Relationship
Hi,
I am after some advice. My ex broke up with me 6 days ago, it was very sudden and I was not expecting it at all. We did not speak for 3-4 days but I was not coping well at all and was very confused. We have been together for almost 2 years. I ended up contacting him and asking him If it was okay that we spoke about what happened. He agreed and said he was going to contact me anyway as he felt he made the wrong decision. He has his reasons but he did not communicate how he was feeling to me properly.
Our chat went really well, there is no hate between us and we have both agreed that we may be able to try again but we need to take it slow. He asked to see me once a week but wants to cut contact so he has time to think about it properly which is completely fair but I am struggling with overthinking and not knowing what will happen.
Any help or advice is much appreciated.
Comments
@wanderingwasp @Bingo1234 @ayrc_1904 @WheresMySquishy @Mayour
UPDATE:
Hi! He contacted me yesterday to check in to see how I am doing, I was really grateful he did as I didn't expect to hear from him till the day he wanted to see me. We spoke most of the day and spoke about us, and other stuff not relating to us. Although the chat was really good I am still so confused. He still isn't sure what he wants and I am so scared I'm going to be led on (he wouldn't do it intentionally).
My gut is saying it will be okay but the uncertainty is still making me really uneasy. The conversation ended last night, he is busy with assignments at the moment so I don't think I will hear from him till Saturday, which is okay.
He is concerned if we get back together things will go back to how they were. I told him I wouldn't bother trying to fight for us if I wasn't going to try.
It is so hard fighting for someone you love and not knowing if they are willing to fight back.
I am in the middle of trying to book a counseling session, hopefully for today to get another perspective
Hey @beachlover567 !
So sorry for the late reply! I've literally been so swamped with uni assignments and tests. Super stressed lately, but I'm working on giving myself more breaks. Almost done though!
I'm really glad you understand that too. I don't think it's a bad thing to stay hopeful either. Most people would love to be reassured and have somebody by their side, so it's understandable that you're hoping for the best. I'm glad you two had a talk though and hopefully you're able to figure things out more.
I know uncertainty can be really unsettling....it's something I struggle with too so I can totally relate. But at the same time, again, we can't let that take over us. You sound like a lovely and amazing person, and I am hoping you can work things out. Let me know with an update! 
Good to know you're having open communication - and I'm sure the counselling session will be helpful also 🙂 Perhaps if you're still confused after talking to him for a long time, you could ask him to send you a description of his feelings in writing? I hope that the waiting isn't too tough on you!
Hey @Mayour
I'm definitely really glad there is open communication, I believe it has really helped. I definitely think the counseling session will be good for me. That is a good idea, I am seeing him soon to discuss, I will definitely keep that in mind. It has been tough, it honeslty feels like im a rollercoaster.
Hey @beachlover567
The waiting is super tough- I know exactly how you feel. Are you keeping yourself busy in the meantime? That’s great that you booked into a counselling session. I think it will be really beneficial to talk it all through and hopefully get some good advice too.
Hey @Bingo1234
It is super tough. I've had a lot of uni assignments due so they have kept me busy. Yeah it definitely will be, I had a triage session on Wednesday and I have a proper session this coming Tuesday, I think it will be really good for me
Hi @beachlover567! Welcome to the forums!
That's so sad that your ex broke up with you. 😞 I would feel confused too, especially if it came out of the blue. If I were in your shoes, I would feel so devastated and wondering what went wrong.
I really admire you and him for wanting to stay friends and discuss whether to give your relationship another go. I think you've shown a lot of insight in what you'd like to work on in the future if you decide to try again with him. It's great that you were able to treat yourself to some self-care! 🙂
I really hope that you and him are able to work something out, and whatever happens is for the best. I don't really have any advice but I hope everything goes well.
Hi @WheresMySquishy, thank you! I am so glad I found these forums!
yeah, it has been really tough. I was lucky enough to speak to him and he very much admitted he didn't communicate with me properly and this is why for me it came as a shock as I had no idea it was coming. The reason for the break up is something that can definitely be worked on.
It's nice we are on good terms, not sure if we are friends but we are able to talk which is good but not atm because he wants space. Hopefully, this weekend brings some more answers for me and the outcome etc.
Thank you so much for your kind words 
I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup - it's always hard to deal with such an intense change, particularly if it feels without warning. I hope you've had some time to rest, reflect and process your emotions. I think that your dedication to communicating actively with him and talk through everything is so admirable — the world needs more good communicators like yourself!
If you do decide to give it another go then I'm sure that will be great, however a breakup also provides a great opportunity for positive change - such as making new friends or spending more time focusing on something you're passionate about. So, regardless of what happens, I feel confident that it will turn out well for you.
All the best:)
Hi @Mayour,
Thank you for writing back to me. It's okay, these things happen. I'm trying so hard to rest but it has been really difficult which uni etc, it is all getting a bit too much. Thank you, that means a lot.
I think so too and yeah that is very true. I have been around my friends a bit and they are checking in on me which is really nice.
I really hope it turns out well.
Thanks again
Hey @beachlover567
Hope you're doing well! I totally understand what your concerns are. I really like the advice the others gave you. I guess things that are out of control are scary because well...they're out of our control. But for the same reason, I guess that's why you have to try and just look after yourself and do things you can control.
