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Thinking about self harm

With everything going on in my family at the moment, every night before I go to bed I think about self harm and how much I just want to forget about everything that's going on. I'm sick of going back to the doctors and hearing the same thing over and over again. I'm sick of going through tests and treatments and hearing I'm sorry we can't do much.
What is the point in going through all this shit if in the end it's not working.

I'm over it and I want the pain and struggle to be over..

- these are just thoughts and nothing more
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 05-02-2016 08:45 PM

Comments

 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 06-02-2016 10:31 PM
@Chessca_H
I just sent her a message seeing if she was okay because I do know she has some things going on but she won't tell me what and all she said was I need space I have things going on take care..

I just don't feel strong enough to go through this.
Everything seems to be happening at once..
My ex boyfriend keeps messaging me to meet up with him for a coffee and I have so many emotions going through my mind I don't know what to do I'm over it!!!
 
 
ElleBelle
ElleBellePosted 07-02-2016 08:59 PM

Sorry to hear that your friend is a bit overwhelmed herself at the moment @Talitha93. At this point, I think all you can do is let her know that you're thinking of her and will be there to support her the way she has supported you, since you know how comforting it can be to have a friend there for you in difficult times.

 

Please know that you don't have to go through this alone. There are professional services, like Lifeline and Livewire, who will be there to support you emotionally. We'd love to help you work towards getting in touch with them. Many of us here have been anxious about contacting support services, and can share how they overcame (or are in the process of overcoming) those hesitations.

 
 
 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 09-02-2016 08:04 PM

@ElleBelle 

it sucks that there is nothing that I can do to help her and it sucks that I can't talk to her, I feel that she doesn't want to speak to me about what is going on anymore. I haven't spoken to her for a few days and it's killing me, I just want to message her but I know that if she wanted to talk to me she would. I, so lost right now sooo much is going on and I don't know what the hell to do... 

 

I I looked on the live wire but I couldn't bring myself to talking or even ,paving from the home page, it was like I was frozen. 

I am so scared about everything.. I get my tests results back on Friday and I just know that nothing would have changed 

 
 
 
 
Ben-RO
Ben-ROPosted 10-02-2016 10:58 AM

Hey @Talitha93

 

It's okay to not click through to Livewire right away, it doesn't mean you have to never click again though. The people who work at Livewire are super welcomming and friendly. To join up you'll speak with a lady called Arielle and she's ridiculously nice and friendly and probably one of the best people i have met :). When you're ready, can you have another go?

 

And with your friend, it seems to me like the thoughts and feelings you are having about wanting to have that connection with them, and not feeling able, are really quite intense. Sometimes the best thing you can do when you're feeling intense emotions like that is to distract or re-direct yourself a little. I would like you to read through this thread and pick 3 things you can do and are willing to try out ASAP. Let me know which ones! 🙂

 

 

Once you have had a crack at them, i want to know how you're doing and then talk about some other things that might help 🙂

 

 
 
 
 
 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 10-02-2016 07:56 PM

Hey @Ben-RO 

 

I feel so anry at myself for not being able to click on the site to have a look at it. Its not about them being super welcoming or anything its just this fear I have of talking to councellors.. 

I cant promise that i will have a go anytime soon. 

 

i have no energy to so anything an im not allowed to go for run or a walk or the gym due to my health issues, i cant sleep. i feel so angry at myself because i feel like im relying on her so much and now she doesnt even want to speak to me. 

 
 
 
 
 
Ben-RO
Ben-ROPosted 11-02-2016 10:39 AM

Hey @Talitha93

 

Livewire doesn't do any mental health stuff, none of them are counsellors.  Livewire helps people feel more connected in the sometimes isolating world created by chronic ill-health. So click through to them to start getting more help to connect with friends, old and new 🙂 

 

What CAN you do @Talitha93? Can you knit? Can you do some origami? Can you cook a strange and delicious meal? How about learning to play an instrument? There's always something you can do to redirect, distract and cope. Let's find a thing to do together 🙂 

 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 06-02-2016 09:58 PM
Hey @Chessca_H yeah it has been, I've been pretty sick and been having a few surgeries.

