[CHAT] RUOK day: How to ask, how to help
Getting Real: RUOK?
No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever said life would be this hard.
Sometimes life isn’t easy and you know what? That’s actually pretty normal.
Almost every single person you know has gone through a hard time in their lives, is going through a hard time right now or will go through a hard time in the future. Some people find it easy to reach out to friends or family and talk about their emotions and experiences, while others find it easy to reach out to professional help.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of us out there that find it difficult or embarrassing to speak out and say that we need a bit of extra support from the people around us.
That’s where ‘R U OK?’ day comes in!
R U OK?’ Day is a national day of action to remind all of us of the importance of checking in on our friends, colleagues, boyfriends, girlfriends and family to remind them that they’re not alone in whatever struggles they face. It’s on the second Thursday of every September (so, September 10th this year).
To recognise the importance of ‘R U OK?’ day, we’ll be hosting a Getting Real session focused on it on September 7th.
We’ll be discussing the 4 steps of actually having this difficult conversation with others and thinking about how it applies to us in our day-to-day lives.
So, join us next Monday to get the conversation started, and remember: You don’t need to know the answers to someone’s problem, you don’t even have to have all your own problems sorted out, you just need to be willing to listen without judgement.
4 steps to ‘R U OK?’ day.
No matter who you are, you have everything it takes to have a meaningful conversation to support a mate in need.
***Join us on Monday 7th of September at 8pm (AEST) to chat about how to ask the question RUOK?***
Hey everyone, thought I might drop in on tonight sesh!
What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
Sounds really simple, but just if they seem to be acting not like themselves. Concerning changes in behaviour can sometimes happen scarily quickly, so if someone sudden stops being as social as they usually are or stop participating in hobbies they usually really enjoy for example it's definitely something that should be brought up
Hmmmm, so it seems to me like we all reckon sometimes it's pretty obvious, but sometimes people can hide it so well that you might not be able to tell!
So, let's explore! Next question!
The first step of starting any conversation is asking! It may sound easy, but sometimes it
can be difficult for us to start the conversation even though we want to. What kind of things
can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we
begin the conversation and help them open up?
The first step of starting any conversation is asking! It may sound easy, but sometimes it can be difficult for us to start the conversation even though we want to. What kind of things can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we begin the conversation and help them open up?
How has life been treating you lately?
I'm worried about you .... (state reasons why the worry) .... is everything okay?
Get straight to the point.
@stonepixie I totally agree, straight to the point is a really good tactic for some people who need to feel cared for and concerned about.
Hey everyone!
I literally walked in the door two minutes ago so I'm a little frazzled 😛 but I made it!
Sometimes people don’t always speak up when they’re struggling or feeling down, if your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite right with someone then chances are they may need a little bit of extra support. What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
Being unusually quiet or irritable, losing interest in things they used to enjoy or changes in eating/sleeping patterns are the first things that come to mind.
I have spare drumsticks! They might not be the kind you're all wanting though 😛
Nice to see you join @AllyJane!
@lokifish Welcome! Glad you could make it!
I'm definitely one of those irritable type people you just mentioned! If I'm stressing out hard then something little can just drive me over the edge, even silly things like my hair touching me or my phone freezing up can make me snap.
What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
This is easy but hard because there are so many diggerent people and they all show they need help in different ways, some don't even show it. Some signs I can think of are:
- Withdrawl
- Being quieter than usual
- Feeling down
- Looking upset
- Don't want company
- Contact and social life decreases
- Acting 'different'
- Being upset often
- Easily irritable/frustrated
- Becoming unresponsive
- Not enjoying what they used to
- Acting very happy
- Eating more
- Eating less
- Taking drugs or alcohol more
Now to answer my own question 😛
Sometimes people don’t always speak up when they’re struggling or feeling down, if
your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite right with someone then chances are
they may need a little bit of extra support. What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be
struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
I think differences are as significant as signs... or in other words, when the way a person acts changes. If someone's routine changes, for example they stop going to class or stop joining in on activities you do with them or if they seem a little withdrawn from everyone, that can often mean something is going on that's worth talking about.
