Re: Not sure what to do
Thanks @Alison5 ❤
I really do appreciate you being so open about your personal experiences because it makes me feel like there is hope for me yet!! If you used to worry to the point where it made you sick (where I am now) and you've made it to where you are now, that is just a HUGE motivator for me because I love your outlook on things and really hope to share the same thoughts one day!! But thanks for letting me know it took a few years because I'm really struggling with it atm. I get so angry and frustrated with myself that things aren't fixed yet. I'm quite the perfectionist and 'high achiever' so when things don't work out as I thought they might or in the timeframes I thought they would I really struggle to accept it. My psych has finally got me believing her when she says 'therapy is not a linear process' so I'm SLOWLY getting there I think 😂
Honestly, thankyou so much for your reply!!! I re-read it as I reply to each part and I just don't know what to say. Everything you said has been SO helpful and I can't thank you enough for taking the time out to respond to all of my questions, I really do appreciate it ❤
I love that you're able to kind of narrow it down and see your psych the same as your GP or dentist. I had never thought of it that way but I guess that's totally true. I have my last session of the year tomorrow with my psych before I head home for the break so have got her a card and some chocolates. I also got the same for the other psych that steps in when mine is away and also the guy that works on the desk cause he has helped me through a couple things when both my psychs were off sick and I just appreciate that he is totally normal and non-judgemental when I walk into the office. So I just wanted to somehow show them that even though I'm hard to work with I really am appreciative of their time!! I wasn't sure what to get or if I should so I posted on here a week or so ago and most people thought a card was best and then I felt weird just giving a card so am hoping they'll be able to accept chocolates.. SURELY!!! They've gotta be animals if they don't accept chocolate right..?!?! 😂
This stood out for me big time the first time I read it, and even moreso the second time: "Just remember that they can’t do their job if you’re not telling them everything". I hadn't thought of that before and think it's something I really needed to hear right now so thankyou. I think I'm even gonna write this one out and stick it on my wall or something as a little reminder, or maybe in my folder actually with all the homework stuff she gives me. I'm pretty great at keeping things hidden to myself and pretending everything is okay but that statement has made me really stop and think because I want my psych to be able to do her job and feel like she's getting somewhere with me and I guess that's not gonna happen unless I start to open up properly.. so thanks ❤ Your advice really is amazing!!
I do have one more question actually and then I'll try and hold off on the novels for a bit 🙃 But did you ever feel super overwhelmed with all the strategies and homework things your psych was giving you? Assuming that she was giving them to you? Like idk. I can't seem to keep up sometimes. I'm meant to have filled out some progress sheet thingos for tomorrow but between work and not being well I haven't had the time or energy and I feel so guilty. I tried to sit down and work on them tonight but my brain won't let me and after the day I've had it's just making me feel even worse. I've decided to just leave it because of how it's making me feel but I feel so guilty for not having it done!! Sometimes I just feel really stupid and pathetic for needing to even do them in the first place and then it's like my brain won't allow me to even try with it? Idk. Bit of a random one, I'm just scared to tell her tomorrow that I haven't done any of it this week because I don't want to let her down with all the effort she's putting in 😔 @Bee you might also have some advice on this idk.. you two are two of the greatest advice givers and if you haven't met and had a chat I think you should cause you both write and sound so similar! So full of insight and wisdom that you're willing to share with others so thankyou!! ❤
Thanks again for your message @Alison5 and taking the time to respond to my thousand and one questions!! 😂
Re: Not sure what to do
I’m pleased to hear that even one thing has been helpful.
Regarding the chocolates and cards, I think that’s a great idea and you’re right, who wouldn’t accept chocolate! 😂 And doesn’t everyone love to feel appreciated 👍🏼
I think just writing down that little phrase about letting the psych do her job is a good idea. It can help reinforce it until one day it will just be a habit to open up, knowing it’s for the best.
The homework! Yeah, I wasn’t a huge fan haha. It is often progress sheets or things you fill out everyday for a few weeks or similar. Honestly, yes, it is best to try and do them because I think they use them as sort of a piece of ‘hard evidence’. So they can keep it with their notes and maybe repeat that down the track and compare the two.
Their aim with this, is that you fill it out daily when that day has happened because they only speak to you once a week. And the day you see them, you may feel particularly down or better which could subconsciously make you overlook things from the other days in the week. I hope that sort of makes sense?
