tw: when will it stop?
At the suggestion of @Jay-RO, I've made another thread (sorry) on my my thoughts and some other stuff. Also I drafted this up a while ago but I never got around to posting it...
So I'm going to talk a bit about my voices. Yesterday at my psych appt. I was able to 'discover' a bit about these voices using different techniques. So basically there are 2 prominent ones. One is a more masculine figure/voice. It's looming, tall and intimidating. It's very aggressive and the one that is telling me to die/saying things like your worthless/a failure etc. The other is a girl. She's frightened and she reminds me of myself, though she isn't me. She's the one that's telling me to SH, because 'it will make him stop.' She is feeling what I'm feeling as well. My head is literally so fucked up right now. My psych kept saying they aren't real, but they are, at least to me. Maybe I'm just another one of the voices...
The other, very much real, looming problem is my mother finding out about my SH. My psychologist wants to tell my mum because she's going to link me up with a psychiatrist and possible get some diagnoses... My next session is next Thursday. I am not ready for my mum to find out. She doesn't know ANYTHING about mental health. I need her to know that it isn't her fault, she didn't do anything to make me feel like this. But she'll blame herself and that'll just make me feel worse. I think the reason I find it so hard to even think about doing, is because I'm closest to her. I don't care if my father figured out, I hope he'd know that he caused all of this. I want him to know just how much his abuse has effected me without him even caring.
I spoke to my KHL counsellor a few hours ago and she made me feel a bit better. She helped me realize that my mum has always tried to support me and hopefully that would hold for this situation. She's so sweet 🙂
I'm sorry if any of this broke the guidelines, if it did I'm very sorry 😞 Please edit it, I tried to be aware.
hey beautiful @annabethxchase
im really worried about you 💗 if you do see this, please know i love you so much and will be by your side forEVER ❤️❤️
hey gorgeous 
you haven't been on in the last few days like me, is everything okay?
always here xxxx
well it's 6:30 for me (time difference) and I'll be finishing up swimming and ive got a mountain of homework. still feeling horrible 😞
Hey @annabethxchase , sounds like you're in a hard place today . I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down on yourself too. 
Sounds like the thought of talking to professionals or others doesn't feel like an option for you at the moment. But I'm really glad that you're able to come on here and share with us- we can listen and support you.
What do you have on tonight at 7.30?
I've tried everything on there that I can do while at school (obviously calling helplines isn't an option right now.)
I have no support @Jess1-RO I'm not going to talk to any professionals because all they do is hurt me and I can't talk to my teachers because i don't trust them and don't have the guts to anyway and my friends would just laugh at me or not talk to me. Thanks ❤️
That's a really tough feeling to sit with at the moment @annabethxchase. Do you think any of the suggestions on this thread will be helpful at the moment?
Thinking of you What support do you have around you at the moment?
Are you still safe?
@litgym i don't think you can do anything but thanks ❤️ i don't want to get upset and hurt your feelings 😞
what can I do to help you out ? its lunch time for me and im happy to work with you x
im not at hpe now
could you talk to a teacher or just ask for some time out ? go to bathroom and get a drink x
I’m thinking of you @annabethxchase 😘
Are you still with your hpe teacher?
