cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

I am safe if you're reading this!

 

So I just got banned from doing the exercise/sports that I do every week. My gp said to not do sport. I really am going to get fat. I'm already overweight, and me losing my exercises will just ruin me. I won't be as happy as normal. I can only do the instrumental music and art kind of things that I like. No sport or gym. I've already been trying to watch my diet, like eating salads and homemade foods. Even quitting sugar. I mean, I have natural sugars, and the sugar from my Iced Coffee and weekly Ice-cream. I don't understand why this is happening to me. I just want to do what I love, which is exercise, more than anything, without all the trouble of my health.

It's just so hard. Why does my health have to do this to me? It's not fair.Smiley Sad

I just want to be normal. Especially since my heart is unusually formed. But that's the only reason. I'm just messed up. And fat. And sick.
All I have to do is not play sport until I see a Cardiologist. But why. I just want all of this to be forgotten. Just to not have any more appointments. With anyone. Life is just too hard.

 

I need help, and I have no way of getting it.

 

All I need, is to be vulnerable right now. But I'm lonely. I have no one.

 

Because I don't deserve help. No one at school cares about me in some of my classes, and now I'm feeling even more alone than ever. I even end up without a partner in all my classes.

 

I just feel so alone. My guidance counsellor is far too busy for me too. Is there really any point in trying to seek help? I'll just get rejected every time.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Thank you for reading my piece of bs.

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm siick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx,

 

I'm really glad to hear you're safe, although I'm so sorry to hear how tough things are right now. I can only imagine how awful it would feel to be told you can't play sport, especially due to something you can't control. When do you see the cardiologist?

 

We haven't chatted much on the forums before, so I'm sorry if you've answered this question before, but what type of supports do you have outside of the forums? Would it be possible to mention to your guidance counsellor that you've had some bad news and would like to speak to them?

 

While different to what you're going through, last year, I had a pretty nasty injury and was told I couldn't elevate my heart rate above a certain point during my recovery which really sucked, as like you, I love sport! Although one thing I could do was go on walks, which was a really helpful way to be outside and active without risking my health. Do you know if there is anything physical you can do that won't jeopardise your health?

 

Being vulnerable like you have tonight takes so much strength and courage, I really admire you for that @xXLexi_Lou122Xx. I know sometimes it can feel so difficult to reach out for help and when we do it sometimes isn't received as we would like, which really hurts. But it is 100% worth it and you are 100% worth it.

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm siick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @Sunflower18.

I don't actually know yet. The appointment is still impending.

That's okay, we haven't really seen much of each other. Yes, I do have a counsellor, but she is way too busy to see me. But I'll explain my newest situation about it after I answer your questions and suggestions.
I have already tried KHL and eHeadspace, but they never helped. They just suggested the same things over again. I used to have a psychologist too, but she went on maternity leave 2 (I think it was 2, maybe only 1...) years ago. And then the clinic she worked at closed down while she was on leave. So now I'm alone. I also used to have 2 mentors, but they decided that I wasn't good enough last year, and mentored other girls. Then left the country. Smiley Sad

I never really liked walking. I can do more of it now, but I don't. It has to be like a game or something for me to enjoy it. I like the gym too, because there are some boys and a girl who knows how to make it fun.
Apart from walking and using the adult sized monkey bars my siblings and I have, I can't do anything. I'm too big for the trampoline, so that's out of the question. And so is swimming until it gets warm enough for my liking.

Thank you. I've been admired for it before, but right now I can actually feel it.

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm siick to the death of all these appointments.

My post was gonna get too long if I didn't make another one, so here's my situation with my guidance counsellor.

I had a mental breakdown in Math today, which was first up on my timetable. Nobody was listening, and I was trying to get work done. But I couldn't do that, because my teacher was chasing up behaviour. I started crying as discreetly as I could, but somehow another girl saw me shaking the way girls do when we cry. She said that out loud, and My teacher sent me out in the corridor for the lesson. So that I could be alone to cry.

At the end of the lesson, the teacher came out and asked if I was okay. I said yes, but I was just sick to the death of nobody listening, because I want to do my work. She then asked if I had someone to talk to. I said no, but that was a lie.

Like I said before, My guidance counsellor doesn't have time for me. So my teacher rang my mum. She told my mum what happened, and that she put in a referral to see my counsellor. Or the other one that I don't really know, but oh well.

So that's my current situation...
And the fact that I'm feeling worthless and fat. Because I can't play sport.

I just don't know what to do anymore. These two posts took a lot of effort to type. Just coming online was an effort. But that's possibly because I still can't sleep at night.

*Big Sigh*

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm siick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx

 

I hope you hear back about the cardiologist appointment soon!

 

Sorry to hear some of your supports have left lately, that's tough. You mentioned your math teacher called your mum and referred you to the counsellor, how do you feel about that? Is your mum somebody you can talk to about how you're feeling?

 

I also just wanted to say that you're definitely not worthless or fat. I've seen you constantly offer amazing support to other users and it sounds like you've got some amazing musical ability! Would you consider spending more time on your art and musical talents to take your mind off the sport until you see the cardiologist?

 

 

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @Sunflower18,
Yeah, I hope so too.

I kinda wish she didn't, because moving to a different Math class would be a whole lot better.
I think I just need to move, because I'm not getting better grades. I really don't think I need anyone to talk to, but I've already been referred to one.

My mum is good, but I can't rely on her all the time. Especially when she gives me suggestions I know don't work.

I don't really know. I want to exercise more than anything, but I can't. My talents are already being fulfilled, by me doing them at school. But now I'll be bored if I don't have sport...

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  

 

How are you feeling today? Hope there's something nice you can do over the weekend to treat yourself. Do you have any plans? Heart 

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @Bre-RO .

Yes, I’m really grieving my ban from sport, but I have to put up with it.

 

Sadly, no there is not. I can’t do much, because my house is so boring. And cold.

But I am going to youth group tonight. As long as I don’t cry, I won’t look like an attention seeker. I’ve cried the last few times already, so I have to keep my emotions under control. I’m going to do the complete opposite to what @Tiny_leaf said to do, and put a complete mask on. I’ll just try to have fun and ignore my problems completely.

 

But I’ll be okay. I just can’t be vulnerable tonight. Even though I need to...

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, thank you so much for taking the time and making the effort to post on the forums. I'm getting the sense that it was really tough for you to do that, and I'm so glad that you did Smiley Happy

 

Sorry to hear about your ban from sport - I can only imagine how frustrating that must be Smiley Sad

 

It's great to hear that you're going to youth group tonight. You mentioned that you've cried there before, and going into it with the intention of bottling up your emotions sounds super exhausting. I'm wondering what kind of support you've received at youth group before?

  

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @letitgo.
Thanks.

Yeah, my ban is super frustrating.

I don’t even know if I want to go anymore. I have assignments to get done, and I don’t really have anyone who I can hang out with. I’m mostly on my own anyway. And I was just told that I’m not needed for the youth group band tonight. I would’ve been singing, but it doesn’t help that I can’t do something else that I love.

I feel like everything is turning against me.

No, I don’t have anyone there I could get support from, at least, not in the way I need.
This is a relatively new youth group for me, and like I said in my other thread, my one person doesn’t go as often anymore. I haven’t even got friends that can be with me. The people I already know, have their own group of friends. So yeah... 😢