[CHAT] Families!
Families are a funny bunch.
But funnily enough, they also come in many shapes and sizes. Your parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, step- and half-relatives, friends, pets, co-workers, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, massive, small, party of oneā¦the list really does go on forever!
The idea of family can mean different things to different people, so itās not the same for everyone. Family does not necessarily mean just your blood ties (people that youāre related to) Thereās not just one kind of family or one āidealā or a āconventionalā view on what that may be. Besides, whatās conventional anyway? š So itās important to acknowledge and respect that families span, far and wide.
Whether this is having people you are close to who care about you, and have your back during tough times, itās also about recognising that youād reciprocate that too. Families have many ways in showing love and compassion for each other in whimsical ways. From buying family blocks of chocolate together, going out and spending time with each other, to signing up for an IKEA Family card or joking around, the joys of chilling out with the fambam is invaluable. However, even if you may consider some people as āfamilyā, it doesnāt mean that they should be feel entitled to favours or respect when theyāre being a d-bag about everything.
It does come to a point where thereās a fine line to draw when helping family out and blood ties are not necessarily the strongest kind of relationship. Helping someone out with a big move, lending money, doing errands, and tasks that may be seen as small things do build up in the end. For those in the know, you may have heard the tutt-tutts and the headshakes when you point out the double-standards or you decide to say ānoā to carrying out familial tasks.
You might have heard:
Yes, truly and surely ā it can be easy to shrug it off and initially feel reluctant to put your foot down. But this kind of behaviour can be problematic and itās important for you and everyone to recognise that. Itās even more important to do some self-care in the process and set some boundaries too. So how do we avoid this, and moreso, how do we deal with it when it becomes worse?
Chat to someone like a counsellor, psychologist, or a social worker, a trusted person outside of the family sphere, or a friend for advice and see how to go about it. Family isnāt exempt from bad behaviour blues and avoiding responsibilities!
But despite this, it doesnāt mean that this canāt improve either! Being a part of a family offers support unlike any other group of people that you may have encountered. Even if it is eating family blocks of chocolate together š
***Whether you have an awesome or not-so-awesome family, looking for advice to help out a friend dealing with their fam, or reluctant to tell your rellies that theyāve gone too far - we want to hear from you! Join us to chat about helping out your friends on Monday 11 May at 8pm, AEST! We'll be talking about how families come in all shapes and sizes!****
Goodnight all!! Thanks for coming out, and thanks to @Myvo as well for co-facilitating!!
@puppies welcome!! Definitely agree with checking up on people, they might not say immediately if they need support. You've actually caught us at the end of the session!! But we do have other threads going, why not intro yourself here? (I know it's May technically but its still fun lol)
@Myvo for sure!! It matters more to the other person that you are making an effort to be there
How would you help a friend who was going through difficult times with their family?
I think one of the most important ways you can help is one that is pretty general - just be there for them! If they need to vent or rant or cry or just have someone to sound off on, being there can be a huge help. Also for families that are going through a loss or bereavement its useful to maybe distract your friend or even bring a meal for their family. It doesn't seem like much but it can go a long way
@safari93 It really can be anything, big or small - it's all about lending a helping hand š
Alrighty! That's a wrap, people! š
Here's a summary of tonight's chat:
How to: Family
Family come in so many different forms, from blood relations to trusty pals. Many of us think of our immediate family as our parents and siblings. But our friends are also a āfamilyā on its own too! Thereās a difference between your family and your friends, in terms of support and closeness. They both offer different kinds of support - there may be one or the other that we would prefer. Even if weāre away for awhile, itās good to catch up on what everyoneās been up to! The people in your family can be from anywhere, far and wide. Family involves people who you love and who want to be around for you, but also have a great bond.
We are family!
A network of people who mutually support each other and show love to one another ā blood or not ā is what we think a family is. Having a great, close bond with trust is essential to being a part of a family. There may be some blood relatives that you might be closer to than others, and thatās ok!
Close-knit family love
There are so many ways to show that you love and care about your family. Itās all about the small things ā like making food, helping around the house, cleaning up, buying something meaningful or just spoiling them. This also includes just being there when problems arise, and of course, when the good times roll. Itās important to ensure those around you that youāre there, whenever they need you. Hugs, kisses, keeping in contact and all the lovely things about being comfy with your fam also works too. Being a good listener is invaluable too ā so donāt forget your ears and to tune in!
Family fun
Lending some money as a gift or during some tough times, receiving gifts, and visiting them to have fun are some fun, nice things that family have done for or with us. Thereās also dropping someone off at school, helping out on an assignment, and paying for dinner too!
Defying family (or gravity!)
Sometimes, family members donāt do the nicest things for us or with us. Being compared to others, and being generally controlling over where you go in life seem to be key events that many of us have experienced. A clash or a disagreement on values, beliefs and aspirations can also be difficult to deal with too.
Dealing with difficulties
Have the courage to speak out! Thatās incredibly important, as your fam may be unaware that what theyāre been doing isnāt right. Sometimes, their actions die out over time whereas others might be persisting. Itās good to start out with being honest and enacting on problem-solving actions.
Family feuds
Families will go through tough times, like fights or a shared experience - which is tough on everyone. It can be āpush comes to shoveā at times, when youāre trying to sort it out but people arenāt co-operating. Taking a break from it for awhile and then talking about it in a different light can bring people close together ā or even closer than they once were before.
Your go-to
If youāre going through tough times concerning your family, it doesnāt mean that you have to go it alone! Chatting to friends, or people outside of your family (like in your support network) can help with being more supported. This can give you more ideas and more insight to how to go about solving some issues or handling a situation better.
Past, present, future
It can be common to see your version of family change over time. We asked about the difference between your family from years past and your current family. In the past, we may have been close to family but might have distanced ourselves due to certain circumstances. But it doesnāt mean itās all bad! Good experiences can come from bad ones š People who share similar interests or are passionate about different causes can also be considered our family in the spectacular now š
Helping out
Being there and bringing meals when the going gets tough can be super helpful for a friend. Big, small, in-between, itās the thought that counts 
Want more info?
- Family services
- How to make friends
- How to ask a friend if they're ok
- What is self-care?
- Caring for yourself while caring for others
- All about gratitude
- Conflict between family and culture
- Family conflict with parents
Hope you all have a good night! 
@j95 It's wonderful to know that you have a family now that supports you in the way a family ought to 
Have you ever had to redefine your version of āfamilyā? What was the difference between that āfamilyā and your current āfamilyā?
Actually since I came out to myself I've had to restrict how close I would get to certain family members. I used to consider myself close to much of my extended family, but since most of them are rather homophobic I have to distance myself from all but a few cousins. What I've lost in extended family though I've made up for with a network of friends with similar experiences to me. I guess it goes to show that good things can come from bad experiences
When I was younger I considered my family to be those people I lived with i.e. Mum, Dad & siblings but as I left the situation and stopped living with them, I didn't have a family I could go to. I lived in heaps of different foster "families" but it never really felt like I was surrounded by family or loved but now that I'm older I have met so many people through different things Im passionate about and those people are my family now š
@j95 Yes! I agree that if you find people who are passionate about the same or similar stuff, they're also your fam - because they're fighting/championing with you!
Rightio! Here's our last question for tonight!
10. How would you help a friend who was going through difficult times with their family?
10. How would you help a friend who was going through difficult times with their family?
Definitely check up on them often, tell them you're there, make some food. When you're having a tough time with your family, it's likely to impact your life in many many ways and sometimes it's really hard to tell what the ripple effects will be. I'd probably suggest getting in touch with extra resources like reach out, going to uni / school counsellors if they were keen! Anything to boost resilience and morale!
My whole family were having difficulties last year and 3/4 of us ended up receiving medical and psychological treatment for depression - so it seemed like not having a safe and supportive environment was big trigger for our family! It's really important you keep an eye on friends to see if they are experiencing normal grief and family issues or if they need some extra help!
You guys rock, keep it up!
@j95 Im glad that even though you have moved around that you have been able to have the ablilty to make your own family. This is a skill that I hope to posess in the future.
@j95 that's an interesting observation - you would have family that are removed from a situation just because you met them in a different place or they live in a different area, so you can go to them about a problem you're having with a family member. An unexpected upside!
@safari93 I do that all the time all though sometimes it backfires cos my friends range from 15 - 65 and my parents are both highly respected by them. Some times it works other times not so much.
Who would you go to if you were having issues within your family?
Usually my friends, or if its only within the immediate family, to an extended family member. It really depends on who I think would have the best understanding of the situation, and who would be best placed to help me out or support me. With the support network, I can usually bring it up with them and talk things through without feeling like I would need much external support
@Elsie it does sound tough, but you also sound like you have an enduring spirit, and you are doing your best to balance all of your committments
@j95 that's a good point, you should be able to talk through disputes with family and sort things out. Even if your blood family isn't so great, having a good support network acting like a family and being able to talk things out with them is great
@Elsie that sounds like such a difficult family situation, and it would make sense that you would want to take a break from it sometimes. You can always hang out with us if you need somewhere to take a breather or take your mind off things
@Dreamer 95 That sounds so tough, sending you and your family support!! You can always come here if you need some time out and support!!
