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(possible TW) my parents made fun of me for eating a lot in one sitting

my parents and i went to the movies tonight for spontaneous fun after lockdown and they got me a bag of lollies and at the end of the movie they asked to see the bag and found it really funny when they saw i ate the majority of it. it was a really terrible feeling and basically ruined the night for me. on the way back they tried to assure me they were just 'shocked that i could eat that much' and it really wasn't a lot and what they said to try to fix it made me feel even worse. 

i have gotten this from my parents multiple times before as has my sister - they usually make fun of us or subtly shame us when we eat a lot of snack food - for example if we eat a whole bag of chips or something like that. i rarely feel ashamed or guilty for indulging in junk food from time to time but my parents' humour which really feels like pure shaming at this point might start to change that and i really don't want it to 😞 i had a good cry so the anger has calmed down a little bit but now i just feel sad and gross.

 

My parents also make 'funny' comments that i need to eat more so it's just really frustrating and confusing. no one should make fun of anyone's body or eating habits. i'm lucky i dont have any real body image issues or eating disorders but these kinds of comments can have a huge effect on someone. 

priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 31-07-2021 09:34 PM

Comments

 
celestialdreamer
celestialdreamerPosted 03-08-2021 06:15 PM

hey @priyaaaa I definitely agree, no one should make fun or comment on how much another person is eating. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I saw that you had a bit of a chat to your mum about it and that she kinda brushed you off, maybe you could sit down with both your parents and explain to them how serious this is for you and that it's really affecting you. Would you ever consider speaking to someone as a family, just to have someone facilitate the conversation or even talking to your sister about what she thinks about the situation?

 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 03-08-2021 10:01 PM

hey! i'm really not sure how i should approach it when these things happen. these comments really don't happen a lot and i do have faith that my parents don't make these comments with the intention of hurting me but maybe next time i feel really hurt i might try to seriously talk to them about it. 

 
 
 
celestialdreamer
celestialdreamerPosted 08-08-2021 07:33 PM

@priyaaaa@priyaaaa no of course, these kind of situations can be really tricky, sometimes our family members joke about something that we're actually really sensitive about and not know that it has hurt our feelings. I think talking to them next time could be really helpful, and it also makes sure you're all on the same page about how you're feeling. I hope you're going okay ❤️

 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 03-08-2021 11:10 PM

Hi @priyaaaa I'm sorry to hear that you have received these kinds of comments, especially from your parents. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it, next time they make a hurtful comment?

 

We are always here for you 💜

 
 
 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 03-08-2021 11:52 PM

hi, thank you for your support! i definitely will consider trying to have a serious conversation with them the next time it's really hurtful. it's hard not to take the easy route and brush it off and reassure myself that they're just trying to be funny and i won't be living with them forever, but i do think that conversation is worth it

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 04-08-2021 01:36 PM

Hi @priyaaaa , I hope you don't mind me jumping in here! I don't think we've chatted before- it sounds like you've been dealing with heaps at home, and I really admire the strength you're showing here - I also had family who would say really unhelpful/ triggering stuff about food and eating when I was a teen, and I know how tough that can be. 

 

I'm actually a parent myself now, and I try and remember those lessons... we're always here for support. Sometimes when we're having those tough conversations, it can be helpful to practice them first- either in your head, or with a trusted friend. Do you think that could be something that could work for you? 

 
 
 
 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 08-08-2021 10:51 AM

thanks for your support! i definitely have something rehearsed that i'll consider saying to them next time they say something hurtful. maybe in that moment it'll be hard to fight the urge to brush it off, but i'll try not to

 
 
 
 
 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 08-08-2021 04:06 PM

That sounds like a good strategy @priyaaaa, it’s good to hear that you have something prepared already. I hope that you find it to be helpful 😊.

 
Sophia-RO
Sophia-ROPosted 01-08-2021 09:44 AM

Hey @priyaaaa , I'm sorry to hear about what happened last night. I can understand why you were feeling upset, those kind of comments can be really hurtful! It is great to see the support that LSE5 gave last night 💜. It's great that you are wanting to see a professional for support, would you be interested in reaching out to Kids Helpline for support as LSE5 suggested? How are you you feeling today?

 

Also, just wanted to let you know that I have had to edit some parts of your post to fit in with our community guidelines 😊.

