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i dont deserve it...

everything is so fucked again. I dont know why I try. Will I ever get better. things were actually looking ok but no, I have to dive again. I'm better off dead. you are all better off without me. I don't deserve love or empathy. I don't deserve happiness. I'm a worthless piece of shit.
death is the only thing I deserve. I'm not meant for this life. I'm no good.
I'm sorry
And now ive ended up back in the emergency department. I don't want this.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: i dont deserve it...

@redhead sorry to hear you're feeling like that. You are definitely not a piece of shit and we all think that you are worth it. You support so many people on here including me!

Can I ask are you currently safe and in the emergency department or are you planning on going?

You definitely don't have to be sorry either! You deserve every single great thing you get in life - just like everyone else. No one deserves death and that definitely includes you - you help so many people and so many people are grateful that you are here on the forums giving support and sharing your story.

Please know that you ARE worth it and that you DON'T deserve to be hurt or punished!

Re: i dont deserve it...

@FootyFan26 I'm in the emergency department, and I'm about to get admitted to the psych ward.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: i dont deserve it...

@redhead I know the hospital isn't the nicest place but I'm glad to know you're safe.

Re: i dont deserve it...

Hi @redhead , I'm so sorry that you're feeling so crappy right now and that things aren't feeling so crash hot tonight. Take care of yourself. You're in the right place and you know you've gotten through this before. You can do it now again.

Just one step at a time. Take care of yourself right now, and know that you are doing the best you can to stay safe, and to be totally here present in your body. I can imagine the pain you are feeling. I hope you a speedy recovery from this low mood, and that you can just kick back and have some good zzzz's tonight as well.

You can definitely know that your friends on Reach Out forum are concerned for you. We're all serious about staying committed to supporting each other where and when we can.

 

Talk to you soon.

 

Good night x

Re: i dont deserve it...

@redhead Firstly, I want to commend you for taking yourself to the emergency department. That's so great that you have recognised and acted on your concerns to keep yourself safe. Something has kept you alive and sought this help. I can hear you are in a huge amount of pain tonight but there is still a part of you that wants to live.

 

Secondly, I want to highlight your comment: "I don't want this". They are four VERY strong words and they sum up all the strength you've shown in these forums. As awful as you are feeling right now, you know that you have choices and it's up to you to take the steps to get what you want.

 

I hope you can take the time tonight to do something that brings you even a small amount of pleasure. We're thinking of you.

Re: i dont deserve it...

The doctor took ages to admit me, I did get down to the ward to about 130 am. I'm so tired.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: i dont deserve it...

Sorry to hear it took so long! I hope you're getting the opourtunity for some rest now after such a late one. And again, it's awesome that you have such exceptional skills in self care, i am sorry to hear that sometimes the hospital is a bit slow at recognising that. 

 

Let us know how you're doing!

Re: i dont deserve it...

I'm going home today.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: i dont deserve it...

I feel so guilty. One of my close friend's family members just died. And here I am trying to die.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire