[CHAT] RUOK day: How to ask, how to help
Getting Real: RUOK?
No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever said life would be this hard.
Sometimes life isn’t easy and you know what? That’s actually pretty normal.
Almost every single person you know has gone through a hard time in their lives, is going through a hard time right now or will go through a hard time in the future. Some people find it easy to reach out to friends or family and talk about their emotions and experiences, while others find it easy to reach out to professional help.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of us out there that find it difficult or embarrassing to speak out and say that we need a bit of extra support from the people around us.
That’s where ‘R U OK?’ day comes in!
R U OK?’ Day is a national day of action to remind all of us of the importance of checking in on our friends, colleagues, boyfriends, girlfriends and family to remind them that they’re not alone in whatever struggles they face. It’s on the second Thursday of every September (so, September 10th this year).
To recognise the importance of ‘R U OK?’ day, we’ll be hosting a Getting Real session focused on it on September 7th.
We’ll be discussing the 4 steps of actually having this difficult conversation with others and thinking about how it applies to us in our day-to-day lives.
So, join us next Monday to get the conversation started, and remember: You don’t need to know the answers to someone’s problem, you don’t even have to have all your own problems sorted out, you just need to be willing to listen without judgement.
4 steps to ‘R U OK?’ day.
No matter who you are, you have everything it takes to have a meaningful conversation to support a mate in need.
***Join us on Monday 7th of September at 8pm (AEST) to chat about how to ask the question RUOK?***
If you could write a thank-you note to someone that has asked you if you were okay, or helped you in the past – what would you say to them?
"I know we don't talk anymore, but I'll always be grateful that you were there for me. I probably wouldn't be where I am without your help."
Sometimes we’re the ones that need to be asked if we’re okay, and that’s totally normal! Is there someone in your life that you know that you can turn to if you feel like you need support?
I'm really really lucky that I have loads of people I can go to if needed. My mum, sister, friends, lecturers, my GP, Kids Helpline, and everyone here on the forums can probably help me out in a tough time. Everyone deserves to have plenty of support.
Hey @FItzChivalry, glad you could make it!
Wow that person sounds amazing! You're really lucky to have someone like that in your life 🙂
Also we shouldn't be restricting the list to people who can help. Pets are often the BEST at cheering you up 🙂
@lokifish YEEEEEES! My puppies are great at cheering me up when I feel bad 😄
@Chessca_H My dog's staying somewhere else for a few days while dad does some work in the backyard. She's only been gone since this morning and I already miss her like crazy 😞 Hug your puppies for me haha 😄
Hey @copse, better late than never! 🙂
It's great that you're conscious about not overloading other when you need help!
@AllyJane Thank you for your amazing posts! I learned all of the things 🙂
Talking to someone about how they’re struggling can be a stressful experience for us as well! What are some ways that we can make sure we look after ourselves during the conversation and after?
@AllyJane @lokifish @Chessca_H SPOT ON! Self care is soooo important. You can't look after other people if you don't look after yourself first. It's not selfish, it's sensible and safe. I think it's okay if things get intense to back off a bit. I think having friends who can talk with you and take over if things are a bit hectic is a good idea, you don't have to be superman and save the day all by yourself! It's also okay to have some time for yourself afterwards, the same coping strategies that we all are putting together on this forum to help stay well are also great when you're helping other people too!
I've been putting off this online exam for way too long - I should get to it. Thank you all so much for being super encouraging and kind for my first GR session - I really really appreciate it. Have a great night!
@AllyJane Thanks for coming along tonight - you've made some really interesting points 🙂 Good luck for your exam!
What are some ways that we can make sure we look after ourselves during the conversation and after it?
I think its really important to look out for number one, and maybe think about the kind of questions you want to ask before you go into the conversation. If you feel like disclosing personal information will get the ball rolling, and start some recpriprocity of opening up then thats awesome, but I think making sure you know where your boundaries lie is super important so you're not regretting giving out some personal stuff you might not have been comfortable saying otherwise.
I think having some time for yourself is important afterwards too, try not to dwell too much over the conversation that you've just had, and remember that by trying to help someone out you're doing a really good thing.
Sometimes we may want to help a friend but they may not want us to help them. This can be for a number of reasons, they may be embarrassed, they may not want to be a burden or they may think that things may be easier if they kept the problem to themselves. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
This is definitely the trickiest part! Sometimes it's just about keeping the door open, and letting them know what's possible. Sometimes you might need to get the support of other people to help you keep the person safe, if you're worried about someone being safe there's always people like all of us on the forum who can help talk thing through. Lifeline is also good, they can actually talk to you about what to do to support someone else!
If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
Like others have said, reminding them you are there for them if they ever feel like talking, and you're still there for them even if they don't! If there's someone that they're closer to, you could also encourage them to talk to that person or point them to other resources where they can get info and chat about what's going on.
It's great to see that you're all so ready to help others out 😄 Time to move on to the next question!
Talking to someone about how they’re struggling can be a stressful experience for us as well! What are some ways that we can make sure we look after ourselves during the conversation and after it?
If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
Sending them a little care package might be a nice idea, as long as you're sure this wouldnt be overstepping any boundaries. But leaving a note letting them know that you're there for them, and you're ready when they are to talk about anything thats on their mind can be really helpful.
The third step of the ‘R U OK?’ conversation is encouraging action. That doesn’t mean that we have to know the answers to their problems, but it does mean we have to be willing to offer support to them and help them think of ideas that may help them bring themselves into a better headspace. What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
We have so many coping strategies on these forums! I think talking to people about them is a great place to help someone begin the journey of learning how to be well. I think sending people here to talk is also great! Sometimes it might mean helping them talk to a doctor and getting a mental health plan depending on where the person is at.
