[CHAT] RUOK day: How to ask, how to help
Getting Real: RUOK?
No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever said life would be this hard.
Sometimes life isn’t easy and you know what? That’s actually pretty normal.
Almost every single person you know has gone through a hard time in their lives, is going through a hard time right now or will go through a hard time in the future. Some people find it easy to reach out to friends or family and talk about their emotions and experiences, while others find it easy to reach out to professional help.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of us out there that find it difficult or embarrassing to speak out and say that we need a bit of extra support from the people around us.
That’s where ‘R U OK?’ day comes in!
R U OK?’ Day is a national day of action to remind all of us of the importance of checking in on our friends, colleagues, boyfriends, girlfriends and family to remind them that they’re not alone in whatever struggles they face. It’s on the second Thursday of every September (so, September 10th this year).
To recognise the importance of ‘R U OK?’ day, we’ll be hosting a Getting Real session focused on it on September 7th.
We’ll be discussing the 4 steps of actually having this difficult conversation with others and thinking about how it applies to us in our day-to-day lives.
So, join us next Monday to get the conversation started, and remember: You don’t need to know the answers to someone’s problem, you don’t even have to have all your own problems sorted out, you just need to be willing to listen without judgement.
4 steps to ‘R U OK?’ day.
No matter who you are, you have everything it takes to have a meaningful conversation to support a mate in need.
***Join us on Monday 7th of September at 8pm (AEST) to chat about how to ask the question RUOK?***
Welcome @j95
The type of listening we're all talking about is a type of listening that is sometimes called Active listening, It's a technique that some counsellors and psychologists spend a lot of time getting the hang of. You guys are doing it already! Nice.
What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
Eye contact is crucial, and lots of nodding. Nodding lets them know that you're following along and really paying attention. When its appropriate its also a good idea sometimes to repeat what they've said back to them, but reworded. That way they know that you've listened and understood well enough to be able to put it in your own words.
The third step of the ‘R U OK?’ conversation is encouraging action. That doesn’t mean that we have to know the answers to their problems, but it does mean we have to be willing to offer support to them and help them think of ideas that may help them bring themselves into a better headspace. What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
Sometimes when people are stuck in a rut so to speak, it can be more difficult for that person to think of what their options are. It might be useful to mention to them different places they kind find information and support and different people they can talk to, such as GP, school counsellor, teacher, parent, helplines, Headspace, Reach Out! There are many options and it's useful to tailor it to what is most likely to click with that person and what is available. You can offer to go with them if they're nervous. I think it's also important to remind people that lots of people go through struggles and reaching out for help is ok and important. Also, just reminding them you're there for them no matter what.
Also just spending time with them and doing things with them that they enjoy can be really helpful to bring someone into a better headspace.
@Randomness thats a really good point! Sometimes just being around to be a friend is a big form of support 🙂
So much Reachout self promotion going on here 😛
Great to know you guys like this place as much as we do!
@Chessca_H No joke, everyone on here feels like my second family. Why wouldn't I want to promote that? 😄
What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
I guess it depends on what's going on for them, but after meeting all the wonderful people on Reach Out (yeaaah, that's you guys! :P) I would definitely suggest to some people that they should check out Reach Out and get to speak to a few people here! Sometimes it's really helpful to speak to people who have gone through the same or similar thing to them.
Otherwise, I'm a big advocate for people taking time out to do things that they enjoy and that help them de-stress! It may not fix all your problems (or any of them), but it can be a really refreshing feeling to clear your head with something fun and enjoyable!
These answers are great!
I like your answer @Chessca_H and the way you reflect back the things you've noticed to them! Sometimes not being okay can sneak up on you, talking to someone else about the changes you have seen might help them think about how they're doing!
@Ben-RO Exactly, people who are in a bad place sometimes don't even realise it until it gets reflected back to them by others
Bahahaha, so much food discussion! But perhaps it's a good place to start!
The first step of starting any conversation is asking! It may sound easy, but sometimes it
can be difficult for us to start the conversation even though we want to. What kind of things
can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we
begin the conversation and help them open up?
Go get some food with someone, create a chilled out space to talk while you both nibble on something tasty. Maybe next year we can offer free drumsticks and ask the question RUOK? Heh.
Also i think part of the thing is to not be scared of being shut down. Most people i know aren't going to get upset by someone wanting to know how you're doing! So just ask!
What kind of things can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we
begin the conversation and help them open up?
- Make sure you're in a comfortable, safe and private place
- Start with some general chat, nothing too deep
- If they have stopped doing something ease into that subject and once you're talking about it bring it up that they haven't been doing that thing often. or Tell them that they seem a bit down/different/upset.
- Tell them that you are there for them and tell them that it's okay to tell you if there's anything wrong.
- If they tell you then encourage them to take action and maybe give them some ideas. If they don't tell you tell them that it's fine and make sure they know you're there for them if they need you.
@FootyFan26 your answers are on POINT tonight!
I feel like those 5 steps would pretty much always get someone talking ! Brilliant !
@FootyFan26 I love that detailed answer! That covers just about everything I could think of that would help 🙂
Hey @j95 🙂
The second step of any conversation is listening! Talking about how you feel can be upsetting, difficult or even embarrassing so it’s important that when someone confides in us we listen without judgement. What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
Make (appropriate) eye contact, giving them a chance to speak without interjecting, don't play with your phone, offer them a hug if that's your thing.
What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
- Give them your full, undivided attention
- Not judge them
- Let them talk and you listen
- Empathise or sympathise with them
- Be respectful of their views and opinions
- Don't disagree or 'down' what they say
- Don't 'brush it off' and tell them not to worry
- Make eye contact and don't 'avoid' them
- Keep the conversation private and confidential
- Don't act differently around them because of their problem
@FootyFan26 + @j95 spot on! Just because someone is going through a hard time doesn't mean they want to be wrapped in cotton wool. Being sensitive is definitely a neccessity, but some people do take it too far and that can make a whole other problem.
@lokifish I have a friend who is really guilty of it. It's gotten to the point where I'm just like "Hey, can you go on your phone later when I'm not here?" Haha. Pointing it out seems to have worked, they do it a lot less now!
@Randomness "You can offer to go with them if they're nervous" YAAAS! Definitely! Having moral support is awesome. I always offer to go with my friends to things, even if I just sit outside in the car.
Sorry guys, my heart just isn't in this chat tonight, so Imma gonna call it a night. But before I do, I shall tell you my plans besides beating NW to the post. 😛 Okay, so I plan on baking some cupcakes to take to TAFE and encouraging my class to get involved in RUOK day. 🙂
Night everyone, hope you have a splendid chat and use this awesome chat to inspire you to have some conversations that matter.
@j95 Night!
@stonepixie You'll have to send me one of your cupcakes through the internet 😛 See ya later!
@stonepixie Gnite!
Thank you for coming! That's awesome that you're making cupcakes. I now have a sudden craving for them. Nom. See you on the forums!
