I feel like everybody hates me

Hey all firstly, I agree with @KitKat  about getting on to Kids Helpline espically after my previous thread. which I'll just give you the link to incase your curious about what I said or how negative I was feeling. Read Here

@lanejane It's no so much I say awkard things, it's that they don't really sound happy. Therefore I assume I've done something or bothered them.

When you ask if I think too much about social situations, Yes. Social situations terrfiy me to no end. People  say to me  "People probably have respect for you, but they just don't say it or know how to".

I can encounter someone I know who doesn't hate (at least I hope they don't) and lose it. Say for example, I'm in a supermarket or shopping area, if I see someone approaching I often duck into a aisle to "escape".

Hey @MemphisBelle  How come you assume that you've done something wrong? People struggle with their own issues or are distracted. It's not necessarily a reflection of you. You seem like a really nice and thoughftul person.

For some people, being relaxed and outgoing is natural, but a lot of us have to work at it. It's like a skill that takes practice. Have you ever thought about it that way?

@Topaz 

I just feel like I've screwed up way too many times and I've been trying it for 4 years (When I started High School) and haven't accomplished much.

I feel like I've done something wrong because I'm not being invited out by people or really connecting with them. I feel like they don't enjoy talking to me. People say I'm a nice person but I feel like I'm acting like a total jerk and I don't why.

I did make two friends but they turned into "toxic" friends. One punched me in the stomach for telling him to back off when he was teasing me and the other spread rumors about me because I refused to ditch class with him.

I'm getting off track with trying to explain this, I could do it but it would take a few posts and replies.

Hey @MemphisBelle 

Glad that you've been checking out headspace and Kids Helpline. Even if you think that people are 'hyping' things up about you, looking into your strengths is not a bad thing. You may come across self-doubt but I think recognising them is understanding what great qualities you have, rather than focusing on what you've done wrong. We do learn from our mistakes, but to do that, we've got to look forward into taking more positive steps. Have you checked out positives & negatives of today? 

Okay so more stuff I wanted to say and get off my chest popped up. Gonna try and do this bit by bit, bare with me.

So first of all this thread and This thread are all discussing the same thing. Just so you don't have to read the two and jump back and forth. Everything I mentioned there I will repeat here, I want to try and nail this. First attempt and fingers crossed.

So why am I being hard on myself? Well before I thought I was being too "easy" on myself. If someone acted like a jerk to me, I would just go 'That's their problem" but now I've started to worry "What if the I AM the problem?" I felt like I was doing something wrong like everyone hated me.

I felt like I wasn't worthy at all, I remember a counselor gave me a self-esteem test. One of the questions was "I am just as good as the other kids" I circled NO without a single second of hesitation.

I then started to feel that no one cared about me, I remember I decided to get Facebook (big mistake), I remember the kids in the class were flooding my inbox with friend requests I thought 'HEY!!!! They musn't hate me after all!!" but then they didn't sound pleased to see me at school, I felt like they only wanted my friend request on FaceBook for numbers.

I went on a excursion with my Drama class at the start of this year, I wish I didn't go. I remember something happened and my Diabetic test equipment got lost, I have no clue what happened and it will confuse me for ever. I felt like my Drama teacher was very unhappy with me and doesn't trust me to handle any tasks or responsibilites. I felt stupid.

I've had two "meltdowns", not sure if that's the right word but A LOT of crying and sobbing. The first was on the day of my Year 11 exams, my entire family had noticed I was looking glum. My parents said "We know school isn't fun and you don't like being there but you have to go because..." I eventually exploded (not angry or showing any aggression towards them" I just said "I don't like school because I don't belong there!"  and went on a long rant about how I felt worthless and like a failure.

I can't remeber what started the second one.

That's hopefully one chapter down, hopefully I can think for the second one.

Take care all

P.S The links getting sent aren't working for me. Anyone else having this problem?

Hey @MemphisBelle,

Just answering your question: "P.S The links getting sent aren't working for me. Anyone else having this problem?" - I actually noticed that a few RO links weren't working the other night, but I think they're working now. Can you try clicking a couple of those links again and see if they work for you?

Cheers

blithe

@tsnyder

Sorry for the late reply guys

"Why are you so concerned about what other people think of you?"- As I've said I just don't want people to hate me and think I'm a terrible person....but obiviously I need to rethink that

@blithe Yeah the links work now, Thanks 🙂

Most people want to be liked by others @MemphisBelle but when it starts taking over all your thoughts and causing you a lot of distress, it might be time to take a step back. I really do encourage you to talk to your counsellors at Headspace and Kids Helpline about this and create an action plan to start feeling better about yourself. In the meantime, please do check out some of the positive self-talk threads others have linked to. I reckon they will help shine a light on some of the good things about life.

@MemphisBelle Thanks for sharing your story. I know that's not always easy.

You know where you said that you used to think other people were the problem and then you started thinking maybe you were the problem? You're not alone. I think we've all been there at some point and I think the self-reflection is a totally normal and good thing to do. I think they key is to find a happy medium. And we all make mistakes, it doesn't mean you are stupid; it just means you made a mistake and we can learn from mistakes.

