Dealing with pressure from famly
Hi All, I am new to this so I apologise for any mistakes in advance. So I guess I am looking for advice in regards with dealing with pressure from family (in particular an older brother) of what I should be doing with my life. I know that deep down he only wants the very best for me however it comes across as quite harsh and negative most of the time. You see, I grew up in a bit of a strict family where I wasn't really allowed to go out with friends, have a boyfriend and the like, and now that I have since turned 25 y/o I am some how EXPECTED to have a boyfriend, be in a good job and not living at home still (this I did not plan on happening, but anyway) and to also know what I want in life. I know what he is saying to me that it is only harder when you get older to do things but some things just haven't worked out for me like I planned, like being in a good job by now and being able to buy a house. People keep telling me that there is no timeline for when you complete things in life but I can't help but feel that I am simply no good and am destined for nothing. I have felt this way my whole life, that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough for my family or anyone. Difficult to please.
I have thought about having a chat with my sister-in-law (his wife) alone without my brother about this and how I feel when he speaks to me, but I am kinda scared and am fearful of the outcome of this. Does anyone have any thoughts??
Comments
Hey @Sarah_472
Just checking in since it's been a little while. I hope you are feeling better about things. Have you been able to talk to your brother or anybody else in your family about how you've been feeling? If so, how did it go?
I can understand the pressure 
Societal norms kind of determine what we think is an 'appropriate' time to have things done in life which can put this time limit on people. But I think things come to people at different times. I'm sure you will achieve those things in your life and you should be proud of who you are and what you're working towards even if you haven't reached the goals as early as others expect you to.
Sending love and support your way 
Hey All, thanks everyone for messaging me and for your suggestions, I think I just needed time to I guess 'calm down' and think a bit more rationally and with being busy over the Christmas/ New Year period hasn't really helped but anyway. For those asking if I have had a chance to speak with my sister in law, No at this stage not yet due to being busy with holidays and work and if I'm being really honest I scared to but anyway that is something that I need to do on my part. I think I'm realising that I need to start playing that active role NOW in my life for things to happen like dating, making friends, etc. I am in the early stages of seeking therapy (I'm just a bit worried of the wait list (which is completely out of my control with everything happening in the world) and that I will be wasting my life away in the time being while I wait to get help (maybe I'm being irrational here??) I don't feel comfortable with telling most of my family about how I am seeking counselling (only my Mum and sister in law know a bit about this) again maybe I need to stop being a baby and face my fears (how on earth do I do this?? but anyway).
Hi @Sarah_472! Welcome to the forums!
It can be so hard to cope with family expectations. I think that us young people have enough to deal with already and it can be stressful when there is a mismatch between your identity and situation and what your family expects of you. 😞
I think it's really great that you've realised that you need to start making positive changes in your life. Many people can feel a sense of hopelessness and not realise that they can take a more active role in their life. Well done!
I hope that the wait list for therapy isn't too long. That must be so frustrating. 😞 I can also understand you not wanting to tell your family about it. Only you can decide if you should tell them and it could be worthwhile thinking of the best and worst case scenarios when it comes to how they could react. What are some things you can do to make yourself feel better in the meantime?
Hey @Sarah_472
Thanks for giving us this update, it's great to hear from you again 
Totally fair enough that you haven't had a chat to your sister in law yet, it is a super busy and wild time! And its understandable to feel scared about this, its hard opening up to others, but you've been really brave to share what you're going through with us.
I think wanting to play an active role in these areas of your life is really awesome and makes a lot of sense - you are the leading role in your life! And good on you looking into seeking therapy, wait times are super annoying, do you want to chat through getting any online supports in the meantime like Kids HelpLine or eHeadspace?
Facing fears is really tough but I think you're doing pretty awesomely and you're not being a baby at all. I find sometimes writing things down first, making notes of what i'm going to say before a tough convo helps with the fears around telling people things, could that be helpful for you? I'm keen to hear others thoughts on how to do this too
Hi @Sarah_472!
I just wanted to check-in and see how you were doing and how you are finding the start of the new year. Hope you are alright friend and things are working better for you and your family. If not feel free to talk to us if you need support or just a friend to chat with.
hi @Sarah_472 I know how hard it can be but just remember some things take time if your brother keeps hassling you just maybe let him know that not everything works out perfectly and that I need time. but don't let anyone pressure you, good things take time. I really hope this helps. and if you do feel like you can speak to your sister in law then yeah speak to her, speak to whoever makes you feel comfortable. let us know how it goes or if you need more help.
@Sarah_472 Hey, I'm sorry to hear your struggling right now. @Anzelmo and @Sophia-RO have given some great ideas. It may help to talk to your sister in law to see if she could maybe give you some perspective or an insight into his intentions and that way it may be easier to than talk to your brother as you can explain way your coming from while understanding where is coming from as well. I hope that if you decide talk to him, i hope it goes well and you feel better soon.
Hi @Sarah_472
First of all, you are not designed for nothing. You will find something you enjoy, and find direction in your life. There is nothing wrong with feeling a little lost. For your family situation I understand the frustration of having your parents shelter you, and then suddenly expect you to be in serious relationships, really independent, mature, self-sufficient, etc when they held you back from developing those skills in the first place. At least now you have the chance to start working on those things for yourself.
Is it possible for you to have a talk to your brother about how you feel? and if not what makes it hard for you?
