[CHAT] RUOK day: How to ask, how to help
Getting Real: RUOK?
No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever said life would be this hard.
Sometimes life isn’t easy and you know what? That’s actually pretty normal.
Almost every single person you know has gone through a hard time in their lives, is going through a hard time right now or will go through a hard time in the future. Some people find it easy to reach out to friends or family and talk about their emotions and experiences, while others find it easy to reach out to professional help.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of us out there that find it difficult or embarrassing to speak out and say that we need a bit of extra support from the people around us.
That’s where ‘R U OK?’ day comes in!
R U OK?’ Day is a national day of action to remind all of us of the importance of checking in on our friends, colleagues, boyfriends, girlfriends and family to remind them that they’re not alone in whatever struggles they face. It’s on the second Thursday of every September (so, September 10th this year).
To recognise the importance of ‘R U OK?’ day, we’ll be hosting a Getting Real session focused on it on September 7th.
We’ll be discussing the 4 steps of actually having this difficult conversation with others and thinking about how it applies to us in our day-to-day lives.
So, join us next Monday to get the conversation started, and remember: You don’t need to know the answers to someone’s problem, you don’t even have to have all your own problems sorted out, you just need to be willing to listen without judgement.
4 steps to ‘R U OK?’ day.
No matter who you are, you have everything it takes to have a meaningful conversation to support a mate in need.
***Join us on Monday 7th of September at 8pm (AEST) to chat about how to ask the question RUOK?***
If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
- Have another quiet chat
- Offer buckets of encouragment (more like truckloads!)
- Make sure they're following their plan and softly head them in the right direction if they aren't
- Ask them
- Keep in contact relatively frequently
- Encourage them to tell others that can keep them on track
- Don't be on their back about it
- Give them space of needed
- Listen to them and what they want
- Talk about them and keep the topic going subtly
@FootyFan26 I like that you mentioned encouraging them to tell others - that's awesome! Having more people = more support. Great idea!
@Randomness Asking about their action plan is definitely a good idea! I find if I tell someone I have to do something and they remember, it makes me feel more accountable.
Man, you guys are ON FIRE TONIGHT! Seriously loving it! I'm really sad I have to go to work now, but I'm gonna leave you with another question! when you guys go to bed in your nice warm beds, remember that I'm slaving away on nightshift somewhere and pity me 😛 Goodnight! Thank you all! *internet high fives*
Sometimes we may want to help a friend but they may not want us to help them. This can be for a number of reasons, they may be embarrassed, they may not want to be a burden or they may think that things may be easier if they kept the problem to themselves. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
This can be a really frustrating situation! I think you just have to keep a close eye on them and let them know that you're their if they change their mind. It also might be a good idea to check in with other people in their life to make sure theres a few people on the lookout, but you'd have to be careful that it doesn't seem liek you're talking behind their back.
Sometimes we may want to help a friend but they may not want us to help them. This can be for a number of reasons, they may be embarrassed, they may not want to be a burden or they may think that things may be easier if they kept the problem to themselves. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you but you are worried about them, what are some things you could do to look out for them and let you know that you’re still there for them?
That's a toughie. I think just letting them know you're concerned and will be there for them when they're ready to chat is reassuring. Sometimes it might not be a good time for them to talk, but if they're aware you care about them often they'll open up eventually. Maybe give them Kids Helpline/Lifeline's number and leave it at that - trying to push them will probably just make things worse.
@lokifish yeah, i reckon sometimes pushing too hard can make it worse too. it's that tricky act of letting them know you're there but also letting them come to you when they're ready to talk. I like the lifeline suggestion in particular because it's pretty much annonymous, so they can share stuff they might not be ready to share with people they know. They can speak thier mind.
@Ben-RO Definitely true. Sometimes it's easier talking to a caring stranger 🙂
Talking to someone about how they’re struggling can be a stressful experience for us as well! What are some ways that we can make sure we look after ourselves during the conversation and after it?