So basically, if you can push through and fill it out, even just really basically or briefly when you’re meant to (instead of all of it, the day before) that is best and it will help them do their job if you can complete it properly.
I did used to get very overwhelmed and thought it was stupid and I didn’t need it, but then I realised that people do their jobs differently, and clearly the homework is something they find helpful to have. And I also realised that I was overwhelmed because I wouldn’t do it and then get all anxious and feel bad and do it quickly right before the appointment or not at all. It’s exactly the same as studying - if you do a tiny bit each day, it is so much more manageable. Just set a time (mine was right before bed), to do that little bit and then by your next visit, the whole thing will be done!
You could start by telling her that you’re now going to try and break it down and do a little bit each day, but for this week, it got a bit overwhelming and you were busy.
@Bee is so great. Always helps everyone too! 💜
I apologise for my essays too haha. But do feel free to ask any other questions (Un-related if you like too. I’ve got experience in most aspects of MH hahaha).
Re: Not sure what to do
Hi @MB95 ,
It's really nice to hear from you, and please don't apologise if your reply isn't 100% positive! I really admire your honesty and openness on this forum
I also just wanted to acknowledge how awesome @Alison5 's support and shared experience is on this thread, it truly is so powerful to have experiences shared from people who have walked similar paths. It's a really generous thing to do- and like you said @MB95 ,it can be so inspiring to hear from others who've lived through it.
We're sorry to hear that today has been a challenging day for you - sometimes I like to think of practising new skills, like replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, like exercising a muscle. The more we do it, the easier it comes, and it's also important to be gentle with yourself. Nobody gets it right all of the time, developing new habits and new ways of thinking takes time, and that's OK. I'm so happy to hear that reading the messages here has been helpful - you should be proud of how well you are doing with your psychologist, and with uni and life in general! You show so much intelligence, insight and compassion in your responses here.
If it's something you want to explore later through study/ a career change, so many people change careers in their life - I wouldn't worry about people thinking poorly of you at all. Psychology in particular is a field that attracts a lot of people who've had other careers, personally I think that life experience is incredibly valuable, and there's so many mature age students returning to study at different stages of life. I saw an article about an 84 year old graduating with a PhD - it truly is never too late
Regarding attachment, my understanding is that sometimes attachment styles can be linked to past trauma, and it's really positive to hear that you have a trusting relationship with your psych and are able to work through those issues with them. I completely hear you when you say that it can be hard to completely open up about certain things - developing a good relationship with a mental health professional takes time, and trust, and it really sounds like you're making huge progress there. Having the courage to be vulnerable is a huge thing, and hopefully you can continue to develop that relationship.
You mention that you're exhausted, and want it all to end, that sounds very distressing, and I just wanted to check if you are safe at the moment?
Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here
Re: Not sure what to do
So as you know from my other thread @Alison5, I saw my psych yesterday for the last time before our 5wk break but guess what?! She accepted the chocolates which means she is not an animal! 😂😂 I could tell how appreciative they all were and was just so thankful they accepted them! I feel pretty stupid for getting so worked up and stressed about it now for no reason lol It was kinda weird giving it to her though, part of me also wanted to give her a massive hug (I'm quite the hugger) but then I realised that would probs be crossing some professional line but idk.. it was kind of weird and I got the impression she wanted to give me a hug too.. I didn't really know how to act so just left it. Have you ever given a psych a hug? And if so, how did they react?
Everything you said about the homework stuff totally makes sense.. as always with you!! 😊 I'm going to try my best to start being more on top of it. I think with uni and everything I was just far too overwhealmed so am going to try and use this holidays to catch up on everything she's given me and then start fresh next year by putting time aside each night like you suggested. Man, tomorrows job is going to be to re-read all of your messages and write down everything you've suggested so I can start implementing it for real!! I guess knowing that the homework will help her to do her job will help motivate me to do it because I didn't actually see it as being a tool for her. I just kinda saw it as being something to get me to think and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings which I already do everyday, I hadn't realised that it would help her so thanks for that insight!
When you say you have experience in most aspects of mental health do you mean through your own experiences or do you work/study in the field?
