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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Awh Lexi I didn’t see this last page of your thread.. I’m so sorry you feel left out. I am so incredibly sorry. I wish I saw your thread but when you make a new one, I don’t get notifications so please please tag me 😣

You are so much help to me! I love talking to you, you are an absolute shine of light during all of my dark moments. I missed talking to you because when I talk to you, I feel like not giving up. I love your advice! Please don’t feel like you are anything less than my best friend Heart it is true, you are my best friend. I may not be yours but you are the most loving, supportive person I have in my life and one of the only people that have stuck by my side. I want to do the same for you Heart

I feel so guilty for making you feel so alone while not seeing your thread.. I don’t go on the ‘somethings not right’ page where it’s for everyone’s threads. I only do that when I feel like I’m having a good day. Other times I just go through my notifications. Could you ask @Jess1-RO to pop a link to your new thread at the end of your old ones when you’re done with them? She does that for me Smiley Happy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Also last thing, don’t feel pressured to reply to all my post. I know it’s long and I personally find it hard to reply to people’s posts when there are quite a few or when they are long while I’m struggling. I just wanted to get my word to you and let you know I’m here and also make up for all I missed Smiley Sad Heart
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

It's okay @Andrea-RO. It's not your fault that its been so busy lately.

Thank you. I know reachout is always here, but sometimes I feel like I have no one. I know it's been busy, but a lot of the time, there's no one looking at my threads. It takes a few days to get responses and support for me. Everyone else doesn't seem to notice me. And this was before the virus. But oh well. I can't control it, and it's not my fault that so many more people are in more dark places than me.

I know you guys are all busy now, but I'm just stating that I feel like everyone else has more importance above me. Please don't tell me anything like that. Because I know. some people just don't understand that I know most things logical. I'm not 2.

But thank you anyway, I really do appreciate the work you all do here.Smiley Happy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Bananatime04 It's not your fault, I know that none of you here would do that. Smiley Happy
That would be nice, I hope it happens!

I have seen so many people like that, and that is what has made me have these trust issues. I ca't even open up to my leaders, because of it, and the fact that I feel like a burden.

I already know of signs of toxic relationships, I just find a way to leave the toxic person eventually. But thank you for the offer. Smiley Happy

I don't think it would help really, but only because I'll never be able to let my guard down irl. I don't want to hear things that will hurt me, if I do. and that always happens. Even with my leaders. They keep telling me the same things, over and over again. But I tell them that I don't believe what they tell me, every time. They don't listen or understand me. but oh well.

Yeah, I made a friend, and we do share the same name. Obviously our real names aren't stated here, but our names are what brought us together. Smiley Happy Funny, right?

I had a look at the journal thingie, and it looks pretty cool. I just don't know if I can get it. But I am an introvert! Smiley Happy

I would talk to a GP, but my parents would never allow me to talk to one alone. I trust my family GP, but she is a little hard to understand sometimes as well. I just can't talk to one. I'm not going to open up to one either. As much as it might be helpful to you, I just can't. It's too hard me to organise and start doing. But thank you for suggesting it, if I could talk to one, I would try to. Smiley Happy

I know, I should tell my mum too, but I don't want her to worry about me. I just hope that one day, I can wake up, and it will have just been in the past, nothing more. I just need to stop thinking negatively. but it will definitely take time. I won't tell my parents, I just can't break their hearts by telling them how I feel about myself..

We can definitely come up with ways to replace it. I have some ideas already, but they haven't helped at all..

I honestly didn't want to tag you, because I knew you were going through a tough phase at the time. I was scared that you would get even more triggered, and I didn't want that. But I guess you've already seen it, so it doesn't matter now, does it..?

It was meant to have good intentions, I know it did. My leader sent it to me, and I haven't said anything to that leader about it yet either. I don't want to. It will hurt even more if I do.But it's okay. I'm okay from it now. I don't agree with the text anyway, so it doesn't affect me as it did before.

hehe, I can be a bit immature sometimes... Smiley Very Happy
But seriously, thank you. I have been told that I have more maturity than most people my age. Smiley Happy

I know that they are required by law to speak to others about harmful situations and stuff, but again, I'm not going to open up to anyone else about it. I've told one person irl, and she is someone who has done sh before, but gotten over it with professional help, and I've said it here. I won't get help anywhere else about it, because I know that it wont help. I've tried to explain it to counsellors and other staff like that, but they brush it off like it's nothing. So I gave up on telling them. I'll tell them one day, but not in this time.

Aww, thank you! I have always had a way with words, and that's another example there! Smiley Happy

I know that you are not a fake friend, and I will not be one either. I guess all I can do now, is reach out when I need to. I can't just bottle everything up. But sometimes I will. Its only natural to do it.

Lol, all good. Its a bit tricky to catch up on a months worth of posts!
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

It's not your fault @Bananatime04, it was my fault for thinking that. You and Tiny_leaf are much better at supporting each other, because you have both been through tougher times than I have. That's why I felt left out a bit. It's nothing to do with your journey or anything. it's just my feelings.

Aww, thank you! You are definitely my best friend, and so is Tiny_leaf. I couldn't ask for better friends, ever!

I could ask for that, but I don't ant them to feel pressured to do it. I'll tag you from now on, because it's easier to do that. Smiley Happy

Lol, I just did Smiley Very Happy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

OMG it's the admin army again! Smiley Tongue
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Haha @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  all I imagine when you say this is a minion army....

 

Minions GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

I watched Despicable Me with my kids on the weekend so I must have minions on the brain Smiley Wink 

 

How are you feeling today? 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Well @xXLexi_Lou122Xx I’m here now! Smiley Happy
I’m glad you still have your friend, Lexi!

I wish I could buy the book for you but I can’t send it without knowing where it’s going Smiley Tongue

Okay so let’s come up with some alternatives! Firstly, we need to identify the reason for your sh. Some people do it for punishment, distraction, cry for help and a release of pain/feelings.. are you aware of the reason for your self harm? If we know the reason for it, it’s easier to find some alternatives that will help your situation Smiley Happy

I think we can all be immature sometimes! Smiley Tongue

Remember, if you need any extra support Nikki is always an option Heart
I’m proud of you for noticing that bottling things up won’t help Smiley Happy

Yes, Tiny_leaf is also one of my best friends Smiley Happy you two are probably the best people I have in my life!

I understand how you might feel left out and I’m so sorry! I will try my best to talk to you more, you just need to tag me where you need me. When someone has been through the same things as you, it’s easier to offer support with that understanding Smiley Happy that’s why Tiny_leaf and I may have a good level of support. It’s only with situations I have been through, that I can offer my best advice. Like for example you would be able to offer far better advice for fainting, stress management and things you have been through. No ones journey is the same but sometimes there are the same struggles someone has faced. It doesn’t mean we are better at offering support! We all have our own ways Smiley Happy

How are you feeling today?
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Janine-RO Lol!

I could be better today...
My whole body is shaking again, and I'm really dizzy. I'm probably having one of my episodes again.. Smiley Indifferent

otherwise, i'm okay. Just tired and doing schoolwork. Smiley Happy
I've been bingeing on brooklyn 99 after the little 2 kids are going to bed... Smiley Tongue
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Brooklyn 99 is the bomb! So good Smiley Happy what are you up to?