 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 01-08-2021 01:53 PM

hi, i checked out the kids helpline website and i might try out the web chat option some time

 
 
 
Matt-RO
Matt-ROPosted 01-08-2021 03:46 PM

Hi @priyaaaa,

 

That's excellent! I am really glad to hear to you might check out web chat sometime. I hope you find them helpful and supportive 🙂

 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 31-07-2021 10:56 PM

Hey @priyaaaa I'm really sorry your parents shamed you like that, that's not okay. My parents have said stuff like that in the past, it led me to feel bad about myself, it's so sad this kind of thing happens so often 😞 It's normal to treat yourself at movies and as you said no one should make fun of bodies or eating. Really how much you eat shouldn't be such a big deal as society portrays (unless it's causing the person themselves distress or it is hurting them like in the case of EDs). Have you been able to talk to your parents about how language around bodies and eating can be really damaging to people? I know you said they were trying to fix things so I imagine you said something?

 

That would be really confusing wow- there are so many conflicting messages out there and to be getting them from your own family... 😞

 

I'm sorry you're feeling sad and gross.. You're not gross and you shouldn't feel bad for eating 😞 There aren't any like bad and good foods, it's more about balance I think? Like eating 'healthy' foods all the time can actually be harmful. Anyway it sounds like you've got an okay relationship with food for the most part so you know this? But it would be really hard when your folks say this stuff..

 

Is there anything we can do to help atm? Would going on a helpline like the butterfly foundation or kidshelpline or something like that be at all helpful?

 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 31-07-2021 11:22 PM

thanks for your reply, yeah i did mention to my mum that i'm surprised i don't have any 'problems' (body image issues, eating disorder etc) because of these comments and 'jokes', and she apologised but kind of brushed it off by saying that they're just joking.

totally agree with everything you're saying, people's eating habits should never be someone's punchline.

Spoiler
it feels like the only way these comments can be stopped is not snacking as often or avoiding eating the last of something but sometimes when i decline them offering me food they say in a joking way 'she's watching her figure' which i don't find funny either

😕

i for the most part like using this platform but it would be good to somehow chat with someone in real time via messages/dms etc but i especially think i would benefit from therapy overall because i'm not really feeling great about my life in general, but i don't have the money for it and don't want my family to know. but when big stuff like this comes up it's frustrating becuase i have limited support systems - i don't really want to talk about this with my family any further and i posted my feelings about what happened so my friends could see it and none of them have reached out. 

 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 31-07-2021 11:56 PM

That would have been so invalidating to hear from your mum 😞 Perhaps she wanted to avoid the seriousness of it by writing it off as 'joking'? I'm not sure.. Have you asked your parents about where they've gotten these ideas about eating from? Perhaps it could help them question what society has told them? I don't know sorry, but at some point there is only so much we can do when talking to our parents and it's not your job to fix their views.. If they keep saying stuff like this do you think it would be more helpful to get out of the conversation e.g. by saying you can't talk about this and walking away or is that not really possible?

 

Yeah that's not funny either. I'm sorry you feel like you have to avoid eating as much to stop these comments 😞

 

I'm sorry you don't have the money for therapy and feel you can't ask your family about it. I know kidshelpline has got the option to have 'regular' counselling where you can talk to the same counsellor every week-  that's the closest free option to therapy I can think of! Would you be open to trying something like that? I've got a counsellor I speak to regularly on KHL and it's been helpful to me but it's up to you of course!

 

I'm sorry your friends didn't reach out, that would have sucked 😞

 
 
 
 
priyaaaa
priyaaaaPosted 01-08-2021 01:51 PM

i would assume my parents are just projecting their own insecurities and carrying on their generational trauma because they were probably subjected to something similar when they were young. i guess what reassures me is that i'm not going to live with my family forever and can hopefully be independent as soon as possibily since i just became an adult and is finishing school soon. 

yeah i would be open to trying something like that! i had a look at the webchat option on kids helpline and it seems like a good thing to try out. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 01-08-2021 03:05 PM

Hey @priyaaaa it sounds like you have a lot of insight and compassion for your parents despite them saying such hurtful things ❤️ That's right, you won't have to live with them forever. And cool! Let us know how chatting to someone goes (if you want!) 🙂

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