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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf This was the first person to be legally recognised as non-binary in the US, but now he’s gone back to living as male. He’s said a few things that have made me uncomfortable that kind of look transphobic to me.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS oof...

 

Hmm... one thing that helps me after reading stuff like that is to also read something affirming.

 

Do you know of anything that might work?

If not I can link you to an article written by a trans guy whose stuff I've personally found really good to read if you want. 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] TW: reference to suicidal thoughts

 

Also has some other stuff I wanted to talk about. I was feeling really bad the other day about being trans and being the main fronter of this system. I thought of some stuff that got J quite worried about me, like I wished that I could be replaced and be inactive for however long so I wouldn’t have to deal with dysphoria, coming out to people, being in a body that I hate, having to deal with our mum talking about how we “were” as male and how we are as female as two different people (which kind of hurts because I don’t think I used to be male as much as I thought). The whole replacement thing was a substitute for wanting to kill myself, but J was worried and tried to calm me down.

 

It’s hard dealing with all of that when I’m also trying to help seven other people I share a body with when sometimes I don’t understand how to help. J ended up talking to our KHL counsellor then (briefly, on a chat with me) and she told him I was overworking myself with everything with trans stuff and stuff going on within our system.

 

If the replacement hypothetical was anywhere near realistic anyway, I don’t think anyone in the system would want me gone, but I’m kind of sick about dealing with and worrying about all of this.

 

I wish this wasn’t so hard, and I wish that I didn’t have this body. At least as part of a system I don’t have to think of it as exclusively mine, but it kind of also bothers me when other system members accidentally refer to it as mine even after all of this time. I hate being associated with it. I just want to be who I am and have the outside reflect who I am.

 

Also, I’m having issues with being advised about following gender stereotypes from our mum too. I’m also kind of bothered that in response to one of my questions, I was asked, “Aren’t you going to become a stereotype?” I just want to be allowed to be me as much as I can while preserving the image that the system is one person.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf No, I don’t know of any. Yes please.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

 

Okay, so I've found three:

 

Maybe Being Transgender Wasn't a Mistake (I love this one)

When Your Violin is Supposed to be a Cello 

 

And something of his that I personally find quite funny:

Breaking: Local Resident Comes Out as Non-Binary, World Doesn't End

 

Just a warning if you look into his other stuff, he's also a mental health advocate with lived experience, so some of his writing is really raw and might be triggering.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Thank you @Tiny_leaf 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS that sounds really difficult...

 

Did you want to brainstorm some ideas for dealing with the dysphoria now?

I know it won't fix everything but it might at least take some of the weight from you.

 

Is it possible for you all to assign different jobs to different people within your system?

Like maybe a couple of you could focus more on school stuff, a couple on transitioning, someone on coming out, ect.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf I’m not sure what would help with dysphoria rn except for maybe going to sleep.

 

That sounds like it could be helpful, however I could see some of those jobs overlapping a bit. Still, that might help.

 

Also nearly forgot, but it’s S’ birthday.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

 

Hopefully it takes off some pressure at least..

 

And happy birthday S!!

Image result for happy birthday gif

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[S] Thanks @Tiny_leaf. Mine is the last system birthday for quite a while (minus R’s/the body’s).

 

[R] Adding to S’ post so this doesn’t look like we’re spamming the thread, but I had some ideas for potential system jobs. If everyone was to be involved (and I haven’t discussed this with anyone else yet), but I was thinking four jobs with two members in each: two to manage social transition, two for medical transition, two for school/academic stuff, and two to fill in for the other roles if it becomes too difficult for the others. Idk, just some ideas.