Giving up on my dreams

[Bento]

Last year I decided I wanted to study at a game design college because I wanted to make my own games. I have an idea for a game and I was really excited about all the possibilities. Unfortunately the first and currently only course I did ended up not being right for me, because I didn’t pass due to finding some of the work too hard to finish. I didn’t even know I hadn’t submitted that work. It came as a genuine shock to find out I didn’t submit everything, because there was so much sh** I had to do that some things just got lost in all the chaos. I have a few days left to finish that work and pass, but I don’t know how to do any of it by myself.

I read the Reach Out article on coping with failing a course, but it’s not that easy for me. Because if I don’t pass this course, I can’t get concession costs at any more courses there, and the normal fees are so expensive we could never afford them. I want to do a course in art and animation because drawing is my passion, but everyone is talking me out of it. The staff at the college said I wouldn’t like to be in a classroom because I’ve demonstrated that I don’t cope well in classroom environments; I’m extremely socially awkward and at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, so I probably wouldn’t fit in there just like I don’t fit in anywhere else I’ve been. And now my family’s saying I wouldn’t like the online course because it would be too hard for me to do it all by myself. It’s always been like this for me, every single time there’s a course or hobby or whatever I want to do people around me talk me out of it by telling me I wouldn’t cope, until ultimately all my options are crossed out. So now it’s looking like I’m gonna have to give up my dream of making games because everyone’s telling me I can’t do it. I’m so fu**ing sick of getting my hopes up for things only to have my dreams crushed. While other people out there have beautiful perfect lives with dream jobs, wonderful friends and no problems ever, I’m here having accomplished nothing in the 20 years of my sad existence. Even the things I can do like drawing and writing I’m terrible at compared to people who are just naturally better than I ever will be. If this keeps up, one day I’ll have no choice but to abandon all my hobbies and dreams, and along with them, my future. Sometimes I think I just don’t belong in this world full of negativity and cynicism.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Bento,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling supported to pursue your dreams. It sounds like studying game design is something you are really passionate about, and I can imagine it would have been such a shock to hear that some of the assessments were missed

You have mentioned a few different studying options and units you are interested in. Just wanting to clarify, at the moment is it the lack of support and concerns from others that has led to questioning your choice to study?

The feeling of disappointment and heartbreak that comes with others not supporting your dreams is really tough to carry. Can you tell us a little bit more about the people in your life? Of those you speak to, is there someone who is more supportive than others?

So many members here can relate to feeling uncertain with what the future will hold, and the stress and courage of chasing their dreams. You are not alone, and we are here to listen and support you whenever you need a non-judgmental and open space to share your thoughts and dreams  

[WheresMySquishy]

@Bento  That sounds really heartbreaking. It must have been so disheartening to fail that course. It must have also been really devastating to be discouraged from following your dreams.

I am also introverted and socially awkward. I was told that I wouldn't do well in academic work and that it would be difficult for me to find any kind of position. But I ended up doing really well in uni and got accepted for a lot of internships and volunteering opportunities based on my experience and interview performance. I think it's important to remember that people's opinions are just opinions and not facts, and no one can predict the future. If game design is what you really want to do, you will find a way to do it.

It could be that the college you studied at just isn't very supportive or right for you. Does it have any supports in place for students who need academic assistance, guidance or mentoring? Are there any other places you could study at? If you feel that one place is not working out for you, you can always find another place to study.

I can totally understand the feeling of being stuck and not being able to accomplish much in life. It's currently hard for me to get a job or leave the house much because I am caring for some of my family members. I found it helpful to tell myself that this situation is not forever. It's never too late to follow your passion and do what you want to do. People all of all ages can feel as though they are 'stuck', but you can get 'unstuck' at any time. Perhaps you can use this time to focus on your hobbies, volunteer, learn a new skill, treat yourself to something or think about your goals for the future.

