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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Bre-RO I'm doing good. Haven't talked to anyone else in the system today (which is probably a good idea for me to do at some point). Still took a few hours to get to sleep last night. This psychologist's went pretty well, but I was pretty dysphoric afterwards so I had to postpone having our friend come over until next week. I've spent most of today trying to code some stuff for an RPG battle system (which after nearly two and a half years I've finally figured out how to go about doing it), but it's quite difficult and time-consuming. Our mum also told the parents of a few friends that I'm trans, and apparently a friend of one of those friends is a trans girl I saw on a TV program a few months ago. And the friend of ours (Friend 1) who knows that person, along with two other friends (Friends 2 and 3) who now know we're trans, and one who doesn't (Friend 4), I'm going to be seeing tomorrow at Friend 1's house. Hopefully those last few sentences made sense.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Just got a nice message from both Friends 2 and 3 Smiley Happy

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS Good to hear you're doing well R! 

 

Something I've noticed, is that you're all good at finding ways to cope when dysphoria kicks in. I think it's great that you're able to know when you need to cancel plans and do something else Smiley Happy 

 

Also, it's awesome to hear that more and more people in your life are coming to know your identity. It's heart-warming to hear that your friends are supportive Heart 

 

 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Thanks @Bre-RO 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Just got some great news! Our appointment for our hair extensions just got moved a whole week earlier since our Melbourne trip was cancelled! That means there’s just under a week until we get them! Smiley Very Happy

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS that's amazing!!! I'm so excited for you!!

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Thanks @Tiny_leaf  

 

Tonight’s not going great. Last night A got upset at me for something I did, which contributed at the start (which she admits she overreacted a bit too, and everything’s okay now).

 

I was talking to our KHL counsellor about a friend who is coming over on Monday (not sure if I’ve already mentioned her in this thread, but she used to know Genevieve) and coming out to her, and I just got in a really bad place that I found it hard to calm down from, and then our counsellor suggested getting A up, and she helped out a bit.

 

I think I mentioned I was going to see a few friends on Thursday, and one of them (Friend 4 in that post) is a friend of someone in our grade at school, so I want the friend coming over to be able to know before hearing it from gossip.

 

I don’t think I can do this, and now I’m half feeling suicidal and half feeling like I should just go inactive and stay inactive for however long because I hate myself and I can’t deal with this stuff. I don’t think I’ll do anything to hurt our body but I just feel like crap and I don’t want to exist.

 

Since our bedroom has a bed desk (so the bed is not up against the back wall), I’ve not got myself stuck between the bed, the wall, and two laundry hampers on either side of me, so I should probably get out and go to sleep or something, but idk if I want to, or what I even want to do.

 

It also sucks that I can’t speak up if I’m feeling awful, and I just can’t do it. I’m just not feeling great tonight, and I’m not looking forward to trying to figure out a cover story for our parents tomorrow morning (one of which thinks it’s our KHL counsellor’s fault that I’m like this).

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS 

 

It sounds like you were feeling pretty awful last night. Thank you for confirming safety Heart. If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean when you say make yourself inactive? Do you mean make R inactive? 

 

It sounds like you're struggling to come out to your friends, which is completely understandable. It can be a really daunting experience. I commend the bravery you've displayed throughout this so far. It's okay to have moments of weakness. Try to be kind to yourself. It is okay that you are feeling this way. 

 

How're you feeling this morning?

 

Also, I'm not sure who Genevieve is, but if it is the real name of a person, could you please edit it to a fake name so that your post is in line with our community guidelines. If you do have to edit it, then I'll edit their name out of my post so that my post is also in line with our guidelines, haha. 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Maddy-RO I meant make me (R) inactive. I'm feeling a bit better this morning, but I'm still worried about tomorrow. Our mum is going to tell the friend who knows Genevieve's mum that we're trans, and then this friend's mum will relay it to our friend.

 

Genevieve is a trans friend of ours that I came out to a few weeks ago, and that I've mentioned a few times before. And it's a fake name.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

 @SomeoneNADJS


Hi R,

 

We will be around today if you need someone to talk to Heart It sounds like today is a big day for you. Will Genevieve and your Mum be around today to offer you support too?

 

Sending our thoughts your way today! Heart

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