Why do you feel like you don't belong in school? Is there anyone you can talk to about alternatives and how you're feeling?

@Topaz I feel like I don't fit in at school because I feel worthless and inadquete. As mentioned before everyone there has done something "amazing" something they can be proud of. Something people will remember...me? Nothing I've tried the school counelsor but it's really hard.

@tsnyder I don't mean to manipulate people I just don't want to be hated. That's why I apologize and have "eagnerness" . Honestly I don't feel I could cope with people hating me and wishing I would vanish. If people want me gone, then why do I bother with school and making myself a better person. If people are always gonna hate me, then why am I here.

My class don't like me? Then I'm obiviously a bad person right? . There has to be a reason I'm disliked and I can't pinpoint why? It can't be "That's just their problem" what am I doing wrong?

I feel like I've caused my isolation, I just can't figure out what went wrong

I'm sorry for ranting again, I'll be back tomorrow. Take care guys

@MemphisBelle  awesome awesome train of thought!  These questions you have just posed: " Honestly I don't feel I could cope with people hating me and wishing I would vanish. If people want me gone, then why do I bother with school and making myself a better person. If people are always gonna hate me, then why am I here." Are precisely what I'm getting at! You need to have a good hard think about these things!  WOOOOO Go you!! I'm a proud mod right now

What does your life mean?  Do you only exist to be liked? Personally, I don't believe in 'fate' (everyone can make up their own minds and I'm not trying to push my ideas onto you) - I think the essence of human existence lies in responsibility.  Considering this point, is your true responsibility in life to be liked? I don't think it is, I think that is merely what you desire, but is of little importance. 

I went through a period of life much like yours once - I felt utterly meaningless.  I began reading a lot, and one of my favourite thoughts was that meaning can be found 1) through how you handle inescapable pain, 2) through loving someone, and 3) through creation.  Perhaps focus on points 1 and 3? 

Firstly, how are you going to handle not being liked? Will you continue to be 'eager' and apologize or will you accept that being disliked is part of life and you just have to accept it? 

Secondly, why don't you focus on ways you can contribute to the world around you, rather than just focusing on yourself? (Sorry to sound harsh, but this is what you are doing) This does not have to be done socially, but can be done through a large array of means.  Pick up rubbish, grow some plants, donate to the salvos, anything where you're focus is on something elses wellfare rather than your own.  Volunteer at your local meals on wheels, literally there are a ton of things you could do here! Have a think

You need to understand that people are allowed to hate you and there is nothing you can do about it.  It doesn't say anything about you, nor does it say anything about them! It just is.  And it is ok! If we all were friends, surely it would undermine the quality of friendship and be superficial?

You are going to have to be brave here man.  No one wants to be hated but it's part of life!  Did you know that when I started some of the other mods didn't like me? haha I probably shouldn't tell but the point I'm making is this - I did not bow to them nor them to me, we had a genuine discussion and grew as individuals and as a team! It happens and you have to accept it.  And it goes without saying - stop apologizing! Apologies are for when you do something wrong, not for when people don't like you.

If people don't like you, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or with them

As a final point, I know some really good books that helped me with this feeling of meaning, would you like to give them a read?

Finally, why are you so concerned about what other people think of you?

That's ok @MemphisBelle I know it can time consuming and derailing to get into great detail about stuff. It sounds tough though I think you might be being too tough on yourself. There are some good articles and videos in the Friendship area. Maybe something there will help.

Hi @MemphisBelle 

Remember it takes time to get good at some thing. Dont give up. There are billions of more people to meet out there.

Practice makes perfect. Its okay to screw up.

Good luck.

Hey All, so I managed to get through to Kids Helpline and I'll just sum up a little of  what I said. (Session was fine, no complaints)

I've started acting strange as well. I plan routes to take when I'm at school so I avoid people and ask to go to the toilet a lot often just to escape for 2-3 minutes.

I mentioned how I view myself as a failure, I think I'll go back so I'll bring that up again and see what comes about.

@MemphisBelle I think it's really great that you managed to get on to Kids Helpline and that it was helpful. Sometimes it is handy to have other people to talk to who can help you realise thought patterns of behaviours. It sounds like you are pretty aware of yourself already though too which is a really good trait to have.

I find myself doing similar things that you mentioned in your first post. I don't know why either. Sometimes I really want to be friends with someone but then when they speak to me I only say something really awkward or something that like just cuts of the conversation like "yep cool". I find I just need to take time to relax, and think less! I really think way too much about social situations. I wonder if you do this too?

@safari93 Still sad but at least well rested. I tried the links but they just lead me to an error page.

I think what I have to do is nail my story down perfectly, I've started seeing headspace in the last week and I won't go into too much detail but so far it hasn't been to bad.

Honestly I feel like if I try to think of my own positives or think of myself in a good way, I just stuggle with it. I always question it. Is this true? Am I really that good? etc and feeling lonely just adds to it

 Talk again soon