Re: Not sure what to do
Sorry I've taken my time to respond @Janine-RO, I've just been exhausted from work and trying to keep on top of my thoughts. I'm also finding it a bit overwhelming with everyones posts and support on here at the moment so trying my best to keep up and respond to all you amazing people! I also like to take the time out to respond properly and sometimes it can take me quite a while so just have to take breaks and work up the energy to do them
But to answer your question, I am safe. I was just mentally and physically exhausted when I wrote that sorry. I didn't mean anything serious by it, just wanted to stop feeling that way. My psych and I have plans in place for when things aren't great and I do go down that path so I kind of know what to do and who to contact. I promise I wouldn't post anything on here. I'd absolutely hate to feel helpless and not be able to do something to help someone so I would never put anyone on here in that position. We have a plan in place for when I'm feeling suicidal so it's all good. I know what to try and do in those times👍 But thankyou for checking, I do really appreciate it and am sorry if I caused any concern ❤
Thankyou so much for your kind words!! I had my last session of the year with my psych yesterday and it went so well!! I'm really hoping that next year is going to be the year for me where I can finally beat this. We talked about how I'm becoming alot more motivated lately to put myself in uncomfortable positions and how she can see me progressing, slowly, but still progressing. Yesterday I shared my uni results with her, my 2nd psych and the guy on the desk and their reactions just made me feel so supported and worthy. I was on such a high and every time I think about it now it just makes me smile. I feel like I finally have some people in my corner that are willing to truly help me and just some of the stuff they said to me yesterday made me realise that I really can trust them. I feel like my session with my psych yesterday just really confirmed she is there to help and it's safe for me to open up to her. It was such an amazing feeling!!! I know I'm going to struggle heaps opening up but I feel like I now know I can truly trust her and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders!! I don't even know why I'm rambling on about this sorry 😂 It's so off topic but I just feel amazing and so thankful to have her support 😊
As for studying psych, I am still really interested in it and have thought of swapping over next year but a few people have told me you need to get your PhD to become an actual psychologist? You can't just become one with a bachelors which means that's like 8yrs or something right? I'm just not good with sticking round in a place for long.. I'm struggling with 4yrs 😂
Thanks again for checking in and I am sorry if I caused any worry or concern but I'm all good!
Re: Not sure what to do
I’m so glad that your last session went well! And yes, chocolates was a great idea! <3
And I get you about the hugging. It can be weird to know, but I guess if you’re not sure, it’s probably best not to or if you're comfortable enough, you can just say “can I hug you goodbye?” Then you’ll know for sure.
When I left one of my psych’s for good, I did give them a hug (actually they gave me one), mind you, I’d seen her daily for a year so we were close I guess. I’m also not one for showing any affection so she was actually happy I did.
I can’t exactly remember, but I don’t think I did for one of the male’s I was seeing because I just thought he’d think that was weird (and I’m not a very young girl or anything). I think I just thanked him a lot and did mini bows and he shook my hand hahaha 😂 Awkward but also not really because he was nice and I think I managed to show him my appreciation.
I’ll be finishing up for good with this latest psych and I was actually wondering about getting him a gift with the card or if I shake his hand etc. So thanks for asking this, because now I can have a proper think! 🙏🏻 I might get him chocolates! 💜
But honestly, it’s just up to you what you feel like. But don’t beat yourself up over it. Like the gift ideas, it’s no big deal in the end 👍🏼
And yes, sorry, was not very clear on my experience side of things. Although it’s all from personal experience (ie I don’t strictly study it), I got so familiar with all the programs and therapy types etc. they used to get me to run the classes (esp. in group settings in hospital) 😂
I know that sounds really weird, and a bit sad now I think of it, but I had plenty of time to learn it all. 🤷🏼♀️😅
Re: Not sure what to do
Just gotta say I totally get the hugging thing. I'm the type of person who naturally goes to give hugs and have to remember not to when there is a doctor/counsellor/professional that I really appreciate. It's lovely that they accepted the chocolates though That would have made them feel nice.
How are you feeling today?
Re: Not sure what to do
@MB95(sorry it's taken me a while to respond, so many posts and it's just been overwhelming to read through all of them to see what I can add to help but this question is one I wanted to respond to )
Feeling overwhelmed with strategies and homework things from psych.
I have been here many times before, and sometimes I still end up in that space (like now for example). For me when I was doing lots of external homework for my psych sessions it was really hard to do them and practice the coping techniques and put the effort in. And I got to the point where mid one break down I really needed one of the techniques which I knew about but wasn't familiar with and my brain kind of went well you made this way harder than it had to be for yourself, and that experience kind of pushed me to practice a wider range or coping mechanisms. It helped me learn to cope with intense emotions and get through them safely.
