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I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

I am new but I really wanted to get this out. Often for me just writing it out helps, so here goes.

 

I am a huge extrovert, like massive, but I get depression often. It will be a great day and I'll be feeling awesome and suddenly I just feel like a dark cloud is over me and then I often lash out for no reason, get angry or stressed really easily and feel awful.

 

A similar thing happens when I am alone, I get the dark cloud come and not go. I hate it so much. Sometimes I will stay home for a day from school because I am sick or having a really down day, but everyone's out sometimes and this just makes it worse as I feel lonely and horrible.

 

When I fight with my dad I get anxious and stressed and then this often leads to anger. In fact, most of my emotions lead to anger, why is this? School work also stresses me out heaps, the looming exams and assignments and tests make me feel awful, often leading to even worse sleeps than normal. 

 

It's a vicious cycle and it gets worse and worse and then suddenly it will go and I'll be fine for days, weeks or months. And then unexpectedly and randomly it will suddenly return.

 

I have tried to explain it to all of my friends but they don't understand. They just know me as crazy, out going and constantly positive. But only a few know that when I am in of my rough patches it takes so much energy to keep me how I normally am. I tried taking it easy when I am not well, but that just means everyone asks me what's wrong and it gets so frustrating. I don't mind talking to close friends about it, but not everyone.

 

I just don't know what to do about it and really want this to stop. I have tried so much and now don't know what to do. Mindfullness helped for a while, but it's hard and not very practical. 

 

Thanks Smiley Indifferent

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

Hey @Em-Joy and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy
Have you spoken to your teachers about how stressful school is becoming? Sometimes they can work with you to find solutions in order to help deal with the workload.
Do you have any other strategies other than mindfulness? Such as reading or drawing or going for a run?

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

I have talked to teachers, but it's kind of a given that in year 10 ATAR you are going to have lots of work. I love sport and often go for runs, but I broke my foot last year and my ankle has been dodgy since meaning that sometimes I can't because it gets sore. I am a very active person and can not sit still, things like reading and drawing usualy add to my stress rather than remove it. I get twitchy and annoyed. It's just so hard to deal with, especially when I feel like my friends judge me for how I feel, they're so used to me being constantly happy and energetic it's weird for them...

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

It's really awesome that you are able to name the types of activities that help you relax (IE being active rather than writing/art/quiet actvities)

 

Some people dont get to this point until they a lot older than you.

 

Very impressive - so keep doing those things

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

Hi Em-Joy! Welcome to Reachout and I am glad that you have the courage to reach out for help.

I definitely understand that feeling of the whole day being great but suddenly you just got upset for no reason. I experienced that myself, and I bet many others do too.

I have a massive break down last year, being upset, anxious, worry at all time simply because work was stressing me out. The uncertainty of life, questions like "can I do that?" "Is it possible for me to achieve that?" "Will others be disappointed on me if I fail?" pop up in mind and you feel like you are almost reaching the max point where you can't stand anymore.

You mentioned you have explained to all your friends, but most don't understand your situation. However, keep in mind that there are also others who care about you, have you tried talking to family, close friend, or anyone who you think could be supportive to you? Sometimes you get the relief feeling simply by telling others about your situation.

Besides that, you can also book into an appointment with your school counsellor? You can take it as an opportunity of letting off all your concerns, worries, unhappiness, as counsellors are pretty good listener.

I hope I have helped a little, but bare in mind that you are not alone, there is always people who love and care about you. And it is nothing strange or weird to have such depressed emotion, sometimes people treat you differently for that simply because they have not experienced that by themselves, and they have no idea how tough it could be.

Love,
Gigi

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

Hi @Em-Joy and welcome to ReachOut!

 

I find that often just writing things out helps for me too. Has it helped for you this time?

 

At the times when everyone is out, is there something you could do to help you feel more connected/less isolated? Calling a friend or family member could be an option, even just to say hello, if you don't feel comfortable discussing your emotions/experience at the moment. Sometimes I find that even the smallest connection, like a text or a snapchat can help me feel more connected.

 

You seem very aware of your own emotions and the fact that you're trying to take action using techniques like mindfulness is a really good thing! Well done!

 

 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

Hi @Em-Joy that sounds like a super stressful time you've been having lately. I know that when my stress and anxiety levels increase I get really irritable and angry. Do you think it is similar for you?

Have you considered going to your GP about it?

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

Hi @Em-Joy I feel like I can relate in that a lot of my friends percieve me as an extrovert also and get a shock when I'm not like that for whatever reason. As people get older though, they learn that we are all multi-faceted beings. I hope that with time those around you learn that there will be days when you are that outgoing bubbly person and days when you're more low key - which is fine also.

What's not fine though is how much this cloud over you is stressing you out. School can be stressful enough without mood changes and feeling hopeless on top. 

You said that writing helps, can you add that to your list of coping strategies?

You also mentioned running helped but with a dodgy ankle that's not always an option - can you trade it for another type of exercise that gets your heartrate up but won't put pressure on your ankle?

 

And just one last thing, I read a great book as part of a meditation teacher course once and it was all about making mindfulness practical and applicable in every day life. It was called 'the 5 Minute Meditator' by Eric Harrison if you want to check it out. Most people think mindfulness means sitting cross-legged in a quiet room with your hands on your knees but that book taught me that you can meditate any time any place no matter what you're doing.

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

How are you this arvo @Em-Joy?

Re: I get stressed, depressed, hate being alone and get angry easily.

@Gigi Leong, I have told my mum and she tries to help me as much as possible, but she's so busy there often isn't time to talk. My dad, while having good intentions and being a caring person, always just ends up fighting with me and making it worse. Sometimes I just get so down I don't think I can take it much more...

I used to talk to my sister, but as soon as she turned 18 she moved out. 

At nights often it's especially bad, because I can't sleep and I'm alone. I used to go and talk to my sister, but now she's not here anymore and impossible to reach.

I haven't told many of my friends who are just friends as I don't want them to treat me differently. But my close friends know and I guess are slowly getting used to the idea, I think I just don't like accepting help sometimes because I feel like a burden. That's why I didn't tell anyone how I've been feeling for ages.

I get that not everyone understands, but the few people who know besides my best friends don't even act in an understanding way and some people have even joked about it not realising I get more down when they do, no matter what I say...