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Psych
Hey guys,
So today had my first psych apt, and it'd didn't go so well. I was in a panic attack from the start and found it incredibly hard to come out of that, and actually talk. I just shook the whole way through. I also spent most of the time looking at the ground instead of her. With a crook neck lol.
She wants me to get some blood tests done, and was kinda surprised the gp didn't do any. She also talked a bit about medication. I'm scared about all this. I see her next Monday
I'm wondering how others found their first apt with a psych/counsellor.
1. Did you have trouble opening up? If so how did you manage that?
2. What did you do before/ater apts to look after yourself?
Hey @Bee
Great job in taking such a huge step forward and having your second appointment too! I found it quite difficult to open up at first but I became more open after a few sessions. It sounds like you're already starting to find it easier too which is good to hear. it's also wonderful to hear that she's helping you find out the kind of support you can access through TAFE.
Feel free to keep us updated on how you go 🙂
I am so happy that you've had your first appointment!! Very well done!
I get that the appointment didn't go the way you wanted it to, but I want you to know that your reaction was completely fine and normal. I'm sure she's really used to people being in similar states on first appointments.
Several of my psychologists have told me about how they're actually more used to people coming in who then don't talk for the session, or barely talk. So please don't feel embarrassed about it or anything, it's fine.
Perhaps bringing up worries about medication would be a good way to start talking a bit more? Since it's a topic that's already on the table. It's certainly a thing to consider and a worthwhile thing to ask questions about until you're comfortable with a decision to take not take it.
Blood tests can be scary. Make sure you drink a lot of water on that day - it will help a lot.
Hey @Bee, well done on going to your first appointment! Taking the first step towards getting help is often the hardest part and we're all so proud of you for taking that step.
On your point about opening up, it's totally normal to have some issues. While a big part of the counselling process is opening up and learning to express how you feel to them, it's important to remember that it might take a little bit of time before you feel comfortable enough to be really open. You're still in the stage of getting to know one another, so don't be too hard on yourself that it's not happening right away.
On your second question, first of all I'm really glad that you've been thinking about what self care you can practice. It shows a lot of self awareness that you've considered it. Everyone's self care is a bit different so what others do might not be what's best for you, but personally I find putting on something cosy, have a warm drink and putting on something light/funny on the TV really helps when I've had a tough experience in counselling. Maybe you could have a look at the survival kit thread for some self care inspiration?
Remember that this is a process, so be kind to yourself while you go through it 🙂
I can't really remember my first appointment but I don't have the same troubles with talking about my problems. Sorry that I can't be of much help there.
To answer your other question (the first one) I think that people find it easier to put themselves down because it is just that, easier. When you build yourself up, it can seem like a lot of work. You have to think about what you're good at, positive things(which you are amazing at, by the way) and putting yourself down is simpler.
Choosing sleep is definitely an alright choice, it's important to stay rested because a lack of sleep can sometimes make things worse.
You've got this @Bee because you are definitely so brave and we are all proud of you.
What did you think about her - do you feel like you could eventually connect with her?
Hey @Bee,
You took such a big step forward today! Your first appointment with a Counsellor! You were brave, and you went through with it, even though it felt so scary. Well done.
It sounds like it was a really tough hour for you, but it's so great that you stayed, and that the counsellor was trying to help you feel calmer. I think it is a positive sign that you'll both be able to work together in future sessions. If she'd been pushing or didn't understand how anxious you were feeling, that would be a good sign that she wasn't the right counsellor for you!
One of the things that helped me when I first started seeing my counsellor was making a list of the things I wanted to talk to her about. Somehow, by making the list, I was kind of making a promise to myself that I WOULD bring up those things with her, if that makes sense. So, just by writing it I'd already committed to telling her, so the hard bit was already done. That might not make a lot of sense, but that's kind of how it felt!
That said, there were a couple of things that I didn't tell her about for a long time - because I wasn't ready. You can only really go at the pace you're comfortable at - so it's ok that you were really anxious on your first visit. You'll get more comfortable with her as you get to know each other. And as your work together to overcome some challenges, that will make it easier for you to talk about and start working on other ones.
Well done on being so brave today!
blithe
I don't really know where to go from here. I've got two tasks she wants me to do each day, and I've said I will. I've done one today. But I just don't know where to turn now. I'm just feeling so numb. Still so anxious. I'm shaking and have no clue why.
That makes sense. I was going to write about things I needed to share, but I never felt ok enough to do so, and only remembered late last night, and decided sleep was more important. I even forgot my journal which I was going to shove in my bag...
Why does it feel so much easier to put myself down than build myself up?
