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TW: Don’t know what to do

I got really really drunk yesterday with my friend that I’m not really attracted to. It was all fine at first but when I was so drunk I was almost asleep she started making out with me and kissing my neck and touching me. I didn’t want it all to happen but I didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t think clearly in the state I was in. For a sec I thought maybe if I bit her tongue she’d leave me alone but I was scared she would throw me out of her house and I wouldn’t be able to find a way back home. I feel really uncomfortable, disgusted and anxious about what happened. Is there a way I could get over it?

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Re: Don’t know what to do

Hey @333 this sounds like a really difficult situation, I can definitely see how you feel anxious and uncomfortable about it. Alcohol can definitely heighten emotions and make people do things they wouldn’t normally do. Have you spoken to your friend since or told her how it made you feel? 

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Re: Don’t know what to do

That sounds like an awful situation to be in @333 Smiley Sad It sounds like you were quite drunk so you weren't able to consent what was happening? It makes sense that you would freeze up and not know what to do, that's a really common response Smiley Sad I'm really sorry this happened to you. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this? I think what you're feeling is really understandable. Also.. a lot of people who experience something like this begin to blame themselves for what happened, so I hope you know what happened wasn't your fault?

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Re: Don’t know what to do

hey @333

 

I just want to echo what @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and @Bingo1234 have written Heart it's definitely not your fault for any of this to have happened to you, and it's important to know that your friend is the one responsible for the situation. Regardless of how drunk a person is, it is always extremely important that they get your explicit consent before touching your body in any way. 

It makes sense that you would feel so so deeply uncomfortable, and I can completely understand why the situation prevented you from saying something in the moment. This sense of feeling frozen and unable to think clearly is really common when something stressful, scary, or deeply uncomfortable is happening to us. A lot of people who've had similar experiences to yours also often say they felt like they couldn't do anything in the moment. Again, I really, really want to underline that this isn't your fault at all Heart 

If you feel comfortable to do so, explaining to your friend what had happened last night, that you felt uncomfortable by it, and that you were extremely disappointed and disgusted by how they treated you, can help you re-assert your boundaries. It can also be a really good idea, regardless of if you message them or not, to take some space away from this person. Often when we are assaulted by people we trust, we can feel pressured (by both them, and ourselves) to just pretend that the assault never happened. It's really important to give yourself the space and kindness to acknowledge what had happened, and treat it seriously as something that made you feel uncomfortable, disgusted, and anxious. 

It's also a good idea to get in contact with some professional help to talk through what you experienced in more detail. 1800 Respect is an extremely good service, where you can talk to professional counsellors about sexual assault, who can help you work through some of what you're feeling, as well as point you in the direction of other supports. You're also always welcome to keep posting on the forum - we'll always be here to listen Heart Heart


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Re: Don’t know what to do

I haven’t yet but I’m definitely going to. I’m a little bit scared because I know it’s not going to be an easy conversation.
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Re: Don’t know what to do

@333 I agree it's not going to be an easy conversation Smiley Sad We're here if you want to talk through anything else. And remember there is no pressure to talk to your friend, immediately (if at all), it's up to you. It was really brave of you to reach out here, it can't have been an easy thing to confront those horrible feelings. I agree with @Andrea-RO, reaching out to professional help might be a good idea. I hear you're wanting to 'get over' what happened so some support might be helpful to process things. I hope you're not putting pressure on yourself to move on from what happened though. Remember what you're feeling is completely valid and it can be unhelpful to force ourselves to get over something. Although I feel like you might have meant get over it as in wishing it hadn't happened and that you could forget about it and not have all of these painful emotions Smiley Sad?
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Re: Don’t know what to do

Agreed with @Lost_Space_Explorer5 if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your friend about it now or ever that’s completely understandable. Something similar happened to me with a boy I was seeing and thought I trusted. I know how horrible it feels afterwards and that everyone copes with it so differently. Take your time and do whatever you feel is best for you ❤️

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Re: Don’t know what to do

I'm really sorry to hear something similar happened to you too @Bingo1234. Sadly these things are so common (but that doesn't make it okay) Smiley Sad Everyone certainly does cope with it differently, there is no right or wrong way to feel
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Re: Don’t know what to do

I’m trying to understand it’s not my fault but it’s hard. This forum really helps me. The only reason why I feel like it’s my fault is because I could’ve said no and I didn’t. Sure I said I’m too drunk and me falling asleep and vomiting could make that person think that perhaps I’m not in the right state for anything sexual but I just didn’t say a clear “No”.
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Re: Don’t know what to do

Giving consent is flat out saying yes and it sounds like you didn’t consent in this situation. Don’t feel at all like you’re in the wrong or to blame for what has happened