Giving up on my dreams
Last year I decided I wanted to study at a game design college because I wanted to make my own games. I have an idea for a game and I was really excited about all the possibilities. Unfortunately the first and currently only course I did ended up not being right for me, because I didn’t pass due to finding some of the work too hard to finish. I didn’t even know I hadn’t submitted that work. It came as a genuine shock to find out I didn’t submit everything, because there was so much sh** I had to do that some things just got lost in all the chaos. I have a few days left to finish that work and pass, but I don’t know how to do any of it by myself.
I read the Reach Out article on coping with failing a course, but it’s not that easy for me. Because if I don’t pass this course, I can’t get concession costs at any more courses there, and the normal fees are so expensive we could never afford them. I want to do a course in art and animation because drawing is my passion, but everyone is talking me out of it. The staff at the college said I wouldn’t like to be in a classroom because I’ve demonstrated that I don’t cope well in classroom environments; I’m extremely socially awkward and at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, so I probably wouldn’t fit in there just like I don’t fit in anywhere else I’ve been. And now my family’s saying I wouldn’t like the online course because it would be too hard for me to do it all by myself. It’s always been like this for me, every single time there’s a course or hobby or whatever I want to do people around me talk me out of it by telling me I wouldn’t cope, until ultimately all my options are crossed out. So now it’s looking like I’m gonna have to give up my dream of making games because everyone’s telling me I can’t do it. I’m so fu**ing sick of getting my hopes up for things only to have my dreams crushed. While other people out there have beautiful perfect lives with dream jobs, wonderful friends and no problems ever, I’m here having accomplished nothing in the 20 years of my sad existence. Even the things I can do like drawing and writing I’m terrible at compared to people who are just naturally better than I ever will be. If this keeps up, one day I’ll have no choice but to abandon all my hobbies and dreams, and along with them, my future. Sometimes I think I just don’t belong in this world full of negativity and cynicism.
@Bento That sounds really heartbreaking. It must have been so disheartening to fail that course. 
It must have also been really devastating to be discouraged from following your dreams.
I am also introverted and socially awkward. I was told that I wouldn't do well in academic work and that it would be difficult for me to find any kind of position. But I ended up doing really well in uni and got accepted for a lot of internships and volunteering opportunities based on my experience and interview performance. I think it's important to remember that people's opinions are just opinions and not facts, and no one can predict the future. If game design is what you really want to do, you will find a way to do it.
It could be that the college you studied at just isn't very supportive or right for you. Does it have any supports in place for students who need academic assistance, guidance or mentoring? Are there any other places you could study at? If you feel that one place is not working out for you, you can always find another place to study.
I can totally understand the feeling of being stuck and not being able to accomplish much in life. It's currently hard for me to get a job or leave the house much because I am caring for some of my family members. I found it helpful to tell myself that this situation is not forever. It's never too late to follow your passion and do what you want to do. People all of all ages can feel as though they are 'stuck', but you can get 'unstuck' at any time. Perhaps you can use this time to focus on your hobbies, volunteer, learn a new skill, treat yourself to something or think about your goals for the future.
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@Bento I'm glad that things are working out for you! It's great that the place is understanding. Well done on having some goals! 
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Hey @Bento,
It's good to hear that you're feeling more confident with handling your gaming course, and talking with your school to see how they can better understand and accommodate you in the future 🙂
I'm sorry that you are still feeling frustrated with the cynicism of others, and how you've felt that it's ongoing negativity has made you disappointed and somewhat ashamed of Australia. I want to reassure you that it is natural to feel disheartened when seeing the negative ways humans can interact with each other. Unfortunately however, often this effect can occur in reverse as well.
When we are feeling down, or in a low mood - like how you explained you were feeling in your first post - it can be easy to find yourself focusing on the worst and most negative aspects of the world around you. In the same way that a good mood can give you "rose-tinted glasses", a bad mood can give you "grey-tinted glasses". Because your brain is temporarily fixated on these more negative aspects, you can easily forget to see the better side of the world and what it has to offer.
Sometimes the best antidote to these grey tinted glasses, is to make note of all the good things that you see happen around you. Maybe you saw someone help another, or had a stranger smile at you. You can even be the one making the positive impact! It can often make you feel better to give someone a compliment with no ulterior motive except to brighten their day, or alternatively you could spend sometime volunteering for a charity or association who share your values (The ASRC for example is an organisation which is doing a lot to help reduce some of the negative rhetoric happening in society). Anytime you see or do something that is kind or positive you could write it down, that way when you're feeling disappointed with the state of society you can go over your list and see that there are some people who really are doing their best to make this world a better place
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@Bento It can be so difficult to try not to focus on the negative stuff that happens. We are wired to focus more on negative information than the nice things that people do for us. We can get a lot of compliments and people can treat us really well, but a single negative comment or experience can totally ruin our entire day.
I understand what you mean about Facebook and Twitter. I don't use them for this reason. I also don't like watching the news often because the media often reports on the bad stuff that happens rather than anything positive. This website and this website are pretty good if you need to read some positivity.
These articles are really helpful if you find yourself getting down about situations.
I’m sorry if this thread has gone off the rails and is becoming about something different than what it started out as. But I guess it all fits into the topic of mental health and positivity vs. negativity... right?
Getting back on topic of creativity, I find that creative hobbies are perhaps my best coping mechanism. Creating stories and characters I believe can be a great way of self expression. I want to create a story to express my own views on society and mental health. I’ve been working on the plot and characters for a while now, and I tried to start before but I couldn’t get far without thinking it was terrible and I just couldn’t get into it so I dropped it. Now I’m getting more ideas for my story, and I want to brew my ideas just a bit longer before I start and hopefully finish writing a story I’m happy with. I would love to share my work with people and hopefully help them get through hard times just like how it has helped me.
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@Bento I think that creating stories can be a really good coping mechanism. I used to write stories and create characters too. I would often weave bits of my life into the stories. It was really cathartic and helped me process what I was going through at the time. I would also daydream a lot about my characters and stories, which my psychiatrist thought was a way of distracting myself from my PTSD.
Since you're into game design, maybe you could turn your stories into a game one day. There are lots of text-based and visual novel games out there. You could also incorporate some character designs. A lot of people have made games out of their life experiences. That Dragon, Cancer and Depression Quest come to mind. Celeste is another good game that takes inspiration from mental health. The world needs more of these games because they help people better understand mental health and to have empathy for people with mental health issues.
I'm sure lots of people would want to read your stories! The best stories are the ones that are written from the heart. Perhaps you could share it on a website online such as Deviantart.
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To be honest, doing creative hobby stuff is the only real way I can think of that really helps me deal with all the worries I've been having like my worries about climate change and looming threats to the planet, and seeing our attitude about protecting the planet getting more and more negative and hopeless in Australia. I do creative things in an attempt to take my mind off that stuff, or at least as much as possible. Stuff like putting together videos with Adobe and making cosplay outfits to wear at conventions, but most importantly creating my story and characters because the story will tie in with themes of mental health and the struggles in society. I want to start writing my story as soon as possible to get it out there because I think it will help me unload a lot of emotions and express myself, but I still need to plan the story out before I'm ready to start writing. I keep proscatonating and holding it off, I just want nothing more than to be able to write and finish a story I'm happy with.
Hey @Bento My name is Bre - I'm a new staff member and just wanted to introduce myself to you. It's so nice to hear you've developed so many creative ways of managing stress.
Self expression is definitely my favourite way of coping with worry. I love to write and have found that putting your story into words can be therapeutic and also be really valuable for other people like you. Have you thought about using a blogging site to write and share your story? I've heard WordPress is great for that and it's free to join.