How did you know when the best time was to share those things? Was it because of your relationship with the counsellor, or something inside you?
Good for you! I'm proud of you!
Don't worry about having a panic attack all session. It's happened to me
If I'm struggling to open up, I draw or write down what I want to say and hand it to them. If that doesnt work, I start talking about random stuff till I feel comfortable enough to start talking about why I'm there. Sometimes I spent several sessions doing that till I could jump straight into dealing with the issue at the sart of the session. In terms of coping afterwards I need to go for a long walk and slowly ease my way back into things as it can feel quite disorienting to go straight from counselling to uni/work, which is why I book appointments after uni so I have the time to destress. Writing stuff down really helps too.
If you are ready to tell them something, you'll know. For me, it came down to the strength of the relationship. If I felt they didnt understand, I would wait until they had built enough of a relationship for me to feel comfortable revealing whatever it was. Sometimes you might not feel comfortable to reveal it for several sessions. Don't feel pressured by the time limit either. You are there for you and no one else. As for how to reveal it, that's up to you. Has she explained how you can contact her outside the sessions? Some make themselves available via email or phone, which may make it easier to reveal the issue. I find drawing, leavng a message or writing it down really helpful. You dont have to reveal it all in one session either. You can take as long as you need
As for building yourself up, the hardest part is believing in yourself enough to get help, which your doing. Self talk really helps. Try to remind yourself that you have just as much right to seek help as anyone else.
It may be hard to imagine now, but it does get easier with time 🙂
I hope that made sense. If not, let me know
Thank you everyone for replying, it really means a lot. I've had some time to think and clear my head a little. And I've managed to compose a letter to give her next week. Unfortunately I haven't been able to keep on track with those 2 tasks she gave me, but I can always try again tomorrow. I don't expect to move mountains over night. Like @Chessca_H said "It's a process"
I spoke with Eheadspace yesterday, and the clinician I've been working with will email me in 2 weeks, but said to email her if things get really hard with my apts with the psych. She wants me to move forward, but doesn't want to throw me intot he deep end without support. They've been good with that.
@Shadow that helps me feel a bit better about it all. she hasn't said how I can contact her outside of sessions, but I DO have her email and phone number.
@Sophie-RO that's what Eheadspace said, about it taking a while. The clinician I was working with there said it'd probably take me quite a few sessions to really feel comfortable talking about it. Given how I was when I started working with them.
I think I could eventually connect with her. She was so patient with me, but at the same time she was bluntly honest which I think will take a bit of adjusting to, but I should be right.
Thank you @N1ghtW1ng I think that was exactly what I needed to read!
@Chessca_H that's true, I guess I'm just comparing how I'm able to be so open with Eheadsapce yet, I closed off so much with the psych. I forgot the whole starting fresh thing.
I honestly didn't think about how different things work for different people. I'll definitely check out that thread. I don't think I have yet!
@Birdeye yeah I guess that's true. I just thought, I'd be able to be more calm but maybe not.. ohwell.
That's a good idea, but I'm not 100% sure what exactly I'm scared/worried about with medication. She said she was the person to ask if I had any questions, and said there'd be minimal side effects with how we'd go about it.. Somewhere along the line she mentioned something about seeing a psychiatrist via video-link, but that it would be fairly simple as it's done with the gp. (I was actually surprised to hear we don't have any psychiatrists locally!)
Yeah me and blood tests don't mix well. But her learning about that with me lightened the mood a little... But it's doable, as scared of them as I am, I can get through it.
So stoked for attending your first appointment @Bee! The first one is always the hardest, with fear of the unkown being a big factor. But you showed your strength and followed through!
It's also really inspiring to see how open and self aware you are. I think it will help other people who have been having similar feelings about speaking to someone for the first time.
Awesome to hear that Eheadspace have been a big help too. Having that other layer of support is important. They're such a great resource to go to for all different kinds of help.
Stay strong @Bee the hardest part is behind you now!
Thanks @moonwalk I've learnt that self-awareness from everyone here! It wouldn't be there if it weren't for these forums!! Especially some members from the old forums way back when & everyone here now & of course @Sophie-RO!!
I had my second apt today. I had to wait about 20min to see her as she was running late, which in turn I think made the apt shorter, but that's ok. Today was much better than last week. I've still got a long way to go in terms of really trusting and opening up, but in saying that I am able to work with her. I acualy managed to make eye contact today and hold it for short periods of time!! AND I managed to SPEAK! So I want to thank you all for sticking with me and all your encouagement and support. You've all played a huge role in helping me get here!
