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Not good enough

So. In two weekends time, I’m supposed to be moving in with my boyfriend, in time for our 1 year anniversary. I’m leaving my job to find a new one, my parents, the house I’ve lived in all my life. To be working more hours and moving from everything I’m familiar with, which is really hard for someone with anxiety. And yesterday I found out that he’s cheating on me. But it was only texting, for 4 days, so, that’s okay? Right. Wrong. I was with him the entire time for those for days and I don’t know how you can look at someone you ‘love’ and tell them that, then look at your phone and send a text to a different girl. I really do love him and I want to believe that it won’t happen again but I just don’t know that I can. It just blows my mind. That anyone can do that. Especially when I was right in front of him, and I’m leaving everything for him. My depression has kicked in and I don’t know what to do I feel like this is all my fault. I’m not good enough, sex isn’t good enough, I don’t do a good enough job at that stuff, he’s bored with me. And if I forgive him how long will it be till he’s bored with me again. How can I go back to wanting to marry someone, always looking over my shoulder wondering if he’s talking to someone else. I don’t trust his words. I love him but I’m broken now. 

Re: Not good enough

Hey @CassyLeexxx I am so sorry to hear about this experience. Firstly you are good enough - absolutely! His behaviour is definitely not a reflection of you. The actions of infidelity are actually often about that person's insecurities, not the partner.

 

It sounds like you are really torn. Giving up so much for someone who has broken your trust, definitely most of us would be feeling just as confused. Emotional cheating i.e. "just texting" is very real and painful, you're within your rights to feel pain. Heart

 

Can you talk to him about the fact that you are now emotionally torn and perhaps need more time? I would also recommend chatting to a counsellor at KHL (for 14-25 year olds) here

 

I will tag some other members who may be able to provide their insight Heart

@scared01 @redhead @j95 @letitgo

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Re: Not good enough

@CassyLeexxx Im so sorry to hear what you're going through, and it's definitely not a nice position to be in. I went through something the same... The very same day that I left everything and moved in with my then boyfriend, he basically planned out his wedding to another girl. I wanted to run and I didn't. I stayed. He cheated throughout our relationship. 

 

I know this hurts, but I would suggest not to move. That is such a big sacrifice and at the moment, your boyfriend doesnt sound like he's assured in this relationship. And please please dont think this isn't because you're not good enough. Right now, he's not the right person for you. it's not because of something you did or didnt do. 

 

To be honest, you sound like a strong girl and sure of yourself. and youre making all the right kind of statements, do you think this is something you can talk to him about though? Maybe just postpone moving in to his place? 

Re: Not good enough

Hi @CassyLeexxx I'm so sorry to hear that. No one wants to be in this position. Ever. I can tell you that I've been in this position before and I know exactly how you're feeling right now. I felt like I wasn't satisfying him so he cheated on me which really took a hit in my confidence. I am here to tell you that you're better than "good enough," you are a strong and amazing person who deserves so much better than this.

If you feel like you can't trust him then it'll be a problem because you don't want to constantly be conscious that he's talking to someone behind your back, it won't help your relationship in any way and it'll tire you out. You should be with someone who treats you like you're his world and no other woman can capture his attention but you.

Just be calm and don't do anything rash at the moment. I suggest talking to him about it and clearing things up before moving ahead with your plans. It's better to talk about everything before making any decisions. You seem like a smart and and fantastic girl, this isn't your fault, none of it is. <3

Re: Not good enough

He just looks so genuine when he tells me it won’t happen again. And when we talk about my parents because they know what he did and he knows they don’t like him anymore. And I can see that rattled him. But I don’t know if that’s enough to stop it happening again. 

Other times it just seems like he would prefer if I wasn’t there which then of course I think is something going to happen again when he looks at me like that. 

Mths other thing is he talks to his best friend about everything and sends he’s hearts and tells her he misses her and he doesn’t talk to me about anything. 

I’m trying not to be worried about that though because they are best mates but at the moment it doesn’t sit right 

Re: Not good enough

@CassyLeexxx 

 

I hate to say this but that's sometimes a huge part of emotional abuse.. Smiley Sad 

Sometimes, it can seem that way, but it sounds like you're still not sure of him. Have you talked to him about it? It's understandable to have best friends - even of the opposite gender - but if it's making you, as his girlfriend, uncomfortable, he should know and change his behaviour. Friends will always understand and so should he too. Do you think this is something you could talk to him about? 

Re: Not good enough

@CassyLeexxx did you manage to have a chat to him? Thinking of you Heart

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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Not good enough

Hey cassy I also get bullied because my nose is just too big and im not good at sex either

Re: Not good enough

hey @BigPEEEEEEN111 ,really sorry to hear that you get bullied , that is not okay Smiley Sad 

We have some resources over here you might want to look at - it's important that you get some support. 

Who do you have supporting you at the moment? 

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I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: Not good enough

my dogs dad is supporting me