My boyfriend and I have also been through our own struggles. No relationship is perfect. A good relationship is one where you respectfully hear the other out and work on communication and on yourselves to be better for the other person too. If anything, I guess this break is a learning curve too if anything. Hopefully, things work out well for you! But just remember your worth and we're here for you when you need it!
@ayrc_1904 Hey
I am doing okay! I hope you are well also!!
The other advice from the others has been really helpful and it has been good to know people have been through similar situations, obviously the situations aren't good but it is nice knowing people understand.
Yeah exactly and that is something I need to work on with my emotions, It definitely out of my control at the moment but I can't let it take over my day and ruin it. That is so true, I just got back from a full day at uni but I am now treating myself and going to watch my favorite TV show which will be nice!
100% and it is the downs in a relationship that helps us learn and build the relationship. Exactly right and that is how the conversation with him went when I saw him on the weekend to discuss, so I definitely think that is a good start. The break has definitely been a learning curve and I have learned a lot which is good!!
Thank you so much, my gut feeling is saying it will be good so I am going to try and stick with my gut to get me through this week till I can see him again.
Thank you so much
Hey @beachlover567
I went through something very similar last year. My boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years at the time and he ended it very suddenly. It was honestly one of the most horrible feelings, I couldn’t even put it into words. My boyfriend also contacted me not long after saying he regretted his decision. We ended up meeting a couple of days later and talked everything through. It turns out we both had a bit to work on in the relationship and it gave us a chance to properly communicate. We’re still together now and our relationship is a lot stronger. Regardless of whether you get back together I think it’s a great learning experience and it makes you assess what you really want. I hope everything works out for you but just try to focus on yourself and do what’s best for you ❤️
Hey @Bingo1234!
Thank you for replying! It is really hard hey? A lot of what you said sounds really similar to my situation. I feel really lost and although the conversation went really well yesterday and I feel in my gut there is still hope, it is the uncertainty of waiting for him to decide that is really making me uneasy. He spoke about future stuff to me yesterday and other things that really made me feel that he is considering it. I have some mental health issues and unfortunately, they took a toll on the relationship at times but he was not communicating to me how he was feeling so when he broke up with me randomly, it really hurt.
I think going forward if we did get a second chance I think our communication needs to be better and it is something I very much want to work on. I really really hope when I see him this week it also goes well. Communication is something that can definitely be worked on so I'm grateful it is a small issue like that and nothing major.
Did your boyfriend cut contact with you when you broke up?
I'm so glad everything worked out for you both, hearing it did make me smile and gave me hope!
Thanks again ❤️
It’s an incredibly difficult thing to go through so just remember I’ll be here on the forum to support you when you need. For our relationship improving communication was so important and really saved us. Does your boyfriend know about your mental health issues? I actually said I needed space from him because I was just so shocked about the break up and needed time to process things and cool off.
Thank you so much
I can imagine, I'm so glad it worked out for you both! Yeah, he does, unfortunately, he doesn't know too much about mental health and how to help. When we sat down and spoke yesterday he asked me more about it and things he can do to help which really meant a lot to me. My mental health isn't too bad, it just spiral if I bottle things up or if everything becomes a little bit too much. I have contacted my work counseling service to speak to them about some personal issues, I am really trying.
That is completely fair enough. I gave myself a couple of days before contacting him as I was really hurt but now I think it's just the uncertainty that really makes me want to talk to him and try and work through it. But, I am respecting he needs space and I am really looking forward to seeing him on the weekend.
That’s a huge step that you’re seeking help from your work counsellor, you should be proud. All the waiting around can be tough, sort of feels like you’re in limbo so hang in there! Just try to take care of yourself and fill your time with things you love doing. Hope it all works out for you this weekend ❤️
Thank you !
Yeah, it is super hard and that is the thing I am struggling with most at the moment. I'll get there eventually and it is only a couple of days left of waiting. Will do and thank you! ❤️
Hey, it sounds like what you're going through is tough and I've been there multiple times. From my experience with my first ex, the break up wasn't exactly nice but it was mutual in a way. I guess the hardest thing is, like you mentioned, the uncertainty because that is out of our control. I think it's ok to feel not ok and right now, perhaps the best thing is to really focus on self-care and treating yourself kindly.
I know in those situations in my past, I would judge myself critically and constantly worry about something out of my control. But over time, I learned a system that worked for me but let me know if it works for you. I basically journal and write down everything that's bothering me and I write in it everyday as a way to check in with my feelings and reflect on my actions. Afterwards, I'll treat myself to a nice meal, watch youtube, exercise a little (which naturally boosts mood), do some yoga or if I'm feeling lazy, just snuggle in bed with some music. What worked for me was that I learned to accept that things will be out of my control and that instead of focusing on the what if's... that I can instead work on bettering myself. Because my personality is very planning oriented, this thought worked brilliantly for me. Instead of worrying about if my ex will get back with me, I thought well that's up to you but I know I'm a catch and I would work on myself creatively and do a mini glow up for myself to feel better.
But everyone has a different system. With all this rambling, I just wanted to say I've been where you've been and it hurts... a lot. But we're all here for you. Please take care of yourself because you matter the most at the end of the day!
Hey @wanderingwasp. Thank you for taking the time to write back to my post. Knowing people have been through similar situations has really helped me cope a bit better. Everything you have said has been really helpful, thank you! I am going to starting journaling and writing down my feelings daily and see where I go from there.
Thanks again 🙂