One piece of advice I have is to pick the easiest one and try it, even if it's for a minute or two and that's all you can manage, then come back the next day or later that day if you're up to it, and try again. I found that working on one coping strategy/coping technique at a time, allowed my brain to store it in a place I could access and use when needed. And remember the old adage, "Rome wasn't built in a day" progress takes time
Edit: was going through my email tags and foud one I hadn't responded to which I thought I had. I had started than stopped... but here is my part response from your sag on sunday talking about showing things to your psych you've written...
haha I do the same thing, often rewrite things to condense them down, so very often I do it here, or else I’d be writing page long posts every single reply
My psych does read it all in the session if it’s something I’m handing her, if I’ve emailed it and she’s had time she will skim through to the important parts she wanted to ask ore about and will always ask what I want to talk more about in session. I used to feel really anxious about it, and if it’s something I struggle to talk about, sometimes I feel anxious, but that’s when I use breathing exercises, grounding techniques and my tangle. And my psych has gotten to know me now to know when I’m using them.
In regard to your psych reading them, I think the best thing is to ask her if your not sure whether she read the whole thing or skimmed it.
Feeling like you have no right to feel upset and depressed is such a hard feeling to overcome.
I have been there where I’ve felt like there is so much I wanted to share. For me what I have found beneficial for me is dot pointing everything down that I want to talk about and ordering them in order of most important at the top, that way I don’t try to avoid the stuff I really want to talk about, and often by the end of the session some of the bottom things I feel like they either get accidentally touched on, or I feel supported enough to leave them out or cope on my own.
Ps. sorry this is now a novel!
Remember you're amazing just as you are
Re: Not sure what to do
The first thing I want to acknowledge is how incredible it is that you were asked to run the therapy programs in hospital. I'm sorry but in absolutely no way is that weird or sad!!!! I think it's inspiring and a true reflection on what an amazing, strong, courageous, humble and caring person you are!!! Honestly, I could ramble on for days lol But seriously, that is something to be proud about so please don't ever feel you need to talk it down because I truly admire you for it. The fact that you were able to step up and lead others through your knowledge and experiences should be commended. Seriously, be proud!!! I find it's people who have lived through it themselves that make the real difference, not the ones with the piece of paper, because at least you can truly connect. Don't get me wrong, psychs are amazing too (like I couldn't fault mine) but I find I benefit just as much, if not more from talking to people such as yourself. So be proud in knowing you are helping change lives!!! ❤
Yeah I guess my anxiety just managed to turn it into a much bigger deal than what it actually was in the end lol I have decided that I'll give chocolates or something small each year for Christmas and then when we eventually finish up I'm gonna say screw it and just get her something nice because our relationship will be ending anyway. Speaking of which - when is your last session with your psych? If you feel like you want to get him something to go with the card I think chocolates is definately a safe bet! 😊 Please do keep me posted on what you decide and how it goes for you!!
Also, I was just wondering how you feel seeing a male psych being a female? Like do you find it different? I don't know, I just feel like I wouldn't have the confidence for it. And no way would I be able to give him a hug lol I always wonder what therapeutic relationships would be like with the opposite sex..
Re: Not sure what to do
I'm so glad you can relate!! I really am a hugger, espcially when someone does something nice for me I find it's a way I show my appreciation (within reason obviously - I don't just hug anyone lol).
Living alone in a new town the past year I've barely had or given a hug and it is killing me!! I smothered my mum in them when I went home during uni break and am going to smother her in them again over Christmas 😂 But there's been a few times in session with my psych where all I want is a hug and for someone to tell me everything will be okay.. I don't know. It's weird and I feel so stupid for it but honestly, some days I just wish she wasn't my psych so I could give her a hug and it not be so awkward!!!
I've been okay today, I'm just so exhausted so spent all morning and arvo in bed and then just went to work tonight. Was a bit of a nothing day but I'm just trying to get through these next few days before I go home! My mood is pretty low at the moment because I'm so exhausted and just feel so alone here, but 6 more sleeps and I'll be surrounded by my family so it's all good! They'll be driving me insane in no time 😂😂
Thank you for asking through, I really appreciate it ❤
How was your day? Did you get up to anything exciting?
Things to check out:
Check out our Weekly Wellbeing on Drawing Mental Boundaries!
We're having a week-long SlowMo Getting Real chat about managing money. We'd love to hear your insights!
Dr Joe is joining us this month to talk about Emotions. Send your questions through now!
Seen something awesome on the forums?