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TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hi everyone, I am kinda a little bit down right now maybe because I have exam tomorrow. 

I study psychology and I really really want to be a psychologist because my previous experience, and I am afraid of not getting to masters degree, so I am anxious right now. But I also find out that it seems like becoming a psychologist is everything to me, like I don't think I can live without it and it feels like i will lose the meaning of living in the world. So I am confused whether I actually recover from depression. 

Another thing that makes me confuse is that I find that I could almost never feel happy (or I don't know what is happiness?). For example, I feel satisfied when I help others, but I cannot feel happy ; I think my cat is cute when he does something dumb and makes me laugh, but I cannot feel happy.  

 

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hey @Macaria 

 

How are you feeling now? I hope you are doing okay Heart

I just want to first point out how insightful and self-aware you are- it's so important and you're doing so well on it! 

 

I can try to relate because I also study psych, and I didn't realise how challenging or competitive it was to become a clinical psychologist. It's a passion though, so I'm working towards it! 


What kinds of self-care do you like to do? 

From what I understand, you're feeling anxious and sad but you're unsure why you can't just feel happy. I think happiness is something that everybody tries to attain and it's not always a constant feeling. With pleasurable activities and little moments like your cute and funny cat (LOVE silly cats hehe), small moments of joy can mean the world. Maybe you could try writing a list of things you find pockets of joy in Heart

 

Good luck for your exam tomorrow!

 

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hey @Macaria, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down at the moment Smiley Sad Exams can really take it out of you. I also study psych! And I realised I'm not going to get into honours. But there are plenty of other pathways to support people as a mental health professional and other ways to get into a psych course if you don't at first- e.g. graduate dip? I think? I'm not sure where you're at in your degree?

I'm sorry you feel like you might lose the meaning you have for living if you don't make it to masters degree. Feeling lack of enjoyment or positive emotions can be another symptom of depression (you said you're suffering from this at the moment Smiley Sad ). It's something a lot of people struggle with so I hope you don't feel alone

Do you have any supports at the moment who you can talk about these feelings with?

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Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

I can really relate to how your feeling. I went through these same feeling your describing for about two years until about 4months ago. Becoming a psychologist meant so much to me it took over my whole life - no friends, no play, only work/study and stress can you relate to this? Also I'm so proud of you for acknowledging how you feel and reaching out to us. 

 

I suggest reaching out to your support system and going to the doctor this may be related to the dopamine/serotonin/endorphins or vitamin D levels in your body. A doctor can also refer you to see a mental health professional which may be more beneficial. medication may be able to provide a more quicker relief although this something is suggested to talk to your doctor about. In the mean-time try to increase the more positive habits into your life - apps can help with this and experiment with coping strategies to see what works best for you.

 

I also suggest creating a routine of tasks to keep busy that arent work and slowly finding joy or satisfaction outside of work and psychology. In addition, take time to rest and slowly increasing he positive habits or coping strategies. What helped was slowly piece by piece breaking down my thought pattern and really figuring out the underlying issues. This took a really long time and had the highest effect when I started to love myself. I also suggest doing research "happiness skills", what is happiness or how to find happiness. Doing research can help to make you feel more control. These links can be a good introduction to research on depression and happiness: 

https://au.reachout.com/articles/self-help-for-depression

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23924/the-brain-chemicals-that-make-you-happy-and-how-to-trigger-them...

https://youtu.be/hsPpaHbvfQs

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWn8QRqY8ySzda8EDZo6lxrJHjMSm3GZT

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLM3HOjpnxCzRun3bI8IsLyg8kP0LVLth9

 

Good luck on your exam. If you do one thing before your exam make it something that makes you laugh. I hope this makes you feel less alone and I know that it seems like this will take a while and truthfully it likely will because these thoughts and feelings are like second nature or so embedded. I hope that you feel happy again soon and your exam goes well.

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hi @ayrc_1904, thanks for your comment, yes I think I am trying many things that might make me feel happy, I do have some subtle positive feelings when I see my funny cat for example, but I'm confused about whether these feelings are happiness. I can easily detect my negative feelings but hard to detect the positives, maybe because those feelings are not strong.

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hi @lost_Space_Explorder5 and @A_Friend, thanks for your support, and I do have many friends support me Smiley Very Happy. I'm currently at the final day of my graduate diploma, but it's really hard to go to the masters degree because there are only several positions available.
I think I am afraid of losing the chance of becoming a psychologist is that there is no other things in world that really attracts me. I took antidepressants again since last year because of some incidents and it helps a lot, it stops me from wanting to commit suicide and having strong and long-term negative effects. I think my life is back to normal before the incidents and taking the medicine again, but I am thinking whether I am actually recover from it because it seems like I put all my hopes on becoming a psych. And although I do have some hobbies, but I would not recognise them as giving me the meaning to live, so I realise that something bad might happen if I continue thinking this way.

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

It is nice that you have many friends around you that support you @Macaria. Congratulations on making it to the end of your graduate diploma, that is a great achievement to be proud of. I can understand your concerns about the limited positions available to psychologists, would you be open to doing an internship pathway or the 5th year masters? It's so great that you have been managing your thoughts and symptoms with medication and that it has been helpful for you. You mentioned that you have some hobbies, do these hobbies help you feel a bit better when you are feeling stressed or upset? Would it be helpful to do some of these hobbies when you have these thoughts?

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hi @Sophia-RO, I do find those hobbies help with my stress. It is useful when I have time or during the break. But I think it is hard to have available time to do some interesting things when I am busy, like during the exam period or having an assessment. (And those are times that make me feel really stressed and anxious).
And yes I am planning to do the internship pathway or the 5th year masters if I cannot go to the 2-year masters, but I am keep thinking about it would be better to go to the 2-year program and that sometimes make me feel anxious.

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hey @Macaria just  checking in as yesterday seemed like a really tough day. How are you feeling this afternoon? 

Re: TW: depression and poor sensation?

Hey, @Macaria  I am glad to hear you have a good support system. I hope that you are feeling a bit better tonight. My advice as someone who has felt so similar to what you described is to find something else in your life that gives you meaning that does not add any stress to your life. Is there anything that you have found to alleviate your stress about things that are out of control once you have done your exams and everything? Could it help to work on changing your mindset once its out of your control and making a plan b or worst-case plan maybe finding or experimenting with potential other jobs or pathways that still involve counselling or your favourite part of psych which may alleviate some of the stress?