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Our Guide To: Anger

anger GIF


Can we talk about feelings for a minute?  


One huge emotion that every single human experiences is anger.The weird thing is a lot of the time we don’t talk about it. Chuck your thoughts in this thread but I think it has something to with anger being associated with violence, when that isn't always the case. 


The truth is anger is different for everyone. It can look/feel like: 


  • Pent up energy in the body 
  • Feelings of despair, disconnect and intense frustration 
  • Heart and/or thoughts racing 
  • Sweating 
  • Getting hot 
  • Crying 

What we’d like to suggest in this chat, is that anger is not a negative emotion by nature. For too long some of the behaviors that come from anger have totally characterised the emotion. There are lots of examples I can think of, where anger that's been essential to personal, social and physical growth. So, dare I say it: Anger is a positive, necessary emotion to have


We think the trick is learning how to sit with your anger and understand why you are experiencing it. ReachOut has an article here on 8 ways to deal with anger if you are interested in reading that. 


We'd be really interested hear what everyone thinks about anger, so please feel free to share tips on how you deal with it, what you have learnt from anger or any other thoughts that come to mind. 


Re: Our Guide To: Anger

I really agree with what you said @Bre-RO ! Anger is a fundamentally human experience and we all experience it in different ways. 


I think sitting with things like anger and trying to figure out why we're feeling this way is super valuable because it lets you figure out what else your brain is ticking over. For example, sometimes you get angry really easily because you're stressed or tired, and so dealing with those things can help address the anger you're feeling Smiley Happy 


What are everyone else's thoughts?

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Re: Our Guide To: Anger

100% agree @ecla34 I think it can be a fairly confronting emotion to have, especially when you're not sure how to express it in a healthy way.Figuring out the why really helps to move through it! It's also a lesson in self compassion because you can take a step back and cut yourself some slack for why certain emotions are coming up rather than feeling ashamed/upset with yourself. 


Re: Our Guide To: Anger

This is such a great topic!
I tend to ruminate on things and when someone makes me mad, I don't forget about it easily. Today, I coincidentally saw someone who inconvenienced me in the past (such a small world), and they didn't remember me but I definitely remembered them. Smiley LOL
When I'm angry about someone or something, I often write it down. It helps me reflect about why I am angry and let out my emotions. My grandma has a stress ball that she uses all the time when other family members are annoying her. Smiley LOL

Re: Our Guide To: Anger

I agree that anger is a totally normal thing to experience, and definitely not a character flaw, and that it has its positives.


For me anger is generally my emotions saying something isn't ok or the way it should be. Often anger is triggered by seeing injustices taking place (either to ourselves or others), and I think it's great that a really common response to that is a passionate feeling that those being mistreated deserve better, including yourself. I think anger can be and often is the starting point for really powerful positive change.


I think a risk can be that situations such as you not getting what you wanted or expected can also trigger an anger response of your emotions telling you 'this isn't ok/ how it should be', and for me the anger kind of feels the same either way. So in some situations it might cloud your thinking a bit. But I don't mean to demonise any anger that isn't in response to objective injustice, because I think it's valuable that humans have an emotional response that prioritises their own wellbeing. It's just also valuable to analyse the feeling and situation and try not to be rash... Often hard though 😛


I really hate the feeling of being angry when there isn't anything I can do about a situation, and/or I don't have the space to express it and be heard. I find it super unpleasant.


If there are things I can do or spaces I can express it I don't mind it so much.


I think misplaced anger can do a lot of hurt... If someone can't do anything about the situation making them angry then directs it at someone else (who are often in vulnerable positions). I think that was a common dynamic in my house growing up and it sucked.


An interesting experience I once had with anger involved a medication I tried for depression/anxiety which triggered anger in me. It was really weird feeling angry without a situational cause, and it made me a bit more aware of what the emotion itself felt like. Really didn't like it though, maybe because if the emotion doesn't have a situational cause you can't take action to fix anything, and it felt really shitty to just have to sit with it, all because of something that was supposed to be helping with my emotional state.


Re: Our Guide To: Anger

Hey @WheresMySquishy I totally relate, I'm the same. Letting go of things can be really tough hey! Hahah that made me lol about your grandma and her stress ball. 



@hellofriend I love when you said " anger is generally my emotions saying something isn't ok or the way it should be." I think that you really hit the nail on the head - that's why it's so important to listen to your anger and give it a healthy outlet! Also I agree with you when it comes to feeling angry but out of control of a situation - i really struggle with that too. I've actually felt that a lot this year and as cliche as it is, I've had to lean into the whole "focus on what you can control" thing, it doesn't make the anger magically disappear but it does help lessen it over time.