Hey @ILikeCake,

It's good to hear that you're speaking to a psychologist atm 🙂 Do you like her? Perhaps while you're away you could think about how you might bring up some of these issues with her? Sometimes having a bit of a 'script' can be really helpful when talking about something tough for the first time.

I hear how much worry and anxiety this is causing you! It sound so distressing, I'm feeling for you. You sound like a very self aware and introspective person, which is definitely something that will help you succeed in CBT imo but it can be really awful when our brains go over and over the same worries!!

I'm sure that you know this since you seem to know a lot about OCD and about yourself, but I just thought I'd share the little bit that I know about OCD and what my first psych advised me to do to help. So the OCD cycle starts with a trigger or 'obsession' - so maybe an intrusive thought or image about sex or something else. Next comes the anxiety - we worry about what the intrusive thought or other trigger means, how we feel about it, what's going to happen. Then there's usually a compulsion - for me, some of my compulsions are physical (e.g. cross the road/touch the corner of the desk/repeat a sentence) but some are internal (e.g. trying to convince myself that I don't want something, replaying a scenario until I get it 'right,' checking that I can feel or don't feel something). After we fulfill the compulsion, we get some relief temporarily until the trigger/obsession returns.

Does that sound familiar or make sense? Kinda?

What I was told to do by my first psychologist was to delay the compulsion as long as possible. Maybe an hour, or maybe fifteen seconds even, just delay it. So I was told to think to myself 'okay, I'm anxious about this thing. But I'm not going to touch the desk/check what I'm feeling/replay that thought for fifteen seconds.' And then I do another fifteen seconds, and another fifteen. The point is to prove to ourselves that nothing bad will happen if we ignore the anxiety.

Here's a picture!!

Hey, do you reckon you could tell me some things that you *DO* like about yourself? Or if you can't think of anything right now, because I know that's hard, things that you like or care about? You don't need to hate yourself or to feel ashamed. OCD hurts, but it's not all of you, and you don't necessarily want the things the illness tells you you want.

Hugs, I'm thinking of you.

TW: Terrified about sex in future! Giving me extreme anxiety and making me bedridden.

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