That's an awesome point @Ben-RO !
And @FootyFan26 That is an amaaazing list! I totally love the way you pointed out it's "easy but hard", you're totally right! We're all different and we show something is wrong in different ways which can make it really hard to tell when something is up. That's why things like R U OK? day is so important, because sometimes the only way to know if something is wrong is to ask!
@stonepixie Can I have a drumstick ? 😞 But I think you're right as well, some people try and overcompensate and hide how they're feeling but acting super happy. It can make things really confusing!
Here you go, @KitKat. *hands virtual icecream over*
On a completely relavent / irrelavent note, I just found out that there is a vegetable called 'drumstick'.
@stonepixie I just found that out too! Now I really want to try it.
The first step of starting any conversation is asking! It may sound easy, but sometimes it
can be difficult for us to start the conversation even though we want to. What kind of things
can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we
begin the conversation and help them open up?
I've always been taught to use lots of "I" statements. "I've noticed you've been a bit quieter than usual" etc. It's worked well for me thus far 🙂
@lokifish The good old "I" statement, seriously such a great tool!
@stonepixie I'm super jealous of your drumstick-eating right now, I want a drumstick 😧
@stonepixie Yaaaaay, although maybe not as edible as actual ice cream 😛
What kind of things can we say to let the person know that we want to know if something is wrong? How can we
begin the conversation and help them open up?
Along similar lines to my last answer, if you've noticed that there's been a particular behaviour change thats causing concern you could use it to lead into the conversation. Like "Hey, I've notice recently you haven't been doing so much of _ as you used to, is something up?".
Welcome everyone to this session of Getting Real! Like @Ben-RO mentioned, I'll be dashing off later tonight and other people will be popping in (I'm working a night shift, so everyone pity me!!).
Sometimes people don’t always speak up when they’re struggling or feeling down, if your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite right with someone then chances are they may need a little bit of extra support. What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
I know for me personally, the biggest sign that I'm not okay is that I'm just really quiet and withdrawn and thoughtful. It always tips my boyfriend off that I'm worried or stressing about something! Some people are the complete opposite though, and they seem and act completelyfine when they're not okay!
Sometimes people don’t always speak up when they’re struggling or feeling down, if your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite right with someone then chances are they may need a little bit of extra support. What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
I completely agree @KitKat I actually do a bit of both! It can be hard to tell when people are trying to hide it, but I think other signs can be, just if the person has changed in any kind of way, isn't going out as much or doing as much of what they used to, sleeping more or less, marks/performance going down at school/uni/work. Everyone is different and there are lots of different signs.
@Randomness Welcome! You're spot on! We're all so super different! I think sometimes the signs we give even depend on who we're with. For example, usually with my boyfriend I'll be super withdrawn and quiet, because I'm more comfortable letting him know something is wrong. But with other friends, I'll act happy and fine because I'm not ready to let them know something is not okay yet.
@stonepixie YAAAS! This is the kind of drumstick I wanted! I think I'm going to buy one on the way to work tonight. Yum!
@AllyJane "It's fine, it doesn't matter" IS A HUGE SIGN ACTUALLY! I can't believe I didn't think of it. I'm definitely guilty of using it. Usually what I really mean is "It's not fine, I actually want you to ask me about it but I don't want to have to bring it up myself first."
@FootyFan26 Luckily it's always in private! For me it's like "the straw that broke the camels back" kind of thing. Everything builds up and then BAM, one tiny thing offsets everything. Then usually afterwards I laugh at how silly I was, haha.
Yeah! I agree @KitKat It can sometimes be hard to tell that something's up. I guess i've learned that it doesn't hurt to spend a little time every now and then checking in with your mates about how things are going.
@FootyFan26 That list was incredible!
i totes agree, also this:
