experience that 😔 I agree about having someone who has your back - it would be nice to have that person if things don't go as expected!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:42 PM
When do you know you're ready to come out?
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:46 PM
In other words I don't know! I think it's when and if you want to?
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:48 PM
Perfect answer!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:42 PM
When do you know you're ready to come out?
Only you can decide when you're ready to come out. It can depend on lots of factors, but I think that the most important thing is to not feel as though you're being pressured or influenced too much by other people.
We can't control how other people would react, but we can prepare for different possibilities in our heads.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:47 PM
So true. I think it's the moment you feel ready to face whatever happens after coming out. For me it was when I developed feelings for someone and wanted to have a relationship. Everyone has a different moment where they feel the need to do it - some people never feel the need to "come out" and that is also totally okay.
There's a term I LOVE which is - inviting in. You can choose the people you feel comfortable with knowing and keep it at that
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:59 PM
Hahah, that's so right. Apart from telling my mum about my ex, I've never explicitly just told anyone 'I'm gay' or anything. I just subtly make it come across in my words/ actions etc hahah. Much easier this way, but it's still a shock if someone asks me!
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:31 PM
I haven't come out to my family and tbh I'm still confused- but to those I've talked to about it, the best thing is kind of getting a better understanding of myself?
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:34 PM
I feel like I'm still confused because a lot of things have been getting in the way of me even considering my sexuality 😂😢 (e.g. mental health (especially ocd and depression), isolating myself, internalised views from my upbringing, pain, the list goes onnn). I have no idea how to figure this stuff out with all that going on 😬
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:41 PM
I feel you @Lost_Space_Explorer5... I am sorry that you have a lot that is getting in the way 
I don't even have any barriers really and I am still unsure. I think the idea of labels freak me out so I just describe how I feel (if I want to) rather than use a label.
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originally posted on 30-06-2021 7:51 PM
Yeah the labels are really confusing like a lot of people don't feel they fit so easily in a box @Taylor-RO! And that makes sense!
