TW: Don’t know what to do
I got really really drunk yesterday with my friend that I’m not really attracted to. It was all fine at first but when I was so drunk I was almost asleep she started making out with me and kissing my neck and touching me. I didn’t want it all to happen but I didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t think clearly in the state I was in. For a sec I thought maybe if I bit her tongue she’d leave me alone but I was scared she would throw me out of her house and I wouldn’t be able to find a way back home. I feel really uncomfortable, disgusted and anxious about what happened. Is there a way I could get over it?
Comments
It’s okay. I’ve decided to call to that friend today and realized that it was not a good idea because it all came back and I started feeling bad again. So I’m not going to be contacting them ever again, for my own good.
It sounds like you’ve really thought about it and have come to a decision that works best for you. It’s so important to make sure you’re addressing your own needs. How are you feeling about it all?
Great!! I don’t know how I’m going to feel about it in the future but it’s great now. I’ve just been struggling with different problems for some time now. I’ve even been in mental hospital in the past few weeks and I’m still suicidal but that’s a different story. The point is that I’m scared that this situation doesn’t bother me that much at the moment because it’s only a small part of my current struggles and when those other things go away I’ll realise that it’s bigger and more traumatic than I thought.
It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time. I really don’t think you should be scared that the situation hasn’t concerned you as much as you think it should have. Just focus on yourself and what you need to do to make yourself feel a bit better ❤️
Hey @333 really good to hear you've made the decision to put yourself first and not contact this person again, what they did was really not ok and your wellbeing and safety is most important 
You said you're still suicidal at the moment, do you feel like you're getting enough support around these feelings? We are always here to talk through mental health stuff with you and support you to get the help you deserve.
It's understandable that you're worried that what happened might come back to you, it's hard sitting with that feeling and waiting for that. It's ok to take things one day at a time and focus on what is important to you right now.
hey @333,
I just want to echo what @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and @Bingo1234 have written it's definitely not your fault for any of this to have happened to you, and it's important to know that your friend is the one responsible for the situation. Regardless of how drunk a person is, it is always extremely important that they get your explicit consent before touching your body in any way.
It makes sense that you would feel so so deeply uncomfortable, and I can completely understand why the situation prevented you from saying something in the moment. This sense of feeling frozen and unable to think clearly is really common when something stressful, scary, or deeply uncomfortable is happening to us. A lot of people who've had similar experiences to yours also often say they felt like they couldn't do anything in the moment. Again, I really, really want to underline that this isn't your fault at all
If you feel comfortable to do so, explaining to your friend what had happened last night, that you felt uncomfortable by it, and that you were extremely disappointed and disgusted by how they treated you, can help you re-assert your boundaries. It can also be a really good idea, regardless of if you message them or not, to take some space away from this person. Often when we are assaulted by people we trust, we can feel pressured (by both them, and ourselves) to just pretend that the assault never happened. It's really important to give yourself the space and kindness to acknowledge what had happened, and treat it seriously as something that made you feel uncomfortable, disgusted, and anxious.
It's also a good idea to get in contact with some professional help to talk through what you experienced in more detail. 1800 Respect is an extremely good service, where you can talk to professional counsellors about sexual assault, who can help you work through some of what you're feeling, as well as point you in the direction of other supports. You're also always welcome to keep posting on the forum - we'll always be here to listen
That sounds like an awful situation to be in @333 😞 It sounds like you were quite drunk so you weren't able to consent what was happening? It makes sense that you would freeze up and not know what to do, that's a really common response 😞 I'm really sorry this happened to you. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this? I think what you're feeling is really understandable. Also.. a lot of people who experience something like this begin to blame themselves for what happened, so I hope you know what happened wasn't your fault?
Hey @333 I'm glad you're finding the forums supportive 🙂 I agree with @Bingo1234 consent means saying yes (when not feeling pressured or when under the influence- not saying anything does not equal consent). I found this cool infographic from kidshelpline, you don't have to check it out if you don't want to but I'll put it up just in case.
Hey @333 I just wanted to chime in to let you know that you did the right thing to talk about what happened. Also, to validate that saying - I'm too drunk, falling asleep and vomiting are all clear signs that you didn't give consent. It's a really yucky thing to come to terms with, so please let us know what you need to be supported through this. Your feelings are valid and you are safe here to talk through how this has made you feel. I'm just letting you know that I'm sending you an email, so keep an eye out for it. Lots of love to you right now
@333 wrote:
I’m trying to understand it’s not my fault but it’s hard.
It really is 
It can seem like such a simple point, but I spent months and months getting to know it as true when I was processing some similar things that I went through. For me the thing that really brought it home was internalizing that I deserve the kindness of being told what happened wasn't my fault. Once I had that in mind I started reassuring myself of that, and that helped me a lot to believe it.
I'm sure with the right support you'll find a way to be okay again, and there's nothing wrong with being not okay for as long as you need to be
Giving consent is flat out saying yes and it sounds like you didn’t consent in this situation. Don’t feel at all like you’re in the wrong or to blame for what has happened
Hey @333 this sounds like a really difficult situation, I can definitely see how you feel anxious and uncomfortable about it. Alcohol can definitely heighten emotions and make people do things they wouldn’t normally do. Have you spoken to your friend since or told her how it made you feel?
Agreed with @Lost_Space_Explorer5 if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your friend about it now or ever that’s completely understandable. Something similar happened to me with a boy I was seeing and thought I trusted. I know how horrible it feels afterwards and that everyone copes with it so differently. Take your time and do whatever you feel is best for you ❤️
