Re: deleted post
This is the best I can do...
Thought: If I don’t punish myself, I’ll be weak, make mistakes and fuck things up.
- What is my evidence for and against my thinking?
For – I make a lot of mistakes. I fuck up a lot situations in general. I’m afraid of non-threatening things, I feel upset over nothing = weak. People are disciplined when they break rules – there is a rule that no one is allowed to show weakness to anyone, and shouldn’t be weak in private either. I break that rule constantly, so need to be disciplined and I’m the only one who it willing and able to do that.
Against – I’m not sure if punishment actually prevents the above. It’s possible that discipline makes me even weaker next time. There are sometimes situations which I don’t fuck up or act weak where I haven’t had to punish myself to get results. Evidence cannot adequately establish cause and effect.
- How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?
Experiment: Make a list of things to be achieved within a certain timeframe, and perform this twice – once with punishment and once without. Then repeat a couple of times. Measures of success are required for each activity. Document results and compare to see if a conclusion can be made.
Re: deleted post
The questions you pose to yourself are big ones. I know I would find it hard to answer those of myself. I do know though, that anything I think of that would drive me to hurt myself is not me being my best or strongest.
It sounds like being disciplined is really important to you. You sound very strong and committed to this. Which can be an amazing thing for you, all you need to do is focus it in the right direction. You can show strength and discipline in committing to not hurting yourself. Some of the eastern philosophies have great ideas regarding building strength of the mind, Buddhism etc. all practice strengthening the mind. You might find them interesting to read about.
Your question about whether your thoughts are true is a really important one. This is where a counsellor can be really wonderful. Someone you can bounce your thoughts and ideas off and they can help you work out whether they're true or, more importantly, whether they're doing you harm or good.
Would you consider this?
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