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You don't have to hurt yoursef @Bay82VU It can be a vicious cycle to feel frustration and pain, and then get frustrated for being frustrated. Nobody is 100% all the time but that doesn't mean you don't deserve help, support and kindness - especially from yourself. What can you do to stay safe tonight that has worked for you in the past?

nevermind I dunno wtf I'm saying. I know I'm not making sense so don't bother.

Hey @Bay82VU,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. You sound really frustrated with yourself.

If I saw you talking to another person the way you're talking about yourself, I'd want to say 'hey, stop abusing them!'. You don't deserve to be written off and abused by anyone, and that includes yourself.

I just don't think that anyone can change and make improvements in their life if they're copping abuse all the time. Maybe you just need to stop and give yourself a break?

Check out this fact sheet on Challenging Negative Thinking and hopefully you'll see what I mean?

Take care,

blithe

This is the best I can do...

Thought: If I don’t punish myself, I’ll be weak, make mistakes and fuck things up.

• What is my evidence for and against my thinking?

For – I make a lot of mistakes. I fuck up a lot situations in general. I’m afraid of non-threatening things, I feel upset over nothing = weak. People are disciplined when they break rules – there is a rule that no one is allowed to show weakness to anyone, and shouldn’t be weak in private either. I break that rule constantly, so need to be disciplined and I’m the only one who it willing and able to do that.

Against – I’m not sure if punishment actually prevents the above. It’s possible that discipline makes me even weaker next time. There are sometimes situations which I don’t fuck up or act weak where I haven’t had to punish myself to get results. Evidence cannot adequately establish cause and effect.

• How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?

Experiment: Make a list of things to be achieved within a certain timeframe, and perform this twice – once with punishment and once without. Then repeat a couple of times. Measures of success are required for each activity. Document results and compare to see if a conclusion can be made.

hey @Bay82VU  

The questions you pose to yourself are big ones. I know I would find it hard to answer those of myself. I do know though, that anything I think of that would drive me to hurt myself is not me being my best or strongest. 

It sounds like being disciplined is really important to you. You sound very strong and committed to this. Which can be an amazing thing for you, all you need to do is focus it in the right direction. You can show strength and discipline in committing to not hurting yourself. Some of the eastern philosophies have great ideas regarding building strength of the mind, Buddhism etc. all practice strengthening the mind. You might find them interesting to read about.

Your question about whether your thoughts are true is a really important one. This is where a counsellor can be really wonderful. Someone you can bounce your thoughts and ideas off and they can help you work out whether they're true or, more importantly, whether they're doing you harm or good.

Would you consider this?

I don't think a counsellor would be helpful anymore. They just don't understand when I try to explain stuff, and tell me things I already know.

Hey @Bay82VU,

How are you feeling today?

blithe

@blithe yeah today's been fine thanks

Thinking of you, @Bay82VU. How are you feeling today?

blithe

@Bay82VU  you're a valued member of the reachout community (and definitely not wasting anyones time) and, from your posts, it sounds like you are a wonderful person with much to offer the world! Although we've never met, I would consider you a mate

Hang in there buddy, life can get everyone down sometimes, but I promise that things do get better.  By the way, i've always got time to listen to whatever may be the problem - never consider it a waste of time

Hey - you aren't wasting anyones time. I know how hard it is not to have anyone to talk to about how you're really feeling so i'm glad you're here. I'm glad you are posting to us.

Feeling depressed, worthless and like you want to self harm can be scary. I just want to make sure you know where to access support if you feel unsafe. Might be worth calling or chatting to one of these guys if you aren't able to get some sleep?

Keep checking in over the next few days okay? I'll look out for any new threads from you.