I have tried writing it down but nothing makes sense I have been trying for a while now. I just don't know how to tell her that I value our friendship but I just don't have the correct words.

I'm thinking of giving lifeline a go I'm just scared
 
 
Chessca_H
Chessca_HPosted 06-02-2016 10:06 PM

@Talitha93 maybe you could tell her just that, that you value her friendship so much that you can't put it into words. I know if I heard that from a friend I would absolutely take it on board!

 

I know taking the first step to talking can be really scary, but just think about how much better you'll feel once you've taken it and know you can seek that kind of support. You deserve to be supported through this 🙂

 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 06-02-2016 08:27 PM
@blithe
Thankyou for the reply
I had a look at the link and it was good I just need to get my head around a lot of things at the moment.
But at the moment I just feel like a burden.
The one person I thought I could trust hardly speaks to me anymore and she does she is very short with me. I know she has a lot going on but I just want to be able to tell her how I feel about her helping me but I don't know what to say to her!!!
 
 
Chessca_H
Chessca_HPosted 06-02-2016 09:43 PM

Hey @Talitha93, long time no talk! 

 

Have you tried writing down your thoughts about the help you get from the person you trust? That way you could take your time and really think about how you want ot put it, rather than having the pressure of trying to do it in a conversation. Maybe getting it all down in a letter and giving it to her would let her know how much you value having her in your life. 

 

I really want to stress that you're definitely not a burden. What you're going through right now is incredibly tough, so it's only natural that you need extra support to look after yourself mentally and emotionally. I'd like to back up what @blithe and @ElleBelle have said about giving a support helpline like Lifeline a go, there's nothing wrong with feeling like you need to talk and you're definitely not dumping on anyone by doing it.

 

 

 

 

 
ElleBelle
ElleBellePosted 05-02-2016 09:30 PM

Hey @Talitha93, it's completely understandable that you want to forget the frustrating and negative things going on in your world right now. Sometimes people turn to self harm, or thoughts of self harm, as a way of coping with those stresses and difficult emotions. It's important to know that those thoughts can just stay as thoughts. You don't have to act on them. If you're interested in some more positive ways of coping, you can try some of the self help techniques listed here. Can you commit to trying at least one of those tonight?

 

I also want you to know that there are people who can listen to you and support you when you're feeling overwhelmed. If you don't want to talk directly to your doctors, you can call or webchat with a crisis service like Lifeline. Would you be willing to keep reaching out and get in touch with them?

 
 
Talitha93
Talitha93Posted 06-02-2016 07:14 PM

Hello @ElleBelle its not normla for me ive always been the one that could handle my feelings and just push them aside, but lately that hasnt been the case. I dont know what I would do if I was to act on them,  should i just ignore the fact that im having these thoughts or maube if i acted they would go away!!! 

Everyone in my family doesnt really know what going on and my friends they all seem to act strange around me and the one person that i thought i could trust hardly talks to me anymore, ( in my last post it tells you about it) 

 

I dont think i could web chat with someone. im not one that likes talking about things.... I feel bd for dumbping my things on others!!! 

 
 
 
blithe
blithePosted 06-02-2016 07:59 PM

Hi @Talitha93,

It's good to see you back on ReachOut, it's been a while!

I'd agree with @ElleBelle that it would be a good idea to take an action to deal positively with your thoughts of self harm, rather than ignoring them or pushing them aside. Did you have a look at the list she linked to? Reckon any of those might help you?

It's understandable that you might want to try to manage your thoughts and feelings on your own, but phone line support people are there because they want to help, and can offer a way for you to talk things through with someone outside your family or friend circle - so you don't need to worry about feeling like a burden to those you care about. Does that make sense?
And of course, ReachOut is here for you too! But if you feel like hearing a voice on the end of the line, I'd say give Lifeline a go.

 

Cheers!

blithe

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