[Bento]

First of all, I should make it clear it's not that my family is unsupportive of me, because they are. They support my interests such as drawing and are trying to help me get work and stuff. They were fine with me pursuing these courses and helped me enrol. It's just that when I become faced with any obstacle in my way and push comes to shove, that's when the arguments arise. What makes failing the course more frustrating for me is that the stuff I failed was in theory the easy stuff, but it was what I struggled with the most. And it's skills I'll never need to use, like creating a web page from scratch using code and not any template sites like GoDaddy or Wordpress, even though there's no reason you would ever not use one of those sites in this day and age. I'm a slow learner, I struggle to mentally process all the information they were telling me. I had to ask for help from the teacher more than anyone else in the class, and I couldn't have any teacher aids to sit by and assist me. It's obvious that I have extra difficulty with learning and need extra support, but they just couldn't provide it for me. And even though I know there are other gaming colleges around, getting into one is probably gonna be such a pain in itself I won't be able to do it.

Sent from my iPhone

[Bento]

Thank you. However I should mention that my family is not at all unsupportive of my dreams. They've been very supportive over the years and want to see me improve myself and do what makes me happy. I just have disagreements with my family at times. However it looks like now I've been given an extension to finish the work and now I have plenty of time to do it. So things look more optimistic now. I hope that next year I can return to do the course I want. The place I've gone to has a big reputation and they are very understanding of me; apparently 50% of people don't pass the course I did, and they told me not to be hard on myself. So don't worry too much for me; I'm sorting things out right now and my family's got my back. I would also like to work on being a more social person who can hang out with friends, speak up with more confidence and be more positive.

Sent from my iPhone

[Maddy-RO]

Hey @Bento 

We're super happy to hear that things are on the way up for you. It's good that you spoke up and received the support you need, and that your family and tafe/university are being supportive. 

You mentioned you want to work towards being more social and confident. Feel free to check out some of our articles on how to build confidence here. 

[WheresMySquishy]

@Bento  I'm glad that things are working out for you! It's great that the place is understanding. Well done on having some goals!

[Bento]

Thanks, but I also wanted to bring up the other things I briefly mentioned. At the end of my first post I said I don't feel like I belong in such a cynical society. I want to stress that more; these last few years I've watched society around me tear itself apart and break my spirit. In the past I posted about how I sometimes feel ashamed to be Australian, and I owe it to the extreme negativity of our society turning Australia into a toxic wasteland full of hate. I think the reason I have social anxiety is because I'm surrounded by cynical people who bring me down. Nobody's trying to do anything about this toxic attitude, we just make each other think it's okay to be like this while we dig ourselves deeper into the abyss.

Sent from my iPhone

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Bento, 

It's good to hear that you're feeling more confident with handling your gaming course, and talking with your school to see how they can better understand and accommodate you in the future  

I'm sorry that you are still feeling frustrated with the cynicism of others, and how you've felt that it's ongoing negativity has made you disappointed and somewhat ashamed of Australia. I want to reassure you that it is natural to feel disheartened when seeing the negative ways humans can interact with each other. Unfortunately however, often this effect can occur in reverse as well. 

When we are feeling down, or in a low mood - like how you explained you were feeling in your first post - it can be easy to find yourself focusing on the worst and most negative aspects of the world around you. In the same way that a good mood can give you "rose-tinted glasses", a bad mood can give you "grey-tinted glasses". Because your brain is temporarily fixated on these more negative aspects, you can easily forget to see the better side of the world and what it has to offer. 

Sometimes the best antidote to these grey tinted glasses, is to make note of all the good things that you see happen around you. Maybe you saw someone help another, or had a stranger smile at you. You can even be the one making the positive impact! It can often make you feel better to give someone a compliment with no ulterior motive except to brighten their day, or alternatively you could spend sometime volunteering for a charity or association who share your values (The ASRC for example is an organisation which is doing a lot to  help reduce some of the negative rhetoric happening in society). Anytime you see or do something that is kind or positive you could write it down, that way when you're feeling disappointed with the state of society you can go over your list and see that there are some people who really are doing their best to make this world a better place

[Bento]

Yeah, I try and do that sometimes. It puts me in a good mood when I go to a store, cafe etc. and the people who serve me are really nice, or when I’m in an environment where I feel I can be myself, such as at an anime convention or on independent radio. I just worry that kind acts can feel like a thankless job, because lots of people can invalidate any positivity and shoot down other people’s optimism, and then they make us get brought down by them. This is especially common on places like Facebook and Twitter, which have mutated into a toxic wasteland that’s contributed greatly to the negative attitude of our society. I just know there’s gonna be people calling 2019 the worst year ever, and if they want to believe that then it will be.

Sent from my iPod