- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Float this Topic for Current User
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Printer Friendly Page
Latley...
Lately, I've been feeling this sense of emptiness, like I'm hollow on the inside. I'm able to put on a smile and be energetic when working and attending uni but after the highs experienced then I fall into a spiral of feeling empty. It's as though all that energy and high experienced was not me but someone else. Letting my guard down terrfies me because it puts me almost in a trance and when I come back from it I enter this cycle of self-loathing and overthinking, feeling overwhelmed for enjoying life I guess. Life just feels meaningless- I'm nothing if I'm not being 'used' or at service to someone else. I don't feel deserving of all the good things that come into my life, and my achievements feel like they're not mine to claim. I feel like an imposter.
Lately, I've been trapped in my head a lot. I keep relapsing the past of the good times and the times when I laughed and smiled without second guessing it. The more I try to run away or shut out these instrusive thoughts the stronger it pulls me back into it. It's like a sling shot, the further you pull the elastic back the further and harder the object will be fired out. I'm dissociating a lot and talking to myself in response to some of the scenarios that go through my head. Getting out of bed has become increasingly difficult/ I'm reluctant to get out of bed everyday.
Comments
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Inappropriate Content
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Inappropriate Content
Hi @The_Elliot I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling this sense of emptiness and feel like life is meaningless. I can only imagine how scary and overwhelming that must feel. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you at the moment, so I want to say well done for reaching out and sharing with us today. Firstly, as you have mentioned this emptiness and dissociating, I wanted to ask if you have had thoughts of suicide?
It can be so hard when you feel so trapped in your own head, especially when you are constantly remembering times in your life when you were happy and laughing. Do you mind me asking how long you have felt this way? I am also wondering if you have found anything, that has helped things feel even a tiny bit better for you?
I am also wondering what supports you have around you right now? Do you have anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this? It might also be worth looking into additional supports, such as Headspace. Or if things get too hard, Kidshelpline is available for a chat, whether it be over the phone.
I just want to say that the fact that you have reached out here today has shown just how strong you are. We are so lucky to have you as part of our community here. Just remember that you're not alone and we're all here for you 💜
Hey Courtney I have had suicidal/ self harm ideations during all this and it's been going on for months now. Throwing myself into work and study seems to be my go to at the moment. I don't really have people I feel comfortable with to let them in on what I'm going through. It's again about being scared of letting my guard down too much around people. However, I do have additional support from Headpsace and Kidshelpline.
Hi @The_Elliot , I'm sorry to hear that youre struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges - it sounds like the last few months has been an uphill battle. I'm glad to hear that diving into work and study has been helpful for you, and that you've got some extra support from Headspace and Kids Helpline. If you're interested, here's a thread on self-harm alternatives from some of our other users who experience similar feelings. There's some useful ideas in there if you ever feel like you need some extra ways of coping.
It can be really hard to let other people in, especially when it comes to talking about suicidal thoughts and feeling really low. I hope you know that we are always here to listen if you need someone to chat to. You mentioned that you've been struggling with dissociating quite a bit. Is there anything that makes you feel more grounded after this happens?
P.S. Keep an eye on your inbox as I'll be sending an email your way just to check in 🥰
Thanks Portia, I've received your email. The thoughts are currently just thoughts but they're very tempting because I've acted upon them in the past. As of now I'm able to keep myself safe and alive. In terms of becoming grounded again after dissociating I don't really have any strategies to bring myself back to feel real again, I end up just dissociating some more I guess, take on another character and get on with my day.
Hello@The_Elliot thanks for getting back to us and letting us know that you are safe. Sorry to hear that you feel that you don't have many strategies to help ground yourself again. That must be really difficult. I just wanted to let you know that I will be sending you another email just to check in on you a bit more, so please keep an eye out for that 😀.
I have received your email, once again thank you for the check in. In terms of acting on my self harm/ sucidal thoughts, I've stopped self harming since about February I think. I'm feeling overall safe where I am now. Apart from throwing myself into work, study and I suppose Youtube my other strategies from the past are not as effective no more.
Hi @The_Elliot
I'm really glad to hear you don't have any plans to self-harm or act on your suicidal thoughts. And a big well done for refraining from self-harming since February, that's fantasic! What helped you get to that point?
We have this article that talks about self-help for self-harm that you might find useful. Apart from work, study & YouTube, what other things do you enjoy? Do you like music, or art, or writing, or sports or anything else? It might help to find something to focus on that you can do, just because you enjoy doing it with no pressure. We all deserve time to enjoy, rest and recoup 😊
I guess by throwing myself excessively into work and study exhausting myself so I have no energy left to act upon the thoughts go tme through. Lol. But yeah I do like music. Thanks for the word of reassurance 💛
I get you! Do you think it would be possible to find some other things to focus on that don't end up in you exhausting yourself completely? I know it can feel like a lot to change things up and try different ways of coping (especially ones that don't mean we end up being too tired to deal with how we're feeling), but in the long run I reckon this could be a big help in making you feel better overall.
What kind of music do you like? Do you play any instruments?
I like a whole range, usually ones that I cant relate to or I vibe with. And no I don't play any instruments. Though I am hoping to get back into skateboarding sometime.
That's awesome @The_Elliot what's your favourite thing about skateboarding? I remember feeling like it was a nice way to zone out, take in my surroundings and get around. It has been a LONG time since I've tried it again tho 🙃
It use to be a way to destress. Now however, I'm struggling to find passion for it again...
Hey @The_Elliot I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling to find your passion for it again. It can be so hard when you can't enjoy something you were once so passionate about. I can definitely relate to this, though I am having trouble getting back into my art. I am just wondering if maybe there is something else you can do that might make you feel a little bit better? You mentioned earlier that you like music, do you find that it helps when you're not feeling great?
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Inappropriate Content