[CHAT]: RUOK? What to say if someone says "nope" - ReachOut Forums

scared01 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 06-09-2017 4:48 PM

yes please when the time comes tag me into the thread so i wont forget 🙂

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 06-09-2017 5:00 PM

No worries @scared01 also we set up an event on Facebook which will give you a reminder- if you're a Facebook person. We hid the guest list, so you'll still be anonymous 🙂

scared01 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 06-09-2017 5:06 PM

thanks @Ben-RO 🙂

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 7:01 PM

Hi everyone! It's nearly time to start the chat! Can't wait! We'll ask a bunch of questions to get the discussion going and we'd love it if you pop on, click reply and share your thoughts 🙂

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 7:59 PM

Nearly time to get started!

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:04 PM

Tonight is all about RUOK? day!

If at all you find this conversation distressing or you feel like you need to talk to someone, about an issue then it's time to get some help!. You can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or use their webchat and email services found on their respective sites. The link s can be found here. If you are new here then welcome! Have a quick peek at our community guidelines you can find them here!

BunnyWalks · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:45 PM

Hi everyone ,

when someone says no I'm not okay how do we respond appropriately ?

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:48 PM

That's a very good question @BunnyWalks

When someone says "no I'm not okay" how do we respond appropriately ?

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:59 PM

When someone says "no I'm not okay" how do we respond appropriately ?

I'd say do a lot of listening and ask them what you can do in order to help them. I guess it depends on the person and their situation but you could also suggest services, strategies or distractions if they're okay with that.

TPayne · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:07 PM

Its important to note that the RUOK campaign doesn't encourage problem solving, in the way of taking on the person's response to the question as your own. If we took on this burden we would not be able to be much use after helping out a certain number of people. So what we suggest, is listen and encourage action - but it is THERE action, not yours. We are empowering people by resourcing them to take control of their own feelings/thoughts/actions. Also empowering someone has lasting effects as the person has been equipped with a tool or strategy they didn't have before.

stonepixie · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:59 PM

When someone says "no I'm not okay" how do we respond appropriately?

It is best to stay calm, keep talking to them in the tone of the conversation you have already set, (I do recommend having/keeping it casual) ask them what they mean by that, if they care to elaborate. If you're not sure of any services, you can recommend looking up one together whilst keeping the conversation going.

If they don't divulge anything other than they are not okay, you can continue conversing with them, let them know that you are here if they change their mind about talking about it.

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:08 PM

@stonepixie I like the idea of a casual chat as well, I feel like a formal chat can be a bit intimidating. Do you think some people prefer a formal chat to a casual chat or nah?

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:10 PM

3. What are some barriers that may be stopping you or others from seeking help?

honky · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:14 PM

3. What are some barriers that may be stopping you or others from seeking help?

For me the biggest barrier would be the fear of burdening others with my problems, and also being judged.

TPayne · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:57 PM

First we listen (without judgement) and say - thankyou for telling me/opening up to me - Its ok not to be ok.
Any corresponding conversation includes open ended questions like:
Have you felt like this before? And what did you do that time? Did it work? is there something different that you think you may need? Is there anyone around you that has this same issue? Can you seek advice from anyone around you? What have you done to alleviate these feelings? What would you like to see happen? What would a happier you look like/feel like?.

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:07 PM

@TPayne those are some really good questions.

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 8:56 PM

When someone says "no I'm not okay" how do we respond appropriately ?

Hmm this is a tricky question! But I'll have a crack at answering it, i'd love to hear all your thoughts too, even if you're not sure or just have some questions like this one!

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:14 PM

When someone says "no I'm not okay" how do we respond appropriately ?

So the first thing is don't panic! It's actually totally okay to be not okay and just by being there and listening to the person, you've already helped to make things a bit more okay. Cool, right? Things aren't going to suddenly get worse just because you asked this question.

Here's some steps you can take the first one might feel a bit scary! But it's just to be safe and trust me,

1. Check they're safe, sometimes people who are not okay might feel like ending their life or hurting themselves not all the time, but it's always good to check. So for example if someone has self-harmed, do a bit of first aid with them or get some help from someone who can. If they're saying things like "it'll be over soon" it's good to ask what they mean by that here's an article with a bit more info on what to do if that's happening.

2. If someone says they're not okay, keep listening. You don't even need to solve any problems or look for solutions with them. It's actually better just to listen for a little while. It can feel really good just to be able to tell someone else that things are tough and having them go "yeah, that must be really hard".

3. Check who can support them. This can include you, friends and family, but it's pretty much always good to have a chat to a doctor, counselor at school or someone else like that too.

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:17 PM

What are some barriers that may be stopping you or others from seeking help?

Oh there's soooo many. We even have this thing called the help-negation effect which is a really complicated way of saying that a symptom of mental illness for lots of people who are experiencing depression is that their brain makes them think that they can't get help or that they are not worth getting help. Etc etc. So it can be really hard for someone to feel like they can reach out. Asking the question helps break down the barrier that the illness might be making for them.

ErinsAntics · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:21 PM

What are some barriers that may be stopping you or others from seeking help?

The whole stigma attatched regarding mental illness is a big one. Because mental illness is in your head no one can see it and often people will say that you are making it up. It's annoying because if you broke your arm people would be forcing you to go see a doctor and then supporting you as you recover but when it comes to a mental illness they ignore it and think it will go away. I've had people tell me that I am using my anxiety as an excuse (this was coming from a supervisor at my last job) or that its all in my head and I am making it up to get attention or that I am getting brainwashed by the meds I take to treat it.

The moment you say that you need help regarding a mental health issue people in society will look at you differently and no one wants that.

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:26 PM

Next question...

5.So you've asked all the questions had all the conversations, what next? Is it okay to check in? What are some tips for doing that?

honky · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:45 PM

5. So you've asked all the questions had all the conversations, what next? Is it okay to check in? What are some tips for doing that?

I think it's definitely okay to check in. I think it can be something simple like 'hey just wanted to check in and see how you're doing'

Ben-RO · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:34 PM

5.So you've asked all the questions had all the conversations, what next? Is it okay to check in? What are some tips for doing that?

Yep it sure is! it's even important to check in, not just okay to do if you'd like to.

You can even go as far as to make a deal with the person. Ask them if you can check in tomorrow to see how they're doing. Set out a bit of a plan with them (if they're keen) about who to talk to and get extra support from as well as other stuff they can do, like trying a bit of mindfulness etc etc. Let them know you're there for them and aren't going to just leave it at that, so that they know they've got a bit of backup, it means a lot!

FootyFan26 · ‎17-03-2022

originally posted on 14-09-2017 9:48 PM

Thankyou to everyone who came on tonight, especially our R U OK? guests, @TPayne and @Stasiamez it's been great having you visit!

I hope everyone has a great night.
Take care!