On the topic of Climate Change lots of people share your concerns and we have a forum where we can get those worries off our chest but also discuss what we can do. Climate Change Anxiety: How to cope is where you'll find those discussions. 
I hope you don’t mind me replying after some time. I didn’t know what to write.
Did I specify before that I have asperger syndrome? I apparently only have a mild case and am “high-functioning”, but in society I feel very low-functioning. I have become terrified of people, I feel like I cannot mentally cope in our society with how negative people are in Australia. Every day I think to myself how I want to go back to the good old days when everything was perfect because I don’t belong here anymore. It’s like the song “1996” by The Wombats; “I’m not cut out for the modern life”. Whether it’s on the internet or in the city, there are so many aggressive dickish entitled people and they’re the ones who stand out because they actively try to bring everyone down, and boy do they succeed. My self-esteem often goes up and down like a rollercoaster too, and right now it’s pretty low. Lately I’ve been putting myself down because I think I’m a pathetic piece of crap, and I certainly feel like one. I’m at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The people who attract the most attention in western societies are arseholes. You know the saying “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Well that’s clearly not true; toxic people use that vinegar to drown the flies.
Hey @Bento, not at all! We're happy to hear from you no matter how much time has passed 🙂
I wanted to add another website to the positive ones that @WheresMySquishy linked - Love Gives Me Hope is a collection of positive bite-sized stories of all kinds of love and scrolling through it makes me happy. I thought it might do the same for you 🙂
I haven't heard that song by the Wombats, but I like that lyric. Thank you for sharing!
I'm sorry to hear that you've been putting yourself down and have been feeling so bleak about society lately 😞
Sometimes when I feel like that, I try to make a list of things I'm grateful for, do you think that's something you could try? 🙂
Have you heard of the YouTube creator Jaiden Animations? She makes animated videos where she talks about stuff, like telling stories, discussing things, and most importantly, offering advice and support based off her own personal experience. I love watching her videos, she is one of my favourite YouTube channels now and next month I’ll get to see her at a panel in VidCon Australia. Here are 3 videos that I’d recommend you check out.
On Relationships: https://youtu.be/4H9jTQKmR3Q
On Anxiety: https://youtu.be/sbtQp7C1MDs
On Self-Improvement: https://youtu.be/2RQH5Ycj1C8
She has some other videos that are more about funny topics, but these ones I thought were most relevant to this forum.
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Hi @Bento
Thanks for sharing these videos they are really good!!! I think lots of people here will find them helpful
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@Bento That's awesome! I'm so proud of you. Keep up the good work! Hopefully, you can get some more support from where you're studying regarding the noise in the classroom. I'm sure they can work out some more things that would help you.
These videos are really cool!
Actually, I’m sorry to change the subject suddenly, but I need help with brainstorming a fictional story I want to write. I’m really struggling to come up with ideas, and I’ve tried asking some other people for help, but I keep coming to a dead end. My story will focus on a lot of psychological themes, so I thought maybe people who have had experience with mental struggles could help me out. Wanna try?
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Hey @Bento congrats on the good news! Sounds like you've got some clear career goals to focus on which is really exciting.
Anxiety: https://youtu.be/4ldJ3YbiuU0
Introvert: https://youtu.be/Mtyy3x5qAFI
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Hi @Bento that's okay if conversations go in a different direction Having a look at the last few posts, the conversations are still related so 100% okay to continue on this thread.
Creativity sounds like it is something important to you, and writing is something that quite a few of our forums members enjoy too. There are a few creative spaces on the forums that you might be interested in too. Here we have a thread for writers in the community started by a fellow writer and builder @Hozzles. Here is a masterlist of the hanging out threads we have, and there are a fair few hobby based discussed that you may enjoy 🙂
Hey @Bento
We're super happy to hear that things are on the way up for you. It's good that you spoke up and received the support you need, and that your family and tafe/university are being supportive.
You mentioned you want to work towards being more social and confident. Feel free to check out some of our articles on how to build confidence here.