Asking yourself whether you're in a good headspace before having the conversation is always a good idea. Be confident in your ability to take time-outs if needed, or to postphone the discussion for another time when you're both feeling okay. Going for a walk or something afterwards can help process what's happened, what went well/poorly and what you can do next. Plus you get endorphins 😄
@lokifish when I saw your answer I couldn't resist, my inner legally blonde nerd had to do it! 😛
What are some ways that we can make sure we look after ourselves during the conversation and after it?
During: Totally important to be aware of your own boundaries and things that could possibly be triggering for you
After: SELF CARE! Seriously I go on about it all the time but do it!!!
The final step of our conversation is to follow up with that person later. Even though ‘R U OK?’ day is only one day a year, it’s important that we look out for our mates and family throughout the year – just as they should look out for us. If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
I think you have to keep it simple. Getting well and learning the skills that you guys are so amazing at can be a long journey sometimes, and that's okay! I think it's important to look at the steps between, and break it down into small easy to tackle parts. Maybe talk about the journey a little bit, and start with a few simple steps. Like doing a mindfullness session every day, or being brave and making that first appointment with the GP.
If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
Giving them a little bit of time to do some of the things that you'd suggested to them is a good idea - you don't want them to feel pressured or pestered. I've found that if a friend asks me after a few days how things have been going, it feels like a good amount of time has passed - i've had the chance to look into some stuff, but they havent left it too long, so I know they didn't forget about me.
@AllyJane you've brought up a really important point there, not only should they not feel pressure but they should feel like they're the one who gets to make the decisions about what happens. Feeling like the other person is taking over the help seeking process is never fun
The final step of our conversation is to follow up with that person later. Even though ‘R U OK?’ day is only one day a year, it’s important that we look out for our mates and family throughout the year – just as they should look out for us. If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
If you're not comfortable or able to follow up in person, send them a text/Facebook message saying "Hey, how're things going? Did you get a chance to speak to ___?" GP, counsellor, parent etc. Someone before mentioned offering to go with them which is an awesome idea!
@lokifish I think thats an awesome suggestion, especially because sometimes it might feel a little uncomfortable for them to be followed up in person - doing it over facebook or something like that is a great idea.
Totally agree that this shouldn't only be one day year! while it is good for promotion, unfortunately we all cannot have a problem only one day of the year haha it just doesn't work like that!
i think CONSISTENCY is key. Don't message then once then never reply to them! you don't want to be pushy, just consistent. Ask them how they're going. Make sure you stay actively in their life and still hang out with them. even if you don't have to talk about whats going on, just making them feel supported and loved
If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
I think it's important to not underestimate the power of a little message every now and them. Just letting them know you're around and thinking about them is a great way to make sure they're on track with handling the situation
@Chessca_H + @bessie94 Yeees! This is exactly my answer! If someone has reached out to you, don't ever forget about them. Or let them feel like you've forgotten about them!
@lokifish Social media is definitely a lifesaver sometimes! I'm definitely not a phone call person (and I feel like a lot of my friends aren't either), so a lot of our conversations are via facebook messenger or SMS when we can't get together to catch up properly.
It's time for this weeks Getting Real!
Today we're talking about RUOK? Day, how to ask that question and what to do after that!
Tonight it's me and @KitKat with some other people jumping in and out over the night!
Don't forget to have a quick read of our guidelines and only post stuff that meet them!
Also remember sometimes some of the things we talk might mean you need to reach out for some support!
If you need support, Lifeline is here for you!
And with that out of the way it's time for question 1!
Sometimes people don’t always speak up when they’re struggling or feeling down, if
your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite right with someone then chances are
they may need a little bit of extra support. What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be
struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
Heya guys / gals
What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
They seem withdrawn, not themselves, but also, they can be acting super dooper happy and bubbly.It just depends on how they hide it.
Sorry this is taking me so long to write, I'm eating a drumstick