I walked out today feeling okay. She is actually understanding and listening to me, which I've not had anyone do in such a long time (face to face that is.) And despite a couple things I really struggled to explain or get out, she seemed to understand. And when I stumbled on my words trying to get it out, she didn't judge. She just waited for me, when I was ready. And on my own I was trying to calm myself and focus my attention so I could get it out. It all seems like stock standard stuff for a psychologist, but it's something I've not had in my life. Basic things like someone taking the time to really listen, being patient with me, and waiting until the resistence wears thin so I can talk.
From here there's a lot going on. The psych is going to contact my TAFE teacher and find out what support can be accessed, because she thinks I need it and it'd help me cope better. I'm kinda nervous about that, but the same time we've discussed it and I'm hapy for her to do so. From there, she will also write a letter to my gp asking for some blood tests and a script for medication. Which in all honesty, as scared as I am about it, I kinda knew that it would mount to it so quickly, just because of how I've felt internally for so long, because despite all my efforts, I never really feel like I get anywhere. But it's doable I guess. I'm trusting her judgement and knowledge to help me because I don't know how to get out of it myself...
But to re-answer @Sophie-RO's question, yes I can see myself connecting with her. She's got a good balance between serisousness and humor, which helps to break it up a little bit.
Hey @Bee! Sorry for the delayed reply. This was so awesome to read!
Already it seems like you're not only finding it easier, but also seeing how these appointments can help in different ways. I'm really proud of you for having the courage to speak! I know how hard it can be to start talking to someone you've only just met.
Support through TAFE is a really good thing to have too. Please keep us posted on how that evolves too. It's great to see that this is an option available, I'm sure a lot of people didn't know.
Keep striding forward @Bee! We'll all be here giving you support and encouragement!
I wasn't sure if I should post this here, or make a new thread, but it's still the same thing as the first post, so I guess I'll put it here..
I had another apt today, but I froze! I shut down entirely, and couldn't get anything out! I felt so stupid.
I didn't write things down the night before because I thought I'd be able to get through it. But I just couln't get anything out. I don't even understand. It was so hard to go back to the centre and pretend everything was fine. It was so hard to interact with the babies. I wanted to walk out and cry. 😞
I don't know where to go to from here. Why is it I get so lost in trying to find words when I see her, yet I can't even seem to write a leter an email or even a text to explain things? I'm questioning if it was all worth it..
Hey @Bee, I know that it can be really frustrating and upsetting to be in the position you're in but @moonwalk was right in saying that this is going to take a little bit of time. In the mean time, it's important that your psychologist gets to know a bit about what's going on for you in this process so they can tailor it to your needs the best they can. I like @N1ghtW1ng's idea in taking some of what you've said here and putting it into an email. Professionals working in mental health are used to getting feedback about their work, so there's no need to feel self conscious about telling them about some of your concerns.
It was good to be able to email it through and just get it out without having to try and juggle my words - I could reword things as often as I needed. - Which is something I do often when tying to explain this. (I think I've already reworded this about 5 times!) Which is why I find text a lot easier, I can see my words and re-read them, that's harder to do verbally.
But we're trying to find a middle ground which suits us both. And I think having her say that I needed to think about HOW I could communicate things with her, even if it was via a text , helped a lot in being able to write and send that email.
@Bee I'm really proud of your for taking that step to email your psych! I know last week you were worried about not being able to communicate with her in your session. It's so great to see that your psych is cool with you emailing her as well as coming up with a middle ground which suits you both.
It sounds like you're already making solid progress @Bee! I'm so stoked for you.
@moonwalk
My psych apt went well today. For starters I WAS ABLE TO TALK TO HER!!! (apart from the little voice I have!) And on top of that I was actually looking at her (as opposed to the ground!)
The session was really slow paced, which is good as it gave me plenty of time to process everything. And I managed to laugh at things!
It's going to be one very slow process, but we're getting on track now, and I feel like I'm starting to build a little bit of trust with her (trust isn't the right word, but I'm on the way to start building that trust...)
I think being able to email/text her helped me to feel more comfortable in being able to start talking to her! It gives me that other avenue to keep communication open, and to convey things that are harder to say...
I want to thank everyone here again. You've all helped me so much and encouraged me to continue even when I feel at my worst. It really means a lot to me to be apart of such an amazing community! 🙂
Yes @Bee!!! Reading your last post put the biggest smile on my face! I'm so happy for you!
Being able to email and text her is great, and I'm glad to hear you're utilising it so much.
We're so glad you're a part of this community too, Bee. We're all so proud of you!
Go Bee! Simple things like eye contact and talking can be really hard, so well done! : As time goes by, it'll get easier. Some sessions are tough, but keep communicating and If the anxiety gets to much- just breathe....