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2019 is my worst year by far

I moved schools in the start of last year and since then my life has been such a mess. rumours have been spreading and my school marks have been dropping and I had started self-harming cause everything was just so overwhelming. but this year has been the worst and I just dont know what to do. so much drama happened with this boy and I and cause of that my self confidence has decreased so much and Ive started to hate school more than usual. like I feel like whenever I have eye contact with whomever I feel so isolated and embarrassed and I just dont feel as motivated to learn and understand during class. due to this ive been failing my exams and my parents have been pressuring me so hard and telling me I need to work so much more cause im gonna become a senior next year and exams are worth a lot. like overall my mindset and anxiety have become worse and ive tried various online counselling and all of them have told me to go check out the school councillor but im just so scared that someones gonna see me go in the office or that the counsellor would judge me and tell me nothings wrong. and I haven't been able to sleep for weeks now and my self-harming habits are getting worse and I dont know what to do. im not close with my parents or siblings so I cant rlly talk to them. plus at school I show a different part of me; the excited crazy person and therefore im too scared to show my inner feelings to any of my friends. and cause of this I pile everything up inside of me and im just so done with life and everything cause I dont know how to solve it or how to make it better. 

in need of advice about school problems :(

so basically there's this guy in my class and I've talked to him a few times so we aren't that close. randomly I was like what if I asked him to formal and my friends were like yeh go for it. the thing is this guy is kinda a joke in our school like I dont wanna be mean but people make fun of him for fun but he's chill about it. so my friend asked him in class one day for me and he said he would think about it. my friends and I were kinda shook cause we all expected him to say 'no' and then the next day he said yes after my friend asked again. so I texted him that night and I realised he was a rlly Nice guy and I felt bad cause I didnt rlly know if I wanted to go with him or not. two weeks passed after that incident and the whole grade started to find out about it and I wanted sure of wanna go with him idk like I didnt mind but I thought people would start to talk so I went up to him and told him it was all a joke and I thought he thought it was a joke cause apparently he kept telling my friend in class that he thinks its a joke. after like half an hour in that same class he looked rlly depressed and he started crying apparently and all his friends were like 'omg why'd u dog him like that' and I felt so bad for hurting him cause I honestly didnt know what to do. the next day I wanted to discuss everything with him and tell him I didnt mind going with him the entire time but I felt bad for lying in the beginning but he said he didnt wanna talk to me. so the next day after I texted him and I explained everything to me and he said he forgave me. the days after he kept ignoring me and all his friends started calling him 'p*ssy' and I felt so bad for him cause it was all my fault aswell everyone In my grade found out about it and they started talking shit about me and how im such a bitch and I felt so sick and I legit didnt wanna go to school for a whole week. but just a few days ago I realised that I like him a lot and I dont know what to do cause he hates me and I regret telling him it was a joke cause that isn't even true and ive realised that I kinda liked him before too and was probs why I even decided to ask him out to not too sure what to do. 

Re: in need of advice about school problems :(

aswell after everyone found out about my lying to him, I kept having panic attacks and random breakdowns at school cause I felt so bad. 

Re: in need of advice about school problems :(

Hi @ruthxxx! Welcome to the forums!

That sounds like a really tough and tricky situation. Smiley Sad I honestly feel bad for both you and the boy and can understand why you both feel so sad. It sounds like a series of miscommunications to me. It could be that there are other factors in his life that were making him feel more stressed out and upset than usual.

How would you feel about apologising to the boy again? This article can really help with showing how to make a good apology. There's always a chance that he won't accept it, but I'm sure that he will eventually move on. People can also let go of negative feelings and forgive people after some time has passed, although this is different for each person, so there's still a chance that you can be on good terms again. Heart

Re: in need of advice about school problems :(

hey thank you for the advice I appreciate it. ive apologised to him once and he said that he was angry at me and my friends who were involved. a day or two later he said he forgives me but whenever im in a class with him, I can tell hes ignoring me and avoiding me cause sometimes hes friends bring the topic up in class and we both get rlly embarrassed. I rlly want us to be on good terms but idk how to :/

Re: 2019 is my worst year by far

Hi @ruthxxx 


Welcome to the ReachOut forums and thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like you're going through a really hard time. It is very brave of you to reach out like you have done today Heart


I know it's easier said than done but I'd encourage you to talk to your parents about how you're feeling, then they might be able to help you access professional support outside school if you feel uncomfortable seeing your school counsellor. It's definitely not easy to speak up but most of the time, it's worth it. Generally speaking, parents want the best for their children, and will do their best to help them in any way they can.


Is speaking to a parent something you'd consider? We come across many users who are afraid to open up to their parents, but once they do, they realize it wasn't as scary as it seemed. 


Also, I've had to edit some of your post so that it aligns with our community guideline which asks users to not share their method of self-harm. A list of our community guidelines can be found here. Please have a read of them when you get a chance Smiley Wink.

Re: 2019 is my worst year by far

hi @ruthxxx and welcome
@Maddy-RO has given you some advice already but I wanted to stop in and say hello.
Im sorry things are so tough, esp at school.
would you like to talk about the rumours being spread around? has anything helped with managing your self harm?
you mentioned your senior yr at school, would you be turning 16/17? Just asking as once you turn 16 your able to attend drs appointments on your own. would you be comfortable in speaking with your gp yourself once your 16 or over?
its hard to keep up being the excited crazy person when we are struggling, its important to try and reach out for that help. Kidshelpline allows weekly counselling session, if they suggest you speak with your school counsellor you can say I would rather talk on here for a while as your not comfortable in speaking with the school counsellor.
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: 2019 is my worst year by far


I am sorry that those events have happened to you Smiley Sad. It does sound pretty full on in your life at the moment. Especially when you are experiencing a lot of things that seem out of control. If you are comfortable, could you tell us more about what the school and your family are like? 

Re: in need of advice about school problems :(

@ruthxxx  That sounds pretty awkward! Smiley Frustrated I can't really tell you what to do, but I have some suggestions.

Maybe you can ask him if he would be open to hanging out alone, without his friends being there. Maybe you can do something nice for him. It can be a small gesture like making something for him or buying him lunch.

You could also wait and see what happens. His friends will probably stop bringing up the topic eventually. It could be that he wants to be on good terms with you again, but is embarrassed by his friends.

Re: 2019 is my worst year by far

Hi @ruthxxx!

It sounds like you're under a lot of stress and pressure at the moment. High school can be so tough. Smiley Sad

I think the advice so far has been great. I don't have much to add but here are some resources for helping with self-harm urges:
A thread about coping strategies and alternatives to self-harm
Calm Harm - an app that can suggest alternatives and ways of managing self-harm urges
Self-help for self-harm
Help services for self-harm
It's up to you whether you want to read or use them though. Heart