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Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx! Tie-dying is so much fun! There used to be a shop many years ago in my local shopping centre where you could make cheap customised bracelets with beads. I miss it a lot.

I'm sorry that your ex BFF has been saying mean things and hurting your feelings. Smiley Sad I think this kind of behaviour makes it clear why she's an ex friend. It's her loss, because you're an awesome friend and person. I'm sure you'll make lots of friends in the future who will hopefully treat you better.

I hope you can get some rest and feel better tomorrow. Heart

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

It sounds like things are hitting you at all angles at the moment and that its all really wearing you down. I'm sorry you feel so alone right now and feel like no one is reaching out to you. Is there someone specific you could ask for help from? Or at least someone special you can spend some quality time with while you are struggling right now?

P.S... Pistachios are an interesting suggestion! I wonder how they work to help you sleep, must be something to do with the healthy fats in them maybe?

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Thank you @WheresMySquishy.
I bet she feels really bad, and jealous of me, so that's why she does it. My mum emailed my year co last night, so hopefully he's seen it.

Yes, Tie-dying is awesome. Especially when you get to do it in your own way!

Well, I rested, but I don't think it was enough. Something is up with my body, because I haven't been sleeping properly, and now it starts randomly hurting. Not to mention that I busted my knee during gym. No, I have not been following my gp's orders. I don't have to, and I've been fine. At least, I haven't had any spells or episodes...

@TOM-RO,
Yup! Everything is flinging itself at me. I'm worn down like sand paper to wood.
I don't really know of anyone I can talk to, and it's not helping my situation. Well, not having anyone isn't helping. And my family is busy. I have to babysit my youngest two siblings, because the other 4 members, including my parents, are going to a school event. I would go, but I would get bored. Even if it was to eat food the entire time.

Yeah, they are. My mum saw a post on Facebook, saying that pistachios help sleep, but I don't know if that's true or not. Oh well. I like pistachios anyway.
Maybe. Good fats are good anyway, right?

On the up side, I have a caring boyfriend who makes sure that I'm okay at school. We only just started dating yesterday, and he is so kind. Even when he's playing tiggy.

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

Very interesting on the pistachio idea I will have to try it out! I hear how hard things are right now, you must be so tired from everything. Looking after kids, even if they are siblings, is a big responsibility. Your parents must trust you a lot Smiley Happy Its really admirable that you are still able to see the good in the situation. Your boyfriend sounds like a really good support. You deserve someone kind Heart

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Yeah it is @TOM-RO. It hasn't been helping much at all, and my mum just bought a whole bag of them... It's a good thing I like them Smiley Happy.

I know right? I'm definitely tired from everything, especially when I've had 3 weeks of not enough sleep. Siblings are so tiring, especially when they're little 4 and 6 year olds. at least I only had the two of them, and they didn't do much. I just let them watch tv, and they were fine. I just had to shower one of them, and we were good.

Yup. They probably do. Except that I nearly burnt the house down....
I put too much baking paper on one of the trays of pizza, and the open grill thingiemabob was touching it. It caught fire, and so I was lucky that My parents were there to help. They were literally just about to walk out the door, until my dad smelled something different.

Yeah, I love him, and he loves me.
He isn't the same as a person I could hold on to physically and cry, because I don't normally cry at school, unless it's something overly upsetting.

This afternoon, I'm going to go and paint at my siblings primary school. I think there's a wall that needs painting or something. So I have more self-care planned this afternoon Smiley Happy.

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  Smiley Happy

I'm really sorry that you were banned from playing sport, and that things at school have been pretty average. It's great to hear your boyfriend is so kind, and that you have some self-care planned this afternoon. Let us know how everything goes with the painting and self-care Smiley Happy

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Thanks @JanaG.
I'm glad I have him too.
Painting was okay, but I only painted one thing. But then I went to pick up my sister from school, as she just got back from the Ekka sheep show. I got to help the sheep team lead the sheep to their pen. We're going to have some more baby lambs soon! 5 were born last week, but one died from being unhealthy. Hopefully another couple have been born today!

I can't wait for them to be old enough for us to pat them and cuddle them. They even have their tails still!

I'm having homemade pizza at my grandparents house tonight, which will be good. And dessert, but I've been a little bit naughty this week, and had more sugar than I should have. Lol.

I had this weird dream last night, about me collapsing (still conscious) in the gym at break. My gym teacher was there, and so was my friend in year 11, studying to be a Personal Trainer. That teacher, helped me onto the bleachers of the gym, but I passed out onto the floor again anyway. Then they both freaked out, and called an ambulance. The admin was told, and any other needed people, but I feel like it's going to happen in real life. Every other time I passed out, I've dreamt it would happen first. Almost like I'm predicting my future.

I don't want to live that dream. And I'm already sick. I'm a little scared now. Plus my extreme exhaustion. If I keep going with terrible sleep, that's probably what's going to happen... But I can't sleep. My body won't let itself rest. I'm asleep, but my body isn't.

But I'll be okay. I know I will be. Hopefully. I just need more relaxed sleep. Which my body won't give me...

*Sigh*
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Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

Ah.. dreams can be so strange and they can also leave us feeling weird throughout the day. I hope you were able to shake the feelings you had after your dream and have a nice, normal day at school. How was pizza at your grandparents? Smiley Happy

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

Haha, nope. I still feel that weirdness, and it only gets worse, knowing that I'll end up having a burnout sometime soon. Especially with the lack of sleep, my health problems, and the added stress of assignments and exams. And siblings.

Pizza was awesome! If I have the right ingredients, I can make a very filling and tasty pizza suited for my tastes. Smiley Happy

Re: TW: I just want to be vulnerable right now. I'm sick to the death of all these appointments.

*Sigh*

I just feel so worthless right now.

My health is making me think about what may happen to fix my condition, and the past times I have passed out. On top of that, I can't stay asleep. On top of that, I have a decision to make. And on top of THAT, I have my assignment draft to finish...

I'm stressed, my body is sleepy, my body is awake, everything is weird with me, and now I just want all that horrible stuff going on with me to go away. My stupid siblings aren't helping...

*Sigh*

Just another day in the life of Lexi...

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be vulnerable with someone? Why can't I just have a little good happen to me? Even if it's just a little bit of good news. Even if it's me getting to sleep and staying that way. Even if it's my condition getting better overnight. Or just my siblings leaving me alone. Anything good that happens will make me feel that little bit